Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Last Will and Testament

A fun new way to choose your heir
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The family gathered together solemnly, for the reading of the will. There was silence, aside from the sounds of many lips being licked. Beady eyes darted around as they waited to hear who was in the will, and who was not.

The lawyer sat nervously, feeling uncomfortable, being the center of attention for so much greed. He too, hoped to be included in the will. The lawyer slit the envelope, filling the room with the sound of tearing paper.

And he started to read:

I, Gerald Franklin Hatford the Third, being of sound mind, hereby record my last living will and testament.
To my greedy children, I give nothing. No one shall recieve anything. Except for one. That one shall be chosen by selective measures which will now be read.

All possible heir(esse)s will hereby be entered into the game contest known as "Last Will and Testament" The style of the show will be chosen randomly, and the winner(team or single person) will recieve all monies and properties., with the exception of a few special items which will be donated to charity.

The lawyers sighed, thinking, "This again..."

He pulled out the wheel, marked with with several names of popular game shows. They were:

Fear Factor
Who Wants to be a millionare
Family Feud
Wheel of Fortune
Robot Wars
The BattleDome

Each with a twist to accomodate the special occasion, meaning the deceased's will

Last Will Jeopardy - The potential candidates must answer questions about the recently deceased life

Last Will Fear Factor - Bug eating, death-defying, wild and crazy stunts; all for money

Last Will Who wants to be a millionare - again, candidates are asked questions about the desceased; but this time they compete for percentages

Last Will Family Feud - Captains choose teammates, and must find the most popular answers to polls taken by friends and associates

Last Will Survivor - All people are locked into the vast (or not) estates of the recently deceased. No electricity. Each night while the contestants are sleeping, food is hidden, and supplies are cached in secret spots. This goes by normal survivor rules, with one kicked out each week.

Last Will Wheel of Fortune - All words taken from popular phrases said by the deceased, as well as notable features and such

Last Will RobotWars - Using stuff around the house, and supplied parts, each contestant and his/her partner must build a robot with which to battle the others. All must have names relating to their parts, such as "Mop-Gladiator"

and finally (relating to a some show somewhere)

Last Will The BattleDome - Contestants face off in the battledome, in Paintball, Parcheesi, foam-sword battles, a quiz on the deceased, and a free-for-all tennis-ball-launching bumper car war.


The lawyer spun the wheel. All were silent, with large eyes, as they watched it slowly stop on Last Will Survivor

DesertFox, Dec 09 2005

Laughter in Paradise http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0043727/
[DrBob, Oct 15 2007]


       So basically this is a series of gameshows, a couple of which having minimal twists, the biggest one being that they get to have had a family member die recently as well?
hidden truths, Dec 09 2005

       No, it's not a game show.   

       I am sleepy. I accidentaly put game SHOW instead of CONTEST. My fault. I can see why you misunderstood what I meant to say.   

       Basically, potential heirs must go through a contest to see who wins, and the contests are patterned like game shows.   

       EDIT: Subtitle edited to prevent further misunderstanding - previously read "Grandpa's Fortune"
DesertFox, Dec 09 2005

       If you regard your own children as greedy, I'm afraid you only have yourself to blame, for bringing them up that way.   

       The only time you need a contest to determine your heir is when you're Genghis Khan.   

       Big smelly fishbone.
DrCurry, Dec 09 2005

       Family members would rather plead, beg, or fight for the estate rather than engage in friendly competition.
Jscotty, Dec 09 2005

       "Friendly competition"? What do you mean FRIENDLY?!?!?   

       They will be kicking and screaming and attacking each other, not "pleading"
DesertFox, Dec 09 2005

       Or Alexander the Great.
RayfordSteele, Dec 10 2005

       I thought he was gay? He certainly didn't leave any heirs.
DrCurry, Dec 10 2005

       It's widely accepted that Alexander had a child each with his mistress Barsine, and with his first wife, Roxane. Both were killed before reaching adulthood, but both were alive some time after Alexander's death. (The mistress's child didn't "count", and Roxane's hadn't been born yet, so it's a bit of a technicality whether there was a heir at the exact time of death.) Which doesn't mean he didn't get it on with Hephaestion.   

       I'll take "embarassing childhood incidents" for 400, Alex.
jutta, Dec 10 2005

       Presumably this is because his last words were taken to be "To the strongest" when asked who should succeed him.
hidden truths, Dec 10 2005

       By the way, the "great funeral contest" that he supposedly predicted after those last words - using the games as a metaphor for the political struggle that did indeed develop - is a good tie-in to this idea, but I can't quite find good nonfiction sources for a Greek habit of holding sporting events in honor of a recently deceased VIP.
jutta, Dec 10 2005

       //Last Will The BattleDome //
For Genghis Khan's children? I'd buy a ticket to that.
Letsbuildafort, Dec 10 2005

       Whilst remaining pleasantly off topic. I quite like the suggestion that the people assembled at his death chose to hear his last words as "Kratistos" (the strongest) rather than "Krateros" (one of his generals).
hidden truths, Dec 10 2005

       //but I can't quite find good nonfiction sources for a Greek habit of holding sporting events in honor of a recently deceased VIP//   

       Book 23 of the Iliad: technically fiction, I admit, but often taken as fairly authoritative on cultural matters. Copied by Virgil.   

       I think this practice belongs more to the archaic period than the classical, hence the scarcity of proper 'history' about it - most of the primary sources are probably archaeological (pictures on pots, etc.), rather than books.
pertinax, Oct 15 2007

       Alternatively, to clean up the mess of the next generation:   

       "I grant my estate in equal parts to all of my descendants within three generations, but none may claim any part of it until he* is in possession of the entire estate."   

       * gender specific pronoun
vincevincevince, Oct 15 2007

       <vince^3>, sounds like a plot for a Highlander movie. 'There can be only one!'   

       Commence the beheadings of the weaker siblings and their heirs.
RayfordSteele, Oct 15 2007

       On a trip to the Baron Parks at Zichron in Northern Israel on a national holiday, the picnic benches in the area where caught by a large group of ultra orthodox Jews, each wearing clothes of a different sect. They were all singing together. Someone noticed me and said: Don't worry, we'll sing the last song and then leave within a few minutes. Which they did, cleaning up after themselves. I asked them: who are you, and what sect of Hassidim are you from. They answered: We are 14 brothers and sisters, with our children and grandchildren on a family trip with those two buses there. Our father gave us Osher (Happiness in Hebrew) and not 'Osher (Riches in Hebrew, pronounced with a guttural O) . The Osher starts with an Alef - the Hebrew letter for unity. If he'd give us 1 million dollars instead, do you think we would be here smiling like this?
pashute, Jun 30 2010


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