Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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This would work fine, except in terms of success.

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Indigestible Toilet Paper

Because hey, there's not always time to wipe!
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Tired of getting off the toilet and turning around and looking at it everytime??? It's inevitable. There's no getting around it. You stand up, turn around, look at it, wipe, wash your hands (hopefully) and go on your way. Wouldn't life be so much simpler if your TP was indigestible (or, able to be taken in but wouldn't be broken down from it's original form) and integrated into your food? Then, all you have to do is eat, sit on the toilet when it's time, and when you're finished you can just stand up, pull up your pants and go!
Catatonic, Jun 05 2001

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       The wonderful big dog I had when I was a kid would sometimes eat aluminum foil which had once wrapped a meatloaf or roast. The foil was, like the tissue you suggest, indigestible--but seeing as it ended up inside rather than outside the eventual turd, it seemed a very ineffective wipe. Of course dogs manage the chore without needing a wipe, so perhaps the results were not definitive. Nevertheless, I award you the skeleton of an anchovy due to extreme improbability.   

       Oh, and regular toilet tissue is cellulose and quite indigestible, but it tends to disintegrate in the digestive tract and pass out as paper pulp.
Dog Ed, Jun 05 2001
  

       What they're thinking when they do that: "Oh gawd that itching, burning sensation..."
Dog Ed, Jun 05 2001
  

       Catatonic - maybe some sort of rectal funnel could help you in your situation - disposable of course, much like the way paper cups are stored in drink fountains - you just pull one out and walk away.   

       Also how do you mix a catatonic? Sounds like a lovely drink - will ask for one next time i'm out.
benfrost, Jun 05 2001
  

       Dog Ed: Perhaps if the foil was introduced in to all dog food, we could have little metal detectors in our shoes? This might help cut down on the "one of the soles of my shoes feels helluva thick" feeling one gets from time to time.   

       Rods Tiger: Round our way we called this "Scooting", and I have to agree it is one of the funniest things man's best friend can do.   

       Apart from shivering whilst making lawn havanas.
Spidergoat, Jun 05 2001
  

       A catatonic is one part tonic, one part cat and a cherry.
Catatonic, Jun 05 2001
  

       I spent most of the night searching the neighbourhood for cats - and man what a hangover!
benfrost, Jun 06 2001
  

       Another argument for the 30-hour week- 10 hours should give you the time you need.
mcdornan1, Jun 09 2001
  
      
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