Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
We don't have enough art & classy shit around here.

idea: add, search, annotate, link, view, overview, recent, by name, random

meta: news, help, about, links, report a problem

account: browse anonymously, or get an account and write.




  [vote for,

Many people believe we're going to have a general election here quite soon - possibly even tomorrow. As a result, lots of people have been saying lots of words about lots of things, both on the television and on the wireless.

One of the things I've noticed is that the best speakers (though not necessarily the best politicians) tend to leave more pauses when speaking. This can be surprisingly effective. If Mrs. May says "We will introduce certain measures to reduce the threat from Islamist extremists", it sounds rather mundane - I mean, if course you'll introduce certain measures, who wouldn't, duh?

However, if she says "We will introduce certain... measures... to reduce the threat from Islamist extremists", it is far more sinister and emphatic. If I were an Islamist extremist (or even just one of those two), those pauses would scare the crap out of me.

Donald Trump - erudite and statesmanlike though he is - could clearly benefit from more pauses. They would make him sound more... serious.

It is, however, very difficult to change one's speech patterns, especially when under pressure in front of the cameras. Hours of vocal coaching tend to go out the window when the heat is on, and the words just tend to tumble out all higgledy piggledy.

MaxCo, therefore, is delighted to introduce its latest... device. The Pausulator consists of a discreet band worn around the neck just inside the collar, with wires running out of sight to a receiver in the jacket pocket. A team of speech-writers and voice coaches in the wings control the transmitter. When a meaningful pause is required, the controllers simply press and hold a large red button. In response, the receiver in the speaker's pocket delivers a voltage to electrodes embedded on either side of the throat band, sufficient to... inhibit... further vocalisations until the button is released.

MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 07 2017


       It's not that politicians (obviously) lie. It's that they lie to themselves, and expect everyone else to nod knowingly in agreement.
theircompetitor, Jun 07 2017

       Now, there's an example. If you'd phrased that as "It's not that politicians... lie... it's that they lie to themselves."...
MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 07 2017

       // a voltage to electrodes embedded on either side of the throat band, sufficient to... inhibit... further vocalisations //   

       Could this be adapted to not only inhibit vocalisation, but also respiration ?   

       Would the power supply be capable of achieving this for a useful period of time, for example thirty of your Earth minutes ?   

       That would definitely be of great benefit to your species.
8th of 7, Jun 07 2017

       Such a lethal effect could only be obtained by... misuse of the Pausulator.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 07 2017

       Perish the thought ....
8th of 7, Jun 07 2017

       ... not be as good as Jeremy Clarkson.
8th of 7, Jun 07 2017

       There's, some...thing, on the right wing.   

       Most likely the starboard engine(s). Look at the centre console and count the throttle levers. If there are two or three, you should see one engine. If there are four, you should see two engines. If you can see more than two engines, you're in a B-52 or an Antonov. If you can see five throttle levers, you need to take more water with it.
8th of 7, Jun 07 2017

       Dammit! That was my best Shatner impersonation from his Twilight Zone debut and you just Borged all over it.   

       Go to your cubical.   

       I see you shiver with an----ticipation...
hippo, Jun 08 2017

       // my best Shatner impersonation //   

       We'd hate to hear your worst one.
8th of 7, Jun 08 2017

pertinax, Jun 08 2017


back: main index

business  computer  culture  fashion  food  halfbakery  home  other  product  public  science  sport  vehicle