h a l f b a k e r y
Keep out of reach of children.
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The new BorgCo Sta(i)rgate is designed to fit quickly and easily into any home. It appears as a square metal frame, surrounding a thick ring adorned with complex symbology resembling Egyptian hieroglyphs.
In the centre of the ring is a panel of strong silvery mirror-like flexible material, illuminated
by concealed lighting around the rim, and caused to continuously "ripple" by quiet but powerful fans with nozzles around the perimiter.
The device has two modes, Standby and On. In "Standby" mode, if a toddler collides with the silvery surface, they are just bounced back, like a trampoline. In "On" mode, if a toddler collides with the silvery surface, they pass straight through, and are instantaneously* transported over intergalactic distances on a one-way trip to an unknown and most likely harsh and unforgiving environment.
*From the point of view of the local observer; the subjective experience of the transportee may vary, depending on the selected destination.
||So basically a reflective version of Jimmy Savile's front door?
||If the transport ends up somewhere in 8th's house, then the
description is likely accurate.
||How goes the effort to add the gate glyphs to Unicode?
||Surprisingly well ... the initial RFC got a very positive reception.
Some tweaking needed in response to replies, but nothing major
- expect the first release version any month now.
||If the Standby/On switch works and is clearly marked,
then this idea should be mfd'ed for being a
WTCTTISITMWIBNIIWR. However, if the Standby/On switch
is inaccessible, stuck on 'standby', or causes an
error message to be displayed ("The intergalactic
transport mode of this device is temporarily
unavailable. Please call product support. Lines are
open 08:11 to 08:12 on alternate Thursdays after a
full moon") then that's fine.
||Product support should be handled by someone on
the other side of the gate.
||I do worry that advancing gate technology will
simply set off a toddler arms race, eventually
resulting in toddlers that can teleport
spontaneously to undesirable locations, like 5
inches from my face while I'm sleeping.
||There is no need to bypass any "intergalactic distance" to
encounter a "harsh and unforgiving environment". Venus,
for example, has just such an environment, and is within
spitting distance, relatively speaking. So is the Moon, the
Sun, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Titan, Pluto, and a
large number of other places scattered as nearby as the
Kuiper Belt and the Oort Cloud.