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Ninja Taxidermist

Gran's dog's been awfully quiet lately.
  (+6, -3)
(+6, -3)
  [vote for,

Animals are loyal companions, and all too often the weak and infirm have only their pets to keep them company between infrequent visits from their daughter who lives in Melbourne. (That's a long way away, incidentally). This makes it all the more poignant when the pet dog/cat/budgie (let's call it Rover) dies.

The only thing is, granny probably hasn't noticed yet that the budgie is dead.

A quick phone call to the ninja taxidermist is called for. Within thirty minutes (or you get a discount), granny has a call from the gas man. Thus distracted, she doesn't notice a curious budgie-shaped gap in the scenery. After about an hour, she hears a funny noise in the front room and goes to investigate - but everything seems normal. Rover is on his perch, the antimacassar is still quietly slippng over the front of the telly... but the flowers on the mantelpiece are no longer brown, but fresh. How odd.

For an extra fee, a solar-powered monitoring robot is cleverly incorporated into Rover, enabling him to sound the alert when the gas is left on, or when Granny falls asleep on the sofa with a lit cigar.

moomintroll, Jun 18 2005

(??) Granny's very own Dalek. http://fullcoverage...nrobot_050520165459
Replace Rover with this? You're joking. [moomintroll, Jun 18 2005]

Inspired by this: Shake_20Hands_20Dog_20Grave
One of [benfrost]'s best... [moomintroll, Jun 18 2005]


       Why stop at pets?
Detly, Jun 18 2005

       a. if granny is on her own, how do you or the ninja taxidermist know that the pet has died?
b. granny should always check the ID of a dodgy gasman
c. visit granny more often.

       and d. grannys are not stupid you know!
po, Jun 18 2005

       Secretly replace dead pets of grandparents with monitoring devices?   

       and what the hell is an "antimacassar?"
ato_de, Jun 18 2005

       My favorite granny is tart, hard, juicy and green; last name of Smith.
FarmerJohn, Jun 18 2005

       damn, I was about to post animal antimaccasars some time soon.   

       it's kind of a cloth, possibly lacy that sits on the back of the chair so that the menfolk don't grease the furniture. why this one is on the tv beats me.
po, Jun 18 2005

       Maybe 'cause it's like a doily.
FarmerJohn, Jun 18 2005

       //Why stop at pets?//   

       You haven't happened to have watched that episode of Jackass where Johnny Knoxville goes to several taxidermists with his granny to try and get her stuffed when she dies? One of them asked whether it was legal...   

       //if granny is on her own, how do you or the ninja taxidermist know that the pet has died?//   

       Or worse still, e.) the pet's still alive, and granny's died? Does the ninja taxidermit do people too?
froglet, Jun 18 2005

       you know grannies can actually be about 30 years old and fit to punch your lights out...   

       <blows on fists>   

       -1 for thinking grannies are daft.
po, Jun 18 2005

       Anything with Ninja's is good for a bun.
Soterios, Jun 18 2005

       Ninja grannies rule! (bad idea by the way-)
zeno, Jun 19 2005

       This could better go along with ninja burger so the cows would look like they are still grazing in the fields.
sartep, Jun 19 2005

       a grandmother in her early thirties is no novelty around here. ( I was a mother of 3 by 22)
po, Jun 19 2005

       [pa 've] must live in a different USA than I.
ato_de, Jun 19 2005

       [po] I take it you're not saving up for a little robot to follow you around yet, either?   

       Ninja Taxidermists also get a lot of calls from guilt-ridden motorists, apparently.
moomintroll, Jun 19 2005

       one of my cats has promoted himself to dog and follows me around.
po, Jun 19 2005

       //one of my cats has promoted himself to dog and follows me around//   

       Wouldn't it have demoted itself to dog?
froglet, Jun 19 2005

       quite right, sorry.
po, Jun 19 2005

       What if the taxidermist can't see the ninja you want stuffed because... reasons? Do you still have to pay them a callout fee?
UnaBubba, Mar 12 2021


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