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The Discipline Machine

Small soundproof box helps families living in studio/small spaces.
  (+7, -9)
(+7, -9)
  [vote for,

The Discipline Machine is simply a small (3'x4'x5') box, soundproofed with an air handling mechanism and live video feed output into which you can place an utterly rampant child for a period of time until they calm down and learn their lesson or whatever happens when children stop acting like the devil incarnate. This is useful for kids between the ages of 2 and 20. There is a water bottle feed, gerbil style.

There may be the need for a built in maximum locking time interval, say 2hrs, so that people don't start using these things in abuse crimes, but our lawyers aren't sure it is necessary at this time.

Also, it is self cleaning. You just pour a half gallon of water into a reservoid on the top, press a button, and in 20 mins the interior is clean as a whistle. Preliminary studies in some countries have found that the device may double as a toilet.

daseva, Oct 17 2008

Toddler Cage Toddler_20cage
similar concept. [bungston, Oct 17 2008]

Jean-Paul Sartre http://en.wikipedia...ki/Jean-Paul_Sartre
"C'est magnifique, mais ce n'est pas le gare....." [8th of 7, Oct 22 2008]

Seattle Automated Toilets http://www.nytimes....7/us/17toilets.html
The idea seems to imply such existing toilets could be modified. The city scrapped these toilets and sold them at a massive loss. Pretty good article. [Amos Kito, Oct 23 2008]


       Add a few strobe lights, smoke machine and "The Japanese Popstars" and I might just climb into this myself.
skinflaps, Oct 17 2008


       1. The box is too big.   

       2. The air handling system is an unecessary luxury.   

       3. The water flow should be continuous, alternating between hot and very cold.   

8th of 7, Oct 17 2008


       could make it so the child has to spin the hamster wheel x amount of times before the box opens again.
FlyingToaster, Oct 17 2008

       I’d prefer if this object were on display completely sealed, inert. You’d need just one, placed in some accessible location of town. “See that, kids? It’s the Discipline Machine. You don’t want to know what it’s like in there.” So Time Out can still be anywhere convenient to the parents.
Amos Kito, Oct 17 2008

       [8th], yes perhaps the dimensions are a bit large. Though, I wanted to accomodate a larger age range. Also, <off the record> I like your idea of using the water feed as a form of torture. Would you be interested in a high end position on our design team?</oor>.   

       [Amos], a main point of all this is that people are raising kids in homes that don't have more than one room. This product would perserve a 'go to your room' type dynamic without throwing kids in broom closets (which was also a main motivation for [bungston]'s Toddler Cage). I feel honored that one thinks the machine could be used as a symbol of the potential terribleness of life if children act like animals. Thank you.
daseva, Oct 17 2008

       "It's like this dear. Until the box is opened little Billy is neither alive nor dead but exists in a quantum state. It's better this way."   

       So did we.
8th of 7, Oct 19 2008

       This is an old idea. The way it went is you take the child and put it in a barrel and seal the top. You feed them through a hole in the side. When they become teenagers you plug up the hole.
theGem, Oct 19 2008

       This will get you jail time over here.   

       BTW, this kind of flippant promotion of child abuse is a bit much. If it's meant tongue-in-cheek, then it really isn't funny. If it isn't, you really need to read up on the subject before you have kids.   

       Children sometimes act like children. Saying that children act "like animals" has a lot more to do with the person observing the behavior than the actual behavior of the child. Trying to completely control their occasional impulsiveness and tantrums will do very bad things to them later on.   

       Placing them in a closet, or any other confined space is never, ever, ever, a legitimate form of discipline, and does not teach the child anything other than cruelty exists and that it is used by the people who is supposed to love them. It is demeaning to take a child out of their normal environment and to place them into a purpose-built contraption mean to cut them off from human contact and empathy.   

       It is stupid and weak to suggest that this is the proper way to handle a tantrum. Simply placing the child in such a thing would be an abuse crime. It would also result in the child being frightened and alone, for the sake of your present peace.   

       Therefore [marked-for-deletion] cruelty.
nomocrow, Oct 21 2008

       The devil is not an animal. And humans are animals by category, so I am doubly confused regarding the relevance of your annotation, [nmc]. I appreciate your sensitivity towards the topic, but I will stand that this idea does not promote cruelty, and so I wish for the mfd to be retracted. There are no studies indicating that tempoary isolation induces any sort of permanent damage to an individual; if you present them then I will gladly remove the idea.
daseva, Oct 21 2008

       // and does not teach the child anything other than cruelty exists and that it is used by the people who is supposed to love them //   

       Your argument is fallacious. Being taught to expect to be cruely treated by someone you thought loved you is not only a normal part of adult life, but an essential preparation for marriage and its aftermath.   

       PS. Gram: "who are supposed to"
8th of 7, Oct 21 2008

       //You apparently don't have children//   

       Two. Seven and five, both girls. Neither are medicated. Nanny state? Louisiana? we still beat kids in the schools here.   

       //The devil is not an animal. //   

       So it's better to say that your child is behaving like a physical manifestation of all of the evil forces in the world? I get that it is hyperbole. "Like animals," not so much.   

       //Your argument is fallacious.//   


       //Being taught to expect to be cruely treated by someone you thought loved you is not only a normal part of adult life, but an essential preparation for marriage and its aftermath.//   

       That's just fucking sad.   

       //And humans are animals by category//   

       Not in the sense that it is used in the simile.   

       //so I wish for the mfd to be retracted//   

       Sorry, no.   

       (There are no studies concerning the effects of racking your children for short periods, but it would be cruel to rack your children even a little bit, just as it is cruel to put them in a closet to punish them. Even for a short period.)   

       I wonder about people who need a full study to verify the CFO. In any event, forced seclusion in child mental health facilities is recommended only when there is a substantial risk of physical harm.
nomocrow, Oct 21 2008

       What exactly is cruel about this? Please change the language; I like f-bombs when used in a different context. You've used it to strengthen the depth of your feelings, and I'm not buying.   

       //It is demeaning// Via the online dictionary: Demeaning - causing awareness of your shortcomings. In this respect, then yes, I agree that the device is demeaning. Demeaning does not indicate cruelty, though.   

       //It is stupid and weak//... Neither of these qualifiers indicate cruelty. And I resent the stupid part, I want this to be a very high end device. I would encourage a definitive explanation of the cruelty inherent in said device if the mfd is going to stick.   

       ... maybe I should have posted something about a lockable, soundproof play pen? Let's be realistic. You can always throw some toys and a bottle of juice in there, anyways.
daseva, Oct 22 2008

       Absolutely agree, [UB] - but the kind of discipline you advocate is very different from locking a child in a small soundproof box
hippo, Oct 22 2008

       Miss Wibble locked me in the stationery cupboard at my primary school for being naughty. Yes, it was scary, humiliating, dark and lonely, but it never did me any harm. I'm a rational, well-mannered moral person. No penchant for violence or cruelty. I am a happy, easy going chap with a positive glass-is-half-full approach to life. I enjoy reading. I have been known to go to the theatre and enjoy the arts. I'm a nice guy, me.   

       She's dead now.
theleopard, Oct 22 2008

       // She's dead now. //   

       <considers possible direct relationship between first paragraph, second paragraph, [theleopard]'s attitude to Miss Wibble, and her current state of non-life>   

       Did she teach geography ? If she taught Geography, she got what was coming to her.   

       // That's just fucking sad. //   

       Sad, but oh, so true, so very true. We are willing to concede that there may well be human females who don't turn out to be humourless, egotistical, status-obsessed selfish vindictive bitches after a few years of close aquaintance. It's just we haven't met any (yet).
8th of 7, Oct 22 2008

       She was a jack-of-all-trades primary school teacher, but yes, she taught some geography. She taught geography all too well.   

       Did I mention how dead she is?
theleopard, Oct 22 2008

       You did, but you should probably change her name to something a little more pseudonymic - you know what the authorities are nowadays - the slightest excuse and all that.
zen_tom, Oct 22 2008

       Ahem <edit> cough cough.
theleopard, Oct 22 2008

       <edit> likewise.   

       It is a sad fact of modern life that the Criminal Justice system displays such a laissez-faire attitude towards those guilty of the appalling vicious, premeditated and unjustified crime of geography teaching.
8th of 7, Oct 22 2008

       [theleopard] you should be grateful it was a stationary cupboard. If it was the kind of cupboard which moved about at high speed you might have got seriously hurt.
hippo, Oct 22 2008

       Ha! Good thing I can edit my annotations, eh? Aha!
theleopard, Oct 22 2008

       But if I leave my annotation then the shame of your error will endure for ever.
hippo, Oct 22 2008

       Others will naturally assume you just made it up, to make me look silly or something.   

       Tut tut [hippo], and thrice tut.   

       And it's spelt "annotation" by the way. Dear oh dear.
theleopard, Oct 22 2008

       // None of those dead actually taught geography //   

       Something of an oversight, that. Well, don't just sit there typing, man - get out there and finish them off !
8th of 7, Oct 22 2008

       The small size is a necessity, resulting from the intended consumer's living space. It is not too small that a child can not have a chair in which to sit, space to lie down on a mat, stand up and jump around a bit, etc. It is, considering the limited state of some people's living space, optimal. Owning one of these in a larger home would/should be frowned upon.   

       [8th], it is my experience that you tend to only allow dimensions of personality in others that you are familiar with; that is, your own. A truly nonmaterialistic person would interpret materialism as a peculair, perhaps healthy form of idolatry. Maybe. Anyways, I wouldn't call myself materialistic either. But, I did buy a pair of shoes the other day that are killer. Flat out homicidal, they are. I'm invincible with those damn things on.
daseva, Oct 22 2008

       //Tell us you're not breeding a couple of precious darlings who don't understand the nature of discipline, responsibility and social etiquette, [nomocrow]? //   

       Why? You probably wouldn't believe that my children are perfectly behaved in public without my having to hit them.   

       Which they are. They are even well-spoken. They have time- outs; we just don't use a closet for it.   

       And don't give me that Shock! Horror! hyperbolic B.S. I think my response was correctly measured for an idea that promotes locking a kid in a closet to discipline them.   

       You people are actually defending locking a kid in a closet for periods up to two hours to discipline them. I don't think that there is anyway of saying "I promote locking a kid in a small space for up to two hours to discipline them" without sounding like a criminally bad parent.
nomocrow, Oct 22 2008

       Actually that reminds me [UB] - I've met your children, and they were lovely.
hippo, Oct 22 2008

       What about locking other people's children in a small space ? Nothing wrong with that.   

       Shopping centres should have special "squauking brat" patrols. When one of the little buggers starts playing up, pull the alarm handle ..... within seconds, a Man with a Cage on wheels - dressed as the Child Catcher from Chitty-Chitty Bang-Bang - will scoop up the blighter and cart it off to a suitably imposing "dungeon" from whence it can be (optionally) retrieved by the prents, or alternatively sold for body parts on eBay.
8th of 7, Oct 22 2008

       If someone else did that to your kids you would want to put them in jail.
theGem, Oct 22 2008

       Jean-Paul Sartre said, "Hell is other people". <link>   

       But he was mistaken; Hell is other people's children.
8th of 7, Oct 22 2008

       Wow, this one created some unexpected controversy. I thought it was going to be a machine to convert people to worshipping the idol of your choice. I never could read. Or spel.
wagster, Oct 22 2008

       [UB] You got me. Your logic is impeccable. It defies the very need to take statements in context.
nomocrow, Oct 23 2008

nomocrow, Oct 23 2008

       Somewhat baked (Google Thorndike's puzzle boxes or B.F. Skinner + Operant Conditioning)   

       I'm a little late in the debate though so just imagine that I had said something very poignant and mildly offensive.
MikeD, Oct 24 2008


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