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"Corporal Jones" survival autoinjector

Stay calm, stay alive.
  [vote for,

There are some circumstances where adrenaline will save your life.

There are others where panicking will surely kill you.

Being able to control panic is a major feature of training programmes; making a situation just a little bit familiar (helicopter* submerged escape drill, etc.) can be the difference between life and death.

For those moments when the training isn't enough, make sure you're wearing the new BorgCo armband. Just slap the actvator pad and the system starts a two-part process; a grid of tiny needles perforate a sachet of fast-acting tranquilizer, then the wearer's skin, giving an immediate level of protection- and a second slow-release medication is dispensed in a manner similar to a nicotine patch.

Buy yours today !

(Sold in packs of one. Initial testing indcates that there isn't likely to be a lot of repeat business).

*A bit of a contradiction, since if you got on a helicopter of your own volition you clearly already had a death-wish.

8th of 7, Mar 11 2020

Lance Corporal Jones https://en.wikipedi...ance_Corporal_Jones
His catchphrases are "Don't panic!" ... [8th of 7, Mar 11 2020]


       [+] for invoking Dad's Army.   

       For the more up to date - does this survival kit include a pair of Joo Janta sunglasses?   

       And lastly -- what have you got against helicopters? (this should be entertaining)
Chairborne Hero, Mar 11 2020

       The sunglasses are available as an extra cost option; the DeLuxe version can even be linked to automatically trigger the armband.   

       // what have you got against helicopters? //   

       You're new here, aren't you ? Little things give it away ...   

       In the same way we view cats, we also loathe and detest rotary wing in all its forms. Any airborne vehicle which can trace its ancestry back to an domestic whisk in one generation is not worth considering except perhaps as a source of spares* for a real aeroplane.   

       *The radios, the seats, the instruments ... that's about it.
8th of 7, Mar 11 2020

       I don't think old Jonesey panics. I mean, he had 20+ years of empire campaigning behind him at the start of WW1. He never shies away from dangerous situations, maybe he's just excited for a bit of action?
bs0u0155, Mar 11 2020

       Thanks for clearing that up. I thought perhaps I had missed it among all your other background loathings. But that one isn't specifically listed in your profile and I must not yet have stumbled upon other comments.   

       (Jots note in 8th's dossier: another quirk, may exploit to get them wound up about something...)
Chairborne Hero, Mar 11 2020

       Helicopter cats! Cats in helico-pters! CopterKittens! Rotating their tails and smiling beatifically down on us all!
pocmloc, Mar 11 2020

       <Wipes oily rag lovingly over breechblock of 88mm FlAK 39/>   

       <Checks ready-use racks are full/>   

       "Bring 'em on !"
8th of 7, Mar 11 2020

       Oh, you missed, sorry. The transporter doesn't work so well with this century's primitive "broadband" and the shells didn't make it through.   

       All that came out of my phone was some staticy ack-ack noises.
Chairborne Hero, Mar 11 2020

       That training film "How Not To Be Seen" has a lot to answer for. We know [pertinax] has watched it because he has turned out to be uncommonly skilled at avoiding AA rounds fired on a very low trajectory.   

       But we'll get him in the end. Or maybe in the head, or torso - if he's lucky.
8th of 7, Mar 11 2020


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