Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
Sugar and spice and unfettered insensibility.

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Myth Bakery

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(+20, -1)
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Away across the pixel fields,
In gleaming screens of white,
Lies a curious place of notions,
And ideas that can bite,

There’s custard here and custard there,
And toast on flying cats,
There’s litter trays with moats around,
And oh, so many hats!

There's lots on spam, and hollajam,
and pinesap sticky rubs,
while in the mire, by the dale,
The Unabubba, bubs

There’s an enchanted tailors shop,
In the village, by the inn,
Where angry croissant patterned pants,
Scare some panicked pins.

Packs of Jekylls roam the land,
Searching for the 'curry,
Their hungry eyes and drooling jaws,
Make seals and Jinbish worry

The auto-boner slivers by,
With his fish-shaped club,
And in that mire, by the dale,
The Unabubba bubs

The tin-General marches on and on,
Along yellow custard roads,
Washington his moniker,
Some clockwork makes him go,

The waugsqueke wags its scaley tail,
And stomps its foot down hard,
A tremor now would sure ensue,
'cept waugs is made of card

A paper beast, a flimsisaur,
an origami brute,
He thunders on so silently,
His arguments are moot

Now Farmer John in vinyards green,
Waits for harvest time,
When he will reap so many thoughts,
and make some idea wine

Old Mad McRadish sews lettuce seeds,
and tomato and cucumber too,
To feed all the towns folk some salad,
and give a break from roast ewe

Peter Silly is mistaken oft',
For some one other than him,
you can hear his call if you listen,
'I'm just Silly, not foolish or dim!'

If you're quiet and listen still harder,
and raise up your ear to the sky,
you might hear a whispering, ghostly voice,
If you like I'll explain why...

...There once was a robot personage,
who clanked like a teaspoon in sink,
he was often the first one to annotate,
and his words?; 'Tis baked; see link'

Stef-baker wanders quite confused,
Voices quiet to all but he,
for most one internal monolog,
But for Stef you see, there's three

Angel, po and lewisgirl,
dance in the cool forest dell,
When they hear loud and angry trolls,
the flames they will soon quell

Drunken trolls hammer posts,
not clever but quite thick,
Vomit out failed grammar,
Torrents of mis-spelled sic

Sherrif bristolz rides abroad,
Stopping all miscreants,
She m-f-ds ideas and thoughts,
That really are just rants

The sherrif sees a rushing brook,
A river known as Teele,
Its hard to cross; a bridge it lacks,
But one man has the will

Ray scouts along the rocky shore,
testing for the shallows,
He must ford this torrent soon,
or for him it is the gallows

High above this frantic scene,
A flock of cones glide by,
Helping bakers consider,
the wherefore and the why

The ideas fly and soar and swoop,
Then perch on recent lists,
The one that’s shaped like a cat,
Likely belongs to bliss

A hunting party, made of eight,
With seven more in tow,
Chase all things feline far away,
Kill kitties high and low

This pleases one, gazing-on,
Guy who fears the hounds,
Half effigy, half woodlands dog,
Hates too the firework sounds

The autoboner swings his club,
And all the bakers shudder,
His fishbone is like rancid milk,
from a dark and evil udder

The Robin clings on to a branch,
Scared that he's been snubbed,
And still, in the mire, by the dale,
The Unabubba, bubs

Crockery beach; the shore line where,
Tsunamis come-a-crashing,
Smash plates and bowls and cups and spoons,
Daubed in the willow pattern

On dining sets and eating tools,
Over blue bridge by the lakes,
Walks warrior clad in armour’d gear,
Yamahito - Ronin that bakes,

By china dunes, of blue and white,
Protected from the sea,
Is one beset with scones and jam,
Who drinks totally tea

Nothing stops folk baking here,
Not the rising of the tide,
Nor auto-boner's acrid stench,
Nor the darkening of the skys,

Halfbakers light candles then,
When the night is come,
To let them work at magic screens,
They chance some waxy thumbs,

A fair will be held here soon,
And others far away,
Bakers come from far and wide,
For half a meeting day

At the gathering that autumn eve,
there may be music average,
not great or good but not too bad,
so - so bands needing carridge,

Lewisgirl decends from north,
and brings down heavy sands,
to help the bakers in the south,
carry 'okay' bands

Fair Jutta queen of baking-land,
Sits in west towers, tall,
On pastry throne, with marking wand,
She could delete us all

But now its time to leave this place,
And get on with some work,
Soon to these hills, these mires and dales,
I shall return to lurk

Zircon, Sep 19 2002

Prototype http://www.halfbake...20that_20Moniker_3f
Somewhere in this fairly long string is where I first started thinking along these lines. [Zircon, Sep 19 2002, last modified Oct 04 2004]

List of Half-Bakers and Their Ideas http://www.halfbake...and_20Their_20Ideas
Contains links to two views - created by Steve DeGroof - which do pretty much what you want, Zircon. [calum, Sep 20 2002]


       I feel a little immodest putting my offering in this catergory considering some of the quality that's in here, but I had to post it for closure; so I can stop thinking up new verses (for the time being), and this seemed the best place.
Zircon, Sep 19 2002

       I think this can look the others squarely in the eye, Z. You've got a lovely world going on, here. Important HB rite of passage [+].   

       [Later. This now sounds ludicrously faint, Myth Bakery having grown to laureate status...]
General Washington, Sep 19 2002

       Very nice indeed.
FarmerJohn, Sep 19 2002

       (Sniff).. I almost feel important now (+). Reminds me of Steve Martin in 'The Jerk' having just got his name in the telephone directory for the first time...   

       "My name in print. Things are going to start happening to me now..."
{cut to scene of psycho guy with semi-automatic, randomly picking his name from phone book}
Jinbish, Sep 19 2002

8th of 7, Sep 19 2002

       Now *this* is poetry. Much better than my offerings.
RayfordSteele, Sep 19 2002

Marassa, Sep 20 2002

       Sorry [waugs] I was applying the 'what I imagine when I think of your moniker approach' I don't really think all your arguments are moot.....or that you're made of card for that matter.
Zircon, Sep 20 2002

       As of 9:40 BST today, Three verses from annotation yesterday incorporated into main text, and 5 new verses added. Thanks for all the encouragement everyone! I'll be working on more when-ever my job becomes dull.
Zircon, Sep 20 2002

       Thanks [FJ] verse edited.
Zircon, Sep 20 2002

       Zircon, this is simply marvellous!   

       It has a definite Lewis Carrol feel to it (and he's my favourite poet).   

       Encore, encore.
madradish, Sep 20 2002

       [madradish] I'm working on a verse for you currently you crazy scottish salad cultivator!
Zircon, Sep 20 2002

       Does anyone know if there's a way of viewing a list of all half-bakers? I need more characters.
Zircon, Sep 20 2002

       Thanks [UB]. Its a good annotation when I have to resort to dictionary.com twice in order to understand it. Yes this idea does seem to be a fairly good croissant generator. 17 in the first 24 hours or so. I wasn't really expecting that. Thanks for the suggestion [bliss], I've been trying to look for people I've missed; in the bakery, but I keep getting side-tracked reading ideas.
Zircon, Sep 20 2002

       This is great! I used to think I was clever and creative, but I can't come up with things like this.
TeaTotal, Sep 20 2002

       *but one man has the will*   

       I feel so heroic all of the sudden...
RayfordSteele, Sep 21 2002

       Sheriff? Do I really come across that way? It's the guns, isn't it?
bristolz, Sep 21 2002

       Dunno about sheriff, Bris, but you scare the shit outta me.. ;op   

       Awwwww... <tugs Zircon's sleeve>
yamahito, Sep 21 2002

       yep its the big star and the pistols, [bristolz] :)
po, Sep 21 2002

       <zircon notes tugging at sleeve and makes appropriate additions>   

       5 new verses added BST 13:50 today, inbetween the second bubbing of the Unabubba, and Queen Jutta.
Zircon, Sep 22 2002

       The second bubbing... hehe.   

       bris, better a sherrif than a "flimsisaur".
waugsqueke, Sep 22 2002

       or even a tsregrieuxiantores
bristolz, Sep 22 2002

       <g> - thank you!
yamahito, Sep 22 2002

       Um... can you use that in a sentence?
waugsqueke, Sep 22 2002

       I have the most enormous grin on my face right now, I wish you could see it. Man this belongs in an art gallery.
madradish, Sep 24 2002

       possible meanings of the madradish username mystery = Ma Dradish: Mr. Dradish's wife = Madrad-ish: (sorta mad and rad, but not completely) = Madra dish: a song about a plate
RayfordSteele, Sep 24 2002

       mystery? Nay, it has been explained before in one of Zircon's previous ideas. I think my profile page should give you a reasonable idea.   

       Ironically, I have a plate with a picture of radishes on it and "bunches of radishes" printed around the rim. It's lurking in my kitchen somewhere.
madradish, Sep 29 2002

       [Zi] Wow. You've created a wonderful endearing haunt.   

       <aside> //smashed dish\\ = party (till the dogs come home) girl??   

hollajam, Sep 29 2002

       CrazyVegtable Yes yes I know...
RayfordSteele, Sep 29 2002

       [Hollajam] good to see you're back, was wondering where you'd got to.
Zircon, Sep 30 2002

       A fitting addition, UB. It's a lovely piece.   

       Thank you [Zircon]. I Had a little trip and a day or two of self restraint from the hypnotic portal of the bakery.
But that's over now you can see.

       You were missed also! Glad that you didn't have to wait a torturous period of time before checking in again. Hope it doesn't pinch your schedule.   

       I would love to have your Myth Bakery on a 'Bakery t-shirt!! Everybody seems so honored by it. Maybe?
hollajam, Oct 01 2002

       might be better suited to a Dr Who scarf.
po, Oct 01 2002

       <mouth curls. Big grin now.> Yeah Po, I think I like that even better!
hollajam, Oct 01 2002

       hey Z, mythed you.
po, Mar 12 2005

       "It is now time to announth the winner of Myth Bakery 2005. And thith yearth winner ith....Po!"
wagster, Mar 14 2005


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