Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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weary fondling crew

This is a personnel initiative for reducing stress in the work place
  (+8, -4)
(+8, -4)
  [vote for,

Whatever the cause, sick building sickness or just workload; at the first signs of stress in a colleague and the signs can often be quite clear. e.g. an increase in bad language, loud banging about, thumb sucking and baby talk, heavy stapling (often into fleshy parts of the body and copious blood loss), that subtle sarcastic tone on the phone, even the ripping of paper can give off subliminal cries for help.

It is the time to bring in the weary fondling crew, specially trained counsellors with steaming mugs of decaffeinated coffee, great hunky bars of chocolate, aromotherapy fragrances, and the promise of a back rub or a foot massage together with hypnotic soothing “there, there it’s going to be alright” type noises. To complete the experience they will bring with them cuddly rabbits and kittens.

Of course, if your colleague has locked themselves in the airtight stationery cupboard for a week – it may be already too late.

po, Feb 07 2002


       This has been done already, at dotcoms usually. I once had someone massaging me while I was coding. It was really weird and I wouldn't want to do it again.
shunt, Feb 07 2002

       Perhaps as an adjunct to the carrymehome.com service so beautifully described here on the œB last year.
bristolz, Feb 07 2002

       po - this is a worthy career idea for you & me. The c/b is gonna be a tough sell, though. There must be some reason they want us to be stressed out and unhappy, since their systems seem to cause this effect rather universally.

Bring dogs too, they are very good at finding people hidden in cupboards, closets, and sundry alcoves.

Oh, and in addition to the symptoms you mention, I've found that the replacement rate of keyboards and mice is a good indicator (I've had periods in which I've averaged one new mouse every 3 days).
quarterbaker, Feb 07 2002

       <Obligatory> I thought this idea was about... well, something *entirely* different than what it is. </Obligatory>   

       The crew would never get to leave my desk.
phoenix, Feb 07 2002

       //I've averaged one new mouse every 3 days//
Do Tell
thumbwax, Feb 07 2002

       Not all the time! Just during certain periods of intensely frustrating work. The darned things tend to fling themselves against walls and floors, or collapse like a crushed pop can. It's been a while - the current mouse has lasted a few months.
quarterbaker, Feb 07 2002

       … before this becomes too distracting, it all has nothing to do with next payday, Hmm?
reensure, Feb 07 2002

       ... have a guthorrible feeling we are talking live mice here....he is a very strange man, is our quarterbaker
po, Feb 07 2002

       Too touchy-feely; if they showed up and started doing this stuff to me, I'd quickly run out of space beneath the floorplates to hide the bodies. Decaf coffee is an abomination, and I don't like chocolate.
StarChaser, Feb 07 2002

       bristles at his not liking chocolate
bristolz, Feb 08 2002

       // Of course, if your colleague has locked themselves in the airtight stationery cupboard for a week – it may be already too late. //   

       Reminds me of in Microserfs by Douglas Coupland where someone locks himself in his office for days, and his friends have to feed him by sliding flat foodstuffs (cheese slices, etc.) under the door. Must be a halfbakery idea in that. Flat chocolate?
pottedstu, Feb 08 2002

       no of course you don't, all the more for us choccy lovers.
po, Feb 08 2002

       The title does sound rather like half-hearted foreplay. "Oh, I'll just give 'em a bit of a tweak, and move on to where the action is."
pottedstu, Feb 08 2002

       I can see it now: "Ha ha ha! It's an intangible benefit! Now we can slash your paychecks!!!"
magnificat, Feb 08 2002

       Cloying? Sweet? UnaBubba, that sounds like milk chocolate and that's not chocolate.  Dark, bittersweet chocolate--now that's chocolate.  That said, I know many people who don't like chocolate in any of its guises.  I despise cilantro, myself.  
bristolz, Feb 08 2002

       bounty bar, who could refuse a bounty bar?
po, Feb 08 2002

phoenix, Feb 08 2002

       I can take like one piece of dark chocolate, but if it were to disappear, I'd never notice.   

       Cilantro tastes like soap to me.   

       What's a bounty bar? Sounds like more soap...
StarChaser, Feb 09 2002

       a confection of sweet milky coconut encapsulated in either a slim parcel of dark plain or rich lush milk chocolate. Just a simple combination of the two divine tastes that complement and entwine. This perfect creation just melts on the tongue and leaves you craving and yearning for just a little more of the ecstasy which is ......
po, Feb 09 2002

       I eat chocolate as slowly as I can (even if it's melting all over my hands) with a giant glass of milk to wash it down. This keeps it from being overpoweringly sweet and makes it last a nice, long time. Add a great book to the mixture you've got heaven.
Galileo, Feb 09 2002

       Somewhat baked, at my law school. There's an organization called Stressbusters that gives free massages to students. No cute and fuzzy bunnies, though.
bookworm, Feb 10 2002

       Sounds like a Mounds bar. Dark chocolate and coconut. I like those.   

       Would kill my fiancee,though. She's allergic to coconut.
StarChaser, Feb 10 2002

bristolz, Feb 10 2002

       Hey, milk chocolate's good! It's all creamy, and chocolately, and sweet... But, any other kind of chocolate's good too.
friendless-person, Nov 26 2003

       I thought this was a film crew made up of homeless children working for less than minimum wage or something. Brazilian film?
Eugene, Nov 26 2003


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