Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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"Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!"
  [vote for,

Those words tend to make people shudder in fear, but never again.

After our recent ice storm, it became apparent to me that a device is needed for corpulent people who walk out in the snow and slip and fall.

One of my charges slipped in the snow and I had to help her to her feet. In the process, I managed a groin pull or hernia. What we really needed was the Para-loon®.

The Para-loon® straps securely to the walker, in all of the appropriate places. After a fall, the person who has slipped would merely pull the “rip cord” and the Para-loon® would shoot out of the case and begin to fill with helium from the ultra-high-pressure tank also stored in the pack. As the Para-loon fills®, it would gently lift our obese walker to her feet so she could amble home on her tiptoes, light as a feather.

The added benefit to the Para-loon is that the extra weight being carried, when not in use, would aid in calorie expenditure. This would have the effect of decreasing the overall weight load in the long run for the person.

Please visit our website at www.para-loon.com. Dealer inquiries welcome.

Klaatu, Jan 08 2004

PersonalAirbag [duind001] http://www.halfbake...idea/PersonalAirbag
May be combined with this for added safety [Klaatu, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

A Christmas Story http://www.mutantre...christmasstory.html
"Narrator: Randy lay there like a slug. It was his only defense."
Still, my favorite line in the show. [Klaatu, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

Personal Retrorockets http://www.halfbake...onal_20Retrorockets
A silly version. [phoenix, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

oooh look, anatomy made easy. I feel queasy now. http://anatome.ncl....nal/text/page1.html
[po, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

oh, this one looks much more fun.. http://anatome.ncl....ials/inguinal/text/
from the people who brought you - inguinal canals made easy. [po, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

Can this be true? http://www.engadget...-the-ground-so-har/
Personal Airbag [theircompetitor, Sep 25 2008]


       Very nice, [Klaatu] ... don't slip on the bun [+]
Letsbuildafort, Jan 08 2004

       yes, it's always funny to laugh at someone else's disability.
theircompetitor, Jan 08 2004

       how much helium would we need for this? I think I might be tempted to abuse the system altogether.   

       are you both ok?
po, Jan 08 2004

       [po] This is from a website on helium & lifting. "According to the paragraph on helium in my CRC Handbook of Chemistry and Physics, 1000 cubic feet of helium in a balloon (presumably not under huge pressure, but around one atmosphere) will lift 68.5 pounds at sea level."   

       I would imagine that about twice that would make most obese people able to get up on their own. Of course, the optional deflation kit would then pump your Para-loon® empty and replace the helium into the tank for the next use.   

       She is fine. I am walking "tenderly" at the moment.
Klaatu, Jan 08 2004

       Or just use hydrogen and provide a match.
Worldgineer, Jan 08 2004

       [worldgineer] she already produces her own vast quantities of flammable gas. She 'is' single, by the way.
Klaatu, Jan 08 2004

       [imozarti] Not that I would mind with this corpulent cupcake, but it would take the Hindenburg to get this beauty into the skys.
Klaatu, Jan 08 2004

       //for easier spotting of the fallen// Add interior fireworks.
FarmerJohn, Jan 08 2004

       The corpulent individual will not be able to carry enough helium to lift them in a tank they wear. Helium has no magical property that activates when it's shot out into the balloon. The combined weight of person and tank will be the same whether the helium is in the tank or the balloon, therefore so will the lift capability. Won't work.   

       The only way to do it is if the tank weight supplies sufficient ballast to hold corpulent individual to the ground, and once the Paraloon is deployed, the tank is immediately jettisoned. But then you have the problem of remaining reasonably earthbound.
waugsqueke, Jan 08 2004

       Silly [waugs]. Sure the mass of the corpulent-tank-balloon system remains the same, but the volume increases. Therefore the buoyancy of the system increases. Think of a diving tank underwater attached to a deflated balloon. You're saying that when the contents of the diving tank are emptied into the balloon, the tank-balloon system isn't lighter? The only difference here is the relative densities of the fluids (air/water have a large difference, helium/air is much smaller so this effect is smaller but it still exists).
Worldgineer, Jan 08 2004

       //for easier spotting of the fallen//
After their landing in New Mexico ...
Letsbuildafort, Jan 08 2004

       Or better yet, don't let them hit the ground in the first place.
Better to have 4 emergency deploying stabilizers that use your compressed gas to telescope out and keep the individual upright.
The plus side of this is you can sell the same unit (different belt sizes of course) to both the obese and the habitually drunk.
Simply use a small gyroscope to determine the amount of lean from center that triggers deployment.
Have to customize the length of the satbilizers though, wouldn't want a 4' 2" person waiting around 2' off the ground for someone to let them down.
soundman, Jan 08 2004

       If this is a ball, filled with helium, won't the equally rotund user simply roll over to one side? It needs some kind of stable base.   

       [theircompetitor] Oh purleese! A disability is some disabling factor about which little or nothing can be done. Being fat can be solved by e.g. not pushing a doughnut into your face quite so often (BTW, I am on the porky side myself).   

       [klaatu] Is this really such a problem??! I would never have thought of this. Just how fat *are* these people if they literally cannot get up without assistance?
squeak, Jan 09 2004

       [squeak] this lady is about 5' tall and weighs in excess of 325#. And, as I said, she is single.
When someone this size falls, it is impossible for them to get their feet under them to push themselves up. If you have ever watched "A Christmas Story" where Randy falls into the snow, it is a bit like that. To lift them into a standing position requires brute force and a powerful inguinal canal.
Klaatu, Jan 09 2004

       I didn't know you had one of them!
po, Jan 09 2004

       If someone is too heavy to get themselves up, then leave them there. Give them a water tank so they don't die of thirst. After being on the ground long enough, they'll lose weight to the point they can lift themselves up.
GenYus, Jan 09 2004

       someone on medication, in the snow? shame on you..
po, Jan 09 2004

       [GY] the thought did cross my mind, but I value my job and this person does have a right to live. Also, her hollering would have bothered the neighbors.
Klaatu, Jan 09 2004

       how will you distinguish the baloon from the cupcake? that's confuzing.. and what's more confuzing : what if the-fatter-one climbs on top of the baloon and starts floating like an angel, or smth. ? or what if she/he starts throwing things at you while he/she's up there? I wouldn't like that.. -
sweet, Jan 21 2004

       Give me that (R)....one of my ideas tastes like ballute!
quantum_flux, Sep 28 2008


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