Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Thunderpants

Your Every Step Shall Be Mighty
  (+20, -5)(+20, -5)
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Pants which bellow with a semi-metallic thunder-type roar when you walk. Would work on a sensor triggered by a certain angle of knee-bending. Would, of course, have an "off" switch to avoid embarrasment should your amazing new pants help you find a sex partner, or several.

The advantages are countless.

One Advantage: Lend dramatic emphasis to your important statements simply by moving, as in "You can't fire me, I quit! *ECHOING CRASH*"
Two Advantage: Terrify criminals and no-goodniks with your god-like approach.
Three Advantage: Rhymes with "underpants."
More Advantage: When you enter a room, all the beautiful women (and men!) will notice you.
Another Advantage: You would be easy for your friends to find, even if they are looking for you at dark, crowded, loud, rowdy punk shows.

subgenius, Jul 05 2002

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       Laurie Anderson had a jacket wired for sound, and I have fitted robot costumes with samplers so mechanical noises are triggered by certain movements, but this is the first speaking trouser that I know of. Good one!
pfperry, Jul 05 2002
  

       Make 'em cordouroys and you could invoke lightning as well--just be sure to insulate sensitive areas. But I'm rather suspicious of 'More advantage.' More likely, all the electrical engineers will notice you and say, 'snort! Like those pants! Wanna play with my Star Trek communicator?'
RayfordSteele, Jul 05 2002
  

       Could you build them with metal panels that flex as you walk, giving you a low rumbling sound, like the noise theatrical sound effects people get from flexing sheet metal?   

       Wobbling steel pants would be cool.
pottedstu, Jul 05 2002
  

       i was trying to think up some way to do that, like at least with really flimsy cookie-sheet-shaped panels behind the knees, but i couldn't figure out a way that your legs wouldn't get bruised. Of course, the bruising would be a plus in certain markets.
subgenius, Jul 05 2002
  

       As much as I hate to admit it, I like this idea. Just don't blow out the speaker and begin making weak frapping noises.
phoenix, Jul 05 2002
  

       It's better than penis pants. Croissant. I think we *almost* have a nonelectric version of these in the form of parachute/ windbreaking pants.
polartomato, Jul 05 2002
  

       Define: windbreaking pants
thumbwax, Jul 06 2002
  

       Windbreaking Pants: pants bearing a prominent oflactory resemblance to the pants worn by your mother. ;)
subgenius, Jul 06 2002
  

       I think MC Hammer had those.. (yeah, I know.. who?)
Mr Burns, Jul 09 2002
  

       thunder... Thunder... THUNDER... THUNDERPANTS!!! HOOOOO!!!!
Mr Burns, Jul 09 2002
  

       Hey- when you get drunk, can they make that sweet wobbly sawblade sound that cartoon people make after they get hit in the head with a mallet? Adds to the effect, you know?
Mr Burns, Jul 09 2002
  

       Or maybe there could be lightning that comes out the rear of the pants when you pass gas...
Aurora, Jul 09 2002
  

       [Aurora] That's effectively a flamethrower; methane + spark. I don't know why but I like this idea.
pooduck, Jan 12 2005
  

       Thunderpants are go!
zeno, Jan 12 2005
  
      
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