Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Hurl hose

A tube to the toilet
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On occasion, having spent a good deal of time enjoying the pleasures of the bottle, a man finds himself in the unpleasant circumstance of having a desperate urge to bow in repentance to the god of porcelain. Such obeisance is painful to offer because of the nature of bending.

Unfortunately, lowering ones head is a necessary part of the penitence. He who fails to bow properly will find, in time, that an even more unpleasant task has fallen to him. He will be required by the Queen of the House to remove every trace of the leavings of his worship.

I propose a sacrilege! If a hose is fitted to the God in a particular manner, the hose can snap on covering the great mouth of the god with only a hole in the cover remaining. A hose attached to this opening will allow the worshiper to cleanse himself without ever bending down in worship.
Voice, May 26 2008

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       Come on, people, if we haven't, personally, we have heard of someone "painting" a bathroom. Very useful, as long as there is NO setup time.
plynthe, May 26 2008
  

       What problem are you trying to solve? You can't bend over? Why?
"Painting" a bathroom? Useful? Setup time?
  

       A tube would also be useful if you need to violently both defecate and throw up, and cannot commit to pointing one of your ends away from the bowl.   

       It had better be a pretty big tube, though. Thinking back, we may be talking some sort of vinyl head covering here.
jutta, May 26 2008
  

       I can bend over, jutta, but doing so when one has stomache cramps is painful.
What [plynthe] and I are referring to is the need to get it all into the john without the danger of splashing everywhere. The violently ill aren't too good at aiming.
That is why the attendant cover must snap on quickly. Yes, the hose must be fairly wide. Does that answer your questions?
Voice, May 26 2008
  

       Oh. So plythe's "very useful" referred to the invention, not to the practice of puking all over the bathroom. Gotcha.   

       I find bent-over a rather natural position when having stomach cramps, but if you don't, the text makes a little more sense. Thanks!
jutta, May 27 2008
  
      
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