Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
Keep out of reach of children.

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The new BorgCo Sta(i)rgate is designed to fit quickly and easily into any home. It appears as a square metal frame, surrounding a thick ring adorned with complex symbology resembling Egyptian hieroglyphs.

In the centre of the ring is a panel of strong silvery mirror-like flexible material, illuminated by concealed lighting around the rim, and caused to continuously "ripple" by quiet but powerful fans with nozzles around the perimiter.

The device has two modes, Standby and On. In "Standby" mode, if a toddler collides with the silvery surface, they are just bounced back, like a trampoline. In "On" mode, if a toddler collides with the silvery surface, they pass straight through, and are instantaneously* transported over intergalactic distances on a one-way trip to an unknown and most likely harsh and unforgiving environment.

*From the point of view of the local observer; the subjective experience of the transportee may vary, depending on the selected destination.

8th of 7, Sep 05 2017


       So basically a reflective version of Jimmy Savile's front door?
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 05 2017

       If the transport ends up somewhere in 8th's house, then the description is likely accurate.   

       How goes the effort to add the gate glyphs to Unicode?
RayfordSteele, Sep 05 2017

       Surprisingly well ... the initial RFC got a very positive reception. Some tweaking needed in response to replies, but nothing major - expect the first release version any month now.
8th of 7, Sep 06 2017

       If the Standby/On switch works and is clearly marked, then this idea should be mfd'ed for being a WTCTTISITMWIBNIIWR. However, if the Standby/On switch is inaccessible, stuck on 'standby', or causes an error message to be displayed ("The intergalactic transport mode of this device is temporarily unavailable. Please call product support. Lines are open 08:11 to 08:12 on alternate Thursdays after a full moon") then that's fine.
hippo, Sep 06 2017

       Product support should be handled by someone on the other side of the gate.   

       I do worry that advancing gate technology will simply set off a toddler arms race, eventually resulting in toddlers that can teleport spontaneously to undesirable locations, like 5 inches from my face while I'm sleeping.
RayfordSteele, Sep 06 2017

       There is no need to bypass any "intergalactic distance" to encounter a "harsh and unforgiving environment". Venus, for example, has just such an environment, and is within spitting distance, relatively speaking. So is the Moon, the Sun, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Titan, Pluto, and a large number of other places scattered as nearby as the Kuiper Belt and the Oort Cloud.
Vernon, Sep 07 2017

       New Jersey ?
8th of 7, Sep 07 2017


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