[Advertisement opens in kitchen. Two young boys, BOY 1 and BOY 2, are seated on adjacent stools at the breakfast table. BOY 1 pours cereal into his bowl, and examines it with a pocket magnifying lens.]
BOY 2: What's that you've got in your bowl?
BOY 1: Precancerous Crunch, of course! It's
BOY 2: Say, what're those little red bits?
BOY 1: They're the marshmellow melanomas. I just check against the box's handy list of criteria to see if they're malignant.
[Camera moves to behind BOY 1 and shows box's colorful chart.]
A is for asymmetrical, B is for borders that are uneven or irregular, C stands for a color varying from one area to another, D is for diameter larger than 6mm, and E is for enlargement over time!
BOY 2: Gee, that's swell! But how do I know which are malignant and which are benign?
[Close shot of cereal shown with trademark cereal commercial-style splash of milk.]
BOY 1: It's simple- just add milk, and the benign marshmallows turn blue!
VOICEOVER: Precancerous Crunch-- the only cereal with 13 essential vitamins and minerals, as well as official recognition by the National Cancer Institute.
BOY 2: Wow! This mole on my arm meets three of the five criteria for being a malignant melanoma! I'd better go speak to my licensed dermatologist. Thanks, Precancerous Crunch!
VOICEOVER: And for a limited time, you can send in 5 box tops for this awesome do-it-yourself biopsy kit. Be the envy of all your pals!
Author's Note: [bwv61] seems to get the idea here! It'a got that 'try and gross out mom' factor kids love, but they are actually learning something. Plus, a product tie-in with Banana Boat could work wonders for both brands.