Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Security Guards in Perpetuity

a business model
(+3, -3)
  [vote for,

The thought of death makes me paranoid. When you die, the people you knew when you were living come over to your place and steal all your stuff.

They rationalize away the reasons why your stuff is rightfully theirs while telling each other mildly pleasant fictions about your character.

The Perpetual Security Guard contract solves this disgusting problem by continuing to guard your stuff in perpetuity. Funding is handled the same way as a graveyard, with the initial expenditure (theoretically) securing a caretaking endowment.

Laughs Last, Jun 19 2008


       You care about your stuff when you die? Write a will. Leave everything to a security guard.
zen_tom, Jun 19 2008

       Take it with you(?), or just die knowing that whatever you leave will be recycled by somebody who really wants it.   

       Take the money it would cost to hire security guards and donate it to a worthy cause so what you leave behind truly makes a difference.   

       Just my 2¢, FWIW.
Klaatu, Jun 19 2008


       Personally I'd like to get creative with the will. Make the vultures wear a bucket on their heads for a year or else it goes to the Battersea Dogs Home.
Bad Jim, Jun 19 2008

       Let me make the following clarifications:   

       The business plan is for the establishment of an endowment to pay for expenses. I haven't figured the numbers, but it would be a fixed fee and not necessarily a person's entire wealth.   

       "Stuff" is personal effects, not real estate. This stuff could be moved for co-location.   

       The employment of security guards is a worthy cause that makes a difference, or at least that's what they tell me.   

       I do have a Will for things of value, but it isn't comprehensive of personal effects. For example, it doesn't address my 42 copies of Catcher in the Rye or my toothbrush.
Laughs Last, Jun 26 2008


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