Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Portable Bernard Bresslaw

Potential applications: unlimited (suggestions welcomed)
  (+10, -4)
(+10, -4)
  [vote for,

Have you ever been twiddling your browhair in that busy supermarket queue and suddenly realized: "I forgot to get yeast!"....

You want to jog back to the yeast aisle, but there are now at least three families behind you with large fully laden trolleys of small items. Frothing at the mouth, all.

Well, celebrate! Just inflate your portable Bernard Bresslaw, and your place will be kept. It even holds your basket and advances one step every thirty seconds.

Available in two models: "Up The Khyber" or "Nude".

kimble, Jul 10 2000

Al Packer--The Raw and the Cooked http://www.cs.pdx.e...-alferd-packer.html
Goin' to all the free T-shirt promotions [reensure, Jul 10 2000]


       This idea sounds very fun. Imagine the look on the face of the Nun at the till: 'Ooooh, Big Bernard Bresslaw Not-Hissing Air!'   

       Alternatively, one could send Bernard for the yeast.   

       Although at that rate this might take some time.   

       Could it have 'skipping' mode for certain stages?
eehen, Jul 10 2000

       Could there also be a Sid James model with 'dirty laugh' feature, or a Charles Haughtrey for narrower check-out aisles?
CaptainTangent, Jul 10 2000

       ... and a Hatty Jacques for wide aisles.   

       I was going to suggest a Jack Douglas for getting rounds in down the pub, but he would keep throwing the beer over his shoulder.
Mickey the Fish, Jul 10 2000

       I am cornfooz. Is this some UKoGBaNI thing?
StarChaser, Jul 11 2000

       'fraid so. "Carry On" movies. Curiously British smutty humour from the 20th century. For some reason, they never exported as well as Benny Hill.
Lemon, Jul 11 2000

       I'd so buy a portable Benny Hill. Be great fun at parties, in locker rooms, at the all-girls academy...
naveline, Jul 15 2000

       I'm currently renting portable Frankie Howerds for wedding ceremonies.   

       Available in two models: "Toga" or "Older"
eehen, Jul 16 2000

       I have three of the Howerd "Toga" models - it makes for a good night in just watching them out-"Ooh missus" each other. Although I also use one Derek Griffiths for variety.   

       Americans: please hold, am still trying to compute your equivalent...   

       ...maybe we Halfbake: obscure cultural icon translator?   

       ...does every country have its own Brian Cant?
kimble, Jul 16 2000

       Certainly not!   

       But Roger Cobb is indeed transcendental!   

       (ohchrist whathave I done)
eehen, Jul 19 2000


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