h a l f b a k e r y
Replace "light" with "sausages" and this may work...
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I would like to be secretly cremated. At my funeral, a coffin holding the following items would be carried:
A mist machine
An audio device
An animated corpse robot (maybe a rented Asimo in a corpse costume wearing fancy clothes)
The plan, obviously, is for the mist to start pouring out,
a muffled screaming and scratching sound to be heard, for the coffin to be dropped, and for the robot to stand up and stumble about for ten minutes or so.
||You had me at 'obviously'. [+]
||That would be great! There could be a second one that gets out of the hole and tackles the first back into it:O) Then flames, followed by earth collapsing into the hole.