Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Newton Gloves

Why? Because my wife won't do as she told.
  (+8, -2)
(+8, -2)
  [vote for,

On the outside these gloves are similar in appearance to any other work gloves- grippity grip pads, velcro strap on the back for snug fit, materiel that allows the skin to breathe, blah, blah, blah.

On the inside are special sensors that calculate the amount you are lifting with each glove and adding them together to get a total amount of weight lifted which is displayed on the back of the glove. If the total amount is more than the amount set by your doctor the gloves will spring open causing you to drop it and prevent you from hurting your (insert whatever ails you here).

To prevent possible injury to your toes perhaps the gloves could just wail out, "Oh, my aching (insert whatever ails you here)! Put it down! Put it down!

NotTheSharpestSpoon, Jul 25 2006


       Have you tried nailing her hands to the table?
DrCurry, Jul 25 2006

       [+], but it should just sound an alarm and log an incident report on your computer.
normzone, Jul 25 2006

       Over-protective dad-to-be, are we?
methinksnot, Jul 25 2006

       My dear [DrCurry], while your suggestion of nailing her hands to the table is a reasonable and valid one, I can not at this time apply said methods to this situation.
Having just spent several weeks refinishing the dining room table I will not introduce new nail holes to a top I just painstakingly hand buffed to a mirror shine. Thank you for your insight and I hope you will continue to help me in my endeavor to keep my now pregnant wife from lifting more than she is suppose to.

       [methinksnot]- Nope, not me, I am being very reasonable about this. I don't see anything wrong with restricting her to lifting no more that five sheets of paper at a time.   

       Okay, maybe a little.
NotTheSharpestSpoon, Jul 26 2006

       Okay, then, ducttape her arms to her sides.
DrCurry, Jul 26 2006

       i suggest that you ease up a bit on her [spoon], before she picks up something really heavy with which to bludgeon you with.
tcarson, Jul 26 2006

       "This is the sort of nonsense up which we shall not put"
methinksnot, Jul 26 2006

       Congrats on the bun...in the oven.   

       [2 fries]- thank you, apparently there are two buns <gulp>   

       I haven't actually kept my wife from doing anything, as I do not have the power of a god, and I don't nag her too much. (will try the duct tape though)   

       My idea was actually for those that have some injury and are restricted by doctor's orders to not lift more than x amount. Since I don't always know how much something weighs I thought that a doodad that alerted me would be very helpful in preventing further injury.
NotTheSharpestSpoon, Jul 26 2006

       Hey, that's great news [NTSS]! Congratulations. It'll be a full cutlery drawer at the Spoons soon.
methinksnot, Jul 26 2006

You'd best be getting some sleep.

       On second thought you may want to stay up late and search for Sleep Depravation Coping Techniques.   

       I'm hoping that because I don't wear my hearing aids at night that I will be able to claim that I didn't hear them, but I'm not betting the bank on that working for very long. I can't wait! I'm very excited about the whole thing. Okay, you can stop laughing now...   

       (Don't let me fool you- I really am the happiest guy around.)
NotTheSharpestSpoon, Jul 26 2006

       I have no doubt.
May I ask how long you have to wait, and whether the twins are paternal?

       would prefer if they sweated out butter to make objects slip from grasp, but it's inventive and worthy of this [+]   

       An alternative would be to attach weights to her arms which were just short of her current maximum lifting capacity. This would still allow her to fetch you up a cup of tea, but nothing heavier, until her strength gradually increased.
xenzag, Jul 26 2006

       [2 fries]-- Due date is Feb 15, actual due date is probably late Jan. They are believed to be fraternal at this time. They have been seen together in the area but each seems to have their own sack. Back to you, Bob.   

       I'm thinking that if the gloves *do* make you drop whatever is is you are trying to lift, then perhaps the glove set could come with a fre pair of steel toe boots to prevent future lawsuits and all.
NotTheSharpestSpoon, Jul 26 2006

       [NTSS] I'm right with you... I've taken to wearing earplugs at night with our 3-week-old. Not that I don't care about her, but she can sleep whenever she wants, my wife can sleep whenever she (the baby) wants, I have to go to work. Furthermore, I can't breastfeed. Happy yes, enjoy listening to screaming no.
david_scothern, Jul 27 2006

       [NTSS], congrats! you might like Twins Magazine. You might also consider about a month before the due date cooking up a Bunch of stuff that can be microwaved, & freezing it. I was glad I did that. Having twins is a bit hard at first.
Zimmy, Jul 27 2006

       methinksnot: you're missing a "with," rendering your statement somewhat odd.
DrCurry, Jul 27 2006

       I seem to be making a career out of misquoting. The correct one is: "That is the sort of nonsense up with which I will not put"
The sentiment remains unchanged.
methinksnot, Jul 27 2006

       Thank you everybody for the congrats.   

       [Zimmy]- What do you mean /Having twins is a bit hard at first./? How hard could it be?
NotTheSharpestSpoon, Jul 28 2006

       heh. heh. It may not be so hard if they are not your first. So many diapers, so many bottles, so little sleep. (If you can figure out how to get them to sleep at the same time, things will be much easier.) I actually had a markerboard that tracked feedings,changings, & something else I can't remember.   

       I had other circumstances that may have made it harder for me. I had just switched jobs to a start up company & my wife took a while to recover from a complication during the delivery.   

       But take heart! If Zimmy can do it, so can you! My twins are now 6 & many people comment on how happy & well behaved they are. I don't understand how they think this, but I'm not really watching anyone else's kids for a control.   

       When you get tired of the 1000'th person asking you "Awww, are they twins?" you might consider what I have been thinking I'll say (but probably never will) "No. There was a cloning accident in my garage and I cant figure out how to put him back together again".   

       My best friends in the whole world took me up on a joke I made before the baby shower. They asked what we wanted, & I joked - a baby sitter for a night so we can get out of the house. They gave us a gift certificate to a nice restaraunt & watched our kids for a few hours. It seemed like that was one of the few times in the first couple of months my wife & I got to catch our breath, relax, & not worry about something.
Zimmy, Jul 28 2006


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