Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Personal foliage

Like mistletoe for people
  (+5, -4)
(+5, -4)
  [vote for,

All sorts of living things grow on people - bacteria, fungi, parasitic animals. These things seem to have secured their niche by being small or having sharp teeth. No large plants exist that live off humans, presumably because they would be quite easy to remove by hand. However, if a human host were to tolerate such a plant, it could easily get the nutrients it needs to survive.

I propose a range of ornamental parasitic plants that can be grown on human hosts. These plants would serve the purpose of being attractive and unusual, and their hosts/owners might become fond of them, like pets.

Personal lichens might be a nice alternative for less showy customers, and they would probably need less nutrients than the exuberant and bushy mistletoes.

FishFinger, Dec 04 2007

hmmmm http://www.flickr.c...ascript/2075974677/
[xandram, Dec 04 2007]

Deck the halls, not the forest http://www.publicbr...e&ARTICLE_ID=852753
[Canuck, Dec 05 2007]

Tree Man http://news.sky.com...059-1294121,00.html
Not for the faint of heart. [theleopard, Dec 06 2007]


       [+], provided you steer clear of GE.
Ned_Ludd, Dec 04 2007

       Just as a matter of interest, is your objection to genetic engineering moral or practical (or something else)? Can you think of a way to create personal plants without genetic meddling?
FishFinger, Dec 04 2007

       Our usual objection to genetic engineering here at the Half Bakery resembles the famous objection to free verse; "poetry without rhyme or metre is like tennis without a net" (IIRC).   

       Basically, if you can tell us something we didn't know about *how* you might genetically engineer this, that'll be fine. Link to some learned articles and talk about metabolomes, and most of us will 'ooh' and 'aah' and be impressed. However, if you just use GE as a kind of all-purpose magic wand, it's regarded as cheating.   

       I think all this is covered in the Help file.
pertinax, Dec 04 2007

       Bromeliads would negate the need for GM...and watering.   

       Aunt Ghillie? Is that you?   

       Perhaps a two-stage effort. Grow warts on the skin, then grow epiphytes on the warts.
baconbrain, Dec 04 2007

       Just don't try to grow any moss on Keith Richards. Or Mick Jagger. Ditto Ron Wood & Charlie Watts.
Canuck, Dec 04 2007

       Mistletoe might work, and it would be handy at christmas. You can plant it on trees by slitting the bark and inserting the seed - might work for skin too.   

       A turf toupee would also be a nice idea.   

MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 05 2007

       MB, try selling that mistletoe idea to the folks of Washington and Oregon where they're losing their ponderosa pine, fir, and hemlock trees to dwarf mistletoe. (See link)
Canuck, Dec 05 2007

       personal foliage - i *get* this idea totally... i'd like to order a pair of culottes in tiki fern [and i'd like a matching tiki torch to go with it]. thanks.
pyggy potamus, Dec 06 2007

       Just...just leaf me alone.
Noexit, Dec 06 2007

       If the plant grew bigger than you, wouldn't that make you some kind of a fruit?
sweet, Dec 09 2007

       Baked by my 11-year-old, when he refuses to shower until the foliage growing from his putrid parts actually drags him there against his will.
globaltourniquet, Dec 19 2007


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