Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Learning Experience Channel

It's inane chatter, anyway, so...
  [vote for,

Rather than hire former jocks to provide commentary on the game they live and breathe... have clueless commentators just off the boat, who apparently were born yesterday.

Example: Basketball game - Commentators have no clue as to who/what/when/why, even how long the game is played, let alone any terms such as "dribble" or "technical foul"... same for any sport.

Investigative reporting, news or Infotainment: Completely clueless without any cues or help from staff.

Weather - wild guesses and likely more accurate forecasts.
thumbwax, May 24 2003

sadly, baked. http://www.sportsra...ro_con/dierdorf.htm
an expert who fits your criteria! [ato_de, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]


       Heh. You'll have to have a rotation schedule...
phoenix, May 24 2003

       This is too good
calculust, May 25 2003

       "They're bouncing that big ball again... wait he's stopped. Looks like one of his shoes is nailed to floor! Why doesn't he just run with it! Go! .... Throws it over to another guy in the same colour shirt. He throws it into that big hoop... Why is it so high?... and they just leave it there...."
Cedar Park, May 25 2003

       Baked. By Fox when they started airing hockey games.
rapid transit, May 25 2003

       I'm up for it, I will do American Footie for you :)
po, May 25 2003

       Ice Hockey: "That guy just hit a urinal cake with a stick! Why isn't it getting smaller, and leaving a lemony-fresh trail across the floor? They're skating, they're still skating, they - FIGHT! There, by the edge of the pitch! Don't pull his shirt-tails, man, use your hockey bat on him! TWAT HIM ONE!"   

       Make it mandatory for every sporting event to have at least one Ron Manager-type, reminiscing randomly.
friendlyfire, May 25 2003

       jumpers for goalposts -ahhh, memories.
po, May 25 2003

       What's up with you ref?! They don't ever call high-sticking in _base_ball! @#*!
Tiger Lily, May 25 2003

       This would be such a waste of time and would drive me nuts. Sorry, 'wax, no thanks.
waugsqueke, May 25 2003

       It would be indistinguishable from the normal sports broadcasts. At least for me.
bristolz, May 25 2003

       I'd love it just for the fresh perspective provided.   

       "They seem to be wanting to put the ball up in that wire rim with the net under it; maybe if they just sew the net closed it will stay there?"
RayfordSteele, May 25 2003

       "what did that ref see that I didn't. I need glasses"
po, May 25 2003

       This channel could help me support my arguments with my australian friends about how cricket is the most boring "sport" on earth.
Pericles, May 25 2003

       yawn. cricket? yawn.   

       is DrBob back yet?
po, May 25 2003

       I love it, I think this could be hilarious. It certainly would have me watching things I never would normally. I'd recommend giving the commentators large doses of random hallucinogenics for added comedy value. +
saker, May 26 2003

       Eep, [Rods Tiger], too soon? Tragedies, according to the good folk of South Park, are not funny for 22.3 years, which means that we have to wait until 29 December, 2023.
friendlyfire, May 26 2003

       South Park, yes, certainly an authority on the topic of 'not funny'.
waugsqueke, May 26 2003

       Love it, guess what these sports are;
Oooooh, he's kicking it a bit, now he's kicked it to that other fella, that other fella in another color just nudged the first fella in the ribs and he fell over a bit and he's holding his shin for some reason, oh and now the man in black is holding up a colored card and the fella who was holding his shin can miraculously run again.
They're all going round and round.......still going round and round...repeat 1000 times
Ooohh look, that bloke finished a little bit before the others. Magic.
squeak, May 26 2003

       [Waugs] Oooooooh! :~)
friendlyfire, May 26 2003

       Someone do a 2-Man Luge version, plz thx.
rapid transit, May 26 2003

       "God, I'm freezing my mike off here - why couldn't I be commentating on the surfing, or the beach volleyball? Ah well - here comes the first team, in their... head-to-toe rubber suits and crash helmets? What the hell have you people got me watching? Oh, they race down the hill? Okay.   

       "But the track looks a bit narrow - how are they supposed to overtake, going down that?   

       "They've picked up their sledge, and the first man - I assume it's a man; I can't tell under that costume. There's no zip - how does he go to the toilet? - the first man is getting on, ready to do his race and then run back up to pass the sledge to his team mate, and he's positioning himself at the start of the gulley... feet first? I hope for his sake that this isn't a slalom, or his tackle will never forgive him.   

       "He's ready to do his leg of the race, and we're waiting for the referee's whistle to herald the start of the - WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS THIS! He's being mounted by his team mate! Oh hang on, his suit has no fly - it's all innocent. Actually, it reminds me of when my wife was pregnant - she told me all about the birthing classes when she - they're off! Down the hill they go, the bloomin' mentalists - they go left! Now right! How come they don't fly off at the corners? And it's over. Reminds me of getting my wife pregnant..."
friendlyfire, May 26 2003

       This would be great for comedy central. Please submit it. However, I am voting against your idea to pursue my own vested interests.
NotSoQuick, Aug 31 2003

       Would they KNOW they we're losers not meant for the job? Or would they be told they had been "discovered"?
Ravenium, Oct 12 2003


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