Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Hire-a-Knight Service

Have no fear, your modern chivalrous bodyguard is here!
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Going out on a girls night out without the protection of the man in your life? Worried about sleazy bar-limpets and lurking muggers? Never fear, just call Hire-a-Knight!

Hire-a-Knight (For the Night!) - a personal bodyguard service for the single young lady out on the town. For a reasonable fee (£50 per night perhaps?), a smartly-suited, handsome, chivalrous 'knight' will accompany you wherever you go, at a discreet distance, keeping a vigilant eye out for lecherous drunken menfolks.

If you're approached by one of these well-oiled fellows, the attendant knight will step in and hover attentively. If this subtle hint doesn't do the trick, the knight will remove the offending personal-space-invader with the use of moderate force*. If the you're not averse to the attention of a man, you can simply give the knight a pre-arranged 'OK' signal and he will melt back into the background, leaving you to chat / flirt / dance in peace while he scans the environs for potential threats.

If you've not acquired a guy at the end of the (k)night, the bodyguard will see you safely home.

* Knights will show 'Hire-a-Knight' staff ID to the bouncers of the establishment upon entry and will be given rights to escort trouble-makers from the premises without question.

DeniqueCoelum, Apr 23 2011

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       Yes! Finally I feel safe.+ Excellent idea. (And welcome to the asylum, oh no, I meant halfbakery.)
blissmiss, Apr 23 2011
  

       ///welcome to the asylum///   

       Thank you! I've been lurking around on the site for so long without being a member, I thought I'd finally take the plunge and mingle with all you wonderful people. You're like celebrities! I need to start collecting autographs!
DeniqueCoelum, Apr 23 2011
  

       Well your first idea is a real winner. Not like Charlie Sheen winner, a real winner.
blissmiss, Apr 23 2011
  

       A near-perfect invention. Even better than the large dog that I see escorting many women around town. I can see a secondary market for "Knight Watchers," who make sure the Knight is not getting overly friendly.
sqeaketh the wheel, Apr 23 2011
  

       Extra + if they get to wear a concealed mailshirt beneath their dress shirt and lounge suit.
pocmloc, Apr 23 2011
  

       [ ] pretty picture but unrealistic. Bodyguard services exist, aren't that cheap, and getting one into a shiny suit of armour isn't going to drive the cost down any.
FlyingToaster, Apr 23 2011
  

       good idea. I actually know a few (very few) guys who would do a very good job of this at no cost. this way they can capitalize on their pre-existing chivalry (although, being chivalrous, they probably wouldn't want to.)
fischerman, Apr 23 2011
  

       But the closer you get to a real, capital K, Knight, hypothetically of course, the closer you are to somebody who will also remove the client if their comportment steps over the line.
FlyingToaster, Apr 23 2011
  

       Exactly [fischerman], it's really a job you'd have to do because you were naturally chivalrous and willing to put up with low wages. I came up with the idea because it's a job that I'd be willing to do myself at no cost.
DeniqueCoelum, Apr 23 2011
  

       I hadn't visualised the whole armour and chain-mail thing, though that is a fairly normal mode of dress in nightspots such as Edinburgh's 'Opium'.   

       My dress-code idea was more modelled on the CIA agent. Larger groups of womenfolk could collectively hire two or three knights who would wear those neat little earpieces and shirt-cuff microphones in order to communicate.   

       What I wouldn't want is large groups of drunken frat boys deciding to hassle the stiff in the suit of armour, thus distracting him from his client. All-in-all, I think a smart black suit and tie is more intimidating than mediaeval get-up, and less likely to attract unwanted attention.
DeniqueCoelum, Apr 23 2011
  

       So... a giggitygiggityless gigolo gig ?   

       And what does the "knight" do when the client gets all drunk and round-heeled ?
FlyingToaster, Apr 23 2011
  

       Kudos, [FlyingToaster], I had to read "giggitygiggityless gigolo gig" four times to get my head round it, then I laughed hugely. :)-   

       I think at that point, the knight would have to keep an especially sharp eye out for unscrupulous characters and intercept them before they reached the client. Tricky, but that's what £50 a night is for!
DeniqueCoelum, Apr 23 2011
  

       At this point you've pretty well described "just a friend" or "gay friend".
FlyingToaster, Apr 23 2011
  

       Exactly [Toaster]. But one can't always rely on ones friends to follow you round night-spots, completely sober, all night, just to make sure you don't get yourself into trouble. I suppose the essence of this idea is making 'just a friend' a job that someone is contracted to carry out and is compensated for financially.
DeniqueCoelum, Apr 23 2011
  

       //that's that £50 a night is for!//   

       Shirley, you mean £50 a night^2?   

       //At this point you've pretty well described "just a friend" or "gay friend".//   

       Are any of these "men" you reference capable of vanquishing a horde of sleazy lounge lizards? No, they are not.
MikeD, Apr 23 2011
  

       [MikeD] Are you trying to imply that physical presence conveys "knighthood" ?
FlyingToaster, Apr 23 2011
  

       As Sir Amure-de-Noir watches over his party, a plucky young squire attempts to woo a damsel.
"Er... Hi. I'd just like to introduce myself to the young lady over there."
"None shall pass."
"I only want to say hi"
"None shall pass."
"But she was flirting with me.. Please move aside."
"I move. For no man."
"..."
Jinbish, Apr 24 2011
  

       More so than the two examples you proffer? Yes.
MikeD, Apr 24 2011
  

       but physical size doesn't automatically convey knighthood or in this case the ability to pull off standing around looking intimidating in a suit. And both "gay" and "just a friend" aren't limited to weenies either.   

       However, noted that the bodyguard posture can make it clear that he's not attached to the girl, therefore not a rival suitor.
FlyingToaster, Apr 24 2011
  

       This could easily become the script for a TV sitcom/drama. It doesn't take much imagination (*I*did it) to see the Young Lady quickly falling for the Knight and vice-versa, creating more than enough sexual tension and humorous situations for a couple of seasons, at least.   

       In real life, it would be messier. [ ]
Boomershine, Apr 24 2011
  

       Like most people of the male persuasion, I have done this at some time in the past.   

       From prior experience, it usually falls down on the bit when the Knight notices the the Lady's ability to distinguish the reasonable person in the bar from, for example, a hat-stand.   

       This is usually caused by the sheer volume of mead the fair Lady has consumed. At this point Knight-Lady verbal interaction ensues. Knight gives up and goes home.   

       Next day, Lady calls Knight and tells him it's all his fault she woke up next to Hannibal Lecter's weirder brother. A this point the Knight realises a) that humanity would have faded away due to lack or procreation were this not to happen and b) a small but significant number of M->F gender reassignment surgeries happen simply to avoid Knight duties ever again.
not_morrison_rm, Apr 24 2011
  

       Great idea. I'd see parents using this service for their daughters off at college.   

       As cool as having a Secret Service look would be, casual attire appropriate for the venues being visited would work a lot better. A guy standing in a corner at a disco wearing a suit and sunglasses while talking into his wrist might tend to draw attention.   

       //You're like celebrities! I need to start collecting autographs!//   

       Bun for that line alone.
doctorremulac3, Apr 25 2011
  

       Considering ladies' tendency to become attracted to protective and handsome young men I think many of these knights would end up as escorts of another kind.
Voice, Apr 25 2011
  

       //Going out on a girls night out without the protection of the man in your life?// This may not be great as a sales pitch as you may think...
4whom, Apr 25 2011
  

       I have wondered about escort services. That is this, minus the sleaze. Can one hire an escort for exactly something such as this?
bungston, May 02 2011
  

       Reminds me of my high-school days... I became the victim of a conspiracy among the girls to keep me dateless. My trusty Mercury station wagon and I were known as a reliable ride home after dances in case one's boyfriend became inebriated.
lurch, May 02 2011
  
      
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