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Ride the Shit-Steering Steer

File under TMI
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You know when you take a dump/have a shite/do a number two/move your bowels? When sitting on a conventional toilet, it is desirable for the fecal matter to fall in the water. If it does not, it leaves a horrible brown streak down the side of the bowl. How can we avoid this design deficiency?

The answer is simple: by continuously moving the sitter to guarantee he or she is on target. You need a moving toilet seat which rolls, pitches and shifts horizontally with a computerised aiming device. This will ensure your shit always ends up where you want it to go, and will give you an exciting ride at the same time, which may well stimulate your need to crap.

Too much time has been expended on the frivolous topic of controlling male urination: it is time to end this sexist focusing of resources, and present a toilet invention which both men and women can enjoy.

They probably have something similar in Japan already.

pottedstu, May 16 2002

Stewart platform https://en.wikipedi...ki/Stewart_platform
[notexactly, Mar 25 2015]

Toilet bowl designs https://en.wikipedi..._toilet#Bowl_design
See "Washout" and "Flachspüler", as mentioned in annotations [notexactly, Mar 25 2015]


       Heh 'stu - if you move around the thing ends up on the side walls.
neelandan, May 16 2002

       Boule shit?   

       Maybe a transatlantic cable laying firm has som good computer software.
FarmerJohn, May 16 2002

       What's wrong with hermetically sealing your man's ass to the toilet, and building up some sort of vortex in the bowl? The vortex would solve all targeting issues.
mcscotland, May 16 2002

       You could try the medieaval way - stick your posterior over a moat ...
Aristotle, May 16 2002

       Just employ the services of a bog brush! Duh!
ferret, May 16 2002

       Sharing some recently acquired Home Depot toilet geometry wisdom: you need a commode with a larger "water spot".   

       Sure are a lot of bathroom ideas (in some cases floating) around this site.
half, May 16 2002

       Ferret - your remark really worried me until I realised you meant *after* the event - as opposed to during...
yamahito, May 16 2002

       Surely the answer is for the bit where you sit to be the narrow end of the pan?
DrBob, May 16 2002

       I've experienced toilets in Europe with a shelf to catch the deposits so that the user can examine the results. I think this is to help assess general health; or it might be to retrieve swallowed marbles.   

       I think it was probably in France.
DenholmRicshaw, May 17 2002

       Not just France, [DenholmRicshaw]. I've seen many a simmilar style in the borders of Scotland and Edinburgh, in Victorian houses. A sort of two tier design. Thoroughly embarassing when you discover two things:
1. Your girlfriend's parents have such a design.
2. This particular design doesn't lend itself too readily to letting things easily disappear.
You'd never think small talk could be so hard...
mcscotland, May 17 2002

       [mcscotland] yes - two tier is a good summary   

       I have a friend ... who resorted to sitting the wrong way round on one of these contraptions to avoid all of the problems you mention.
DenholmRicshaw, May 17 2002

       [mcscotland] that just ruined the entire Victorian era for me...
RayfordSteele, May 18 2002

       You and Dr. Kellog, pottedstu.
entremanure, May 18 2002

       They don't have this in Japan as far as I know, but they do have moving urinals! At least, there is one in a vaguely Chinese restaurant near Shinjuku station that Westerners call "Heaven and Hell."   

       The ladies' room has a toilet stall in which all wall are mirrored except for the one with a giant creepy demon mask that extends from floor to ceiling and advances, yodeling, on the seated user (Star Wars trash compactor style.) It stops a few inches before reaching her knees.   

       The mens' room has a urinal that bobs around unpredictably on the wall to some music while the user tries to track his aim accordingly. Both of these animatronic toilets seem to be activated by a motion sensor that picks up the user's approach.   

       I dunno about the dancing urinal, but I found the yodeling demon wall a bit, um, inhibiting. I think this rodeo pot would probably be much the same.
magrak, Jul 16 2002


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