Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Be a soldier for a day

A week tour of the worlds hot spots---
  (+4, -26)(+4, -26)(+4, -26)
(+4, -26)
  [vote for,

Ride along with the crew of an Apache 64, and helm the gun of the mighty beast. Yes, for the price of a vacation at club Med. you too can blast the enemy in Iraq, face down the bad guys while on patrol in the Middle East, and patrol the border of the United States. A business can offer a service where you can go on to become a solider for a week or two. A mandatory fee in case of death or serious injury can cover anything that might happen to you. Two days of quick training and then out in the field.

A helicopter would cost more than a tank, but less than a patrol in the jungles. Imagine telling the firends back home that you were dressed as a Ranger, armed with a M-16, blasting someone one minute, and riding an Abrams the next.

Cost would start at 5,000 a week for the Middle East and other hot spots. This would cover the uniform, food, and the arms you would need.

Dogcat, Mar 22 2008

a public service announcement http://www.youtube....watch?v=1eA3XCvrK90
knowing is half the battle [jaksplat, Mar 22 2008]

Holidays in Hell http://www.amazon.c...avels/dp/0802137016
Read this book. I promise you it's better than doing it for yourself. [wagster, Mar 22 2008]


       Sick. How about we drop you deep behind enemy lines?
normzone, Mar 22 2008

       Baked. And [-].
lurch, Mar 22 2008

       Yeah, now I can pay some random in my country, and then go invade someone else's. And kill people, so I can tell big stories back home.   

       What gives the "business" the moral right to have you shoot at foreigners? And how do we justify going on holidays just to kill people?   

       Maybe think of it this way - when you "blast away" at the "bad guy", he leaves behind parents, siblings, friends, spouse, children. It's not a video game where you respawn next round and do it again.   

       If I were you, I'd remove this idea - it's going to get fishboned into the far beyond. I'm going to guess that you're young enough that you're still invincible and war is still cool?
david_scothern, Mar 22 2008

       //patrol the border of the United States//
I think this part has merit - stop the buggers getting out.
AbsintheWithoutLeave, Mar 22 2008

       Baked, as the army reserve, and they will even pay you! And even better, since W had so much fun drinking on his reserve weekends, he expanded then to 9 months and added a pair of overseas exotic locales for better tanning. Even better, if you survive the first weekend, they will "ask" you back for four or five more. If you had plans or one of the other weekends, that's OK, they will come by and let you play another fun weekend game called "welcome to the fed" where the weekends last much longer and your fellow gamers can be even more hostile!   

       And best of all, if you survive all that, you will have learned many amazing things like: war isn't a game, death is not the worst thing that can happen to you and there are hundreds of thousands of men and women in the armed forces who are overworked and underpaid who have lately been assigned an impossible job of creating democracy for which they were not trained and no one has a solid idea how they are to accomplish. They certainly don't need to be put in further danger by being assigned the extra task of protecting some moronic adrenaline junkie who thinks life is a video game and that $5000 wouldn't even pay the travel expenses necessary to fly the moron into the rediculously dangerous place where he could have the opportunity to put his untrained hands on a weapon that will probably kill himself and an entire squad of real men who didn't deserve it.   

       Please tell this idea this idea to a vet and link to the youtube of the video tape.
MisterQED, Mar 22 2008

       Dogcat, I have three things to say.   

       1. If you spent any amount of time with my platoon, (currently serving tirelessly in the Baghdad area), you would be too ashamed to mention this Idea of yours. (Or at least to our faces)   

       2. There is nothing you can do in a day that will make you a soldier.   

       3. Your money making scheme would, (in all probability), turn into some form of gambling for us. I.E. "$20 says I can get him to [something an experienced combat troop would know is dangerous/lethal]". "I dunno, I'm willing to bet that he doesn't die, he just [various form of maiming/dismemberment]". "Not only do I say he'll die, I say 'Doc' wont even be able to [various life-saving technique] before the douche-bag [action or cease of action that usually precedes death].   

       Not that I condone gambling, I'm just saying ...   

       P.S. Room-mate just said "If you want to be a soldier, just sign the dotted line, cock-sucker"
MikeD, Mar 22 2008

       [-][-][-] line 'em up soldier!
xandram, Mar 22 2008

       I like it. Sort of war tourism.
ldischler, Mar 22 2008

       Wow, [DogCat]. I haven't seen so many bones on a profile page since [Pocketassreturn] lost his in the crash.
wagster, Mar 22 2008

       //I think this part has merit - stop the buggers getting out.//   

       Yes. How cheeky. (Did I say that right? Or should I have used more tea?)
MikeD, Mar 22 2008

       Quite correct old bean - and I hope you wore the monocle.   

wagster, Mar 22 2008

       // just sign the dotted line //   

       ... but if you want to be an officer, just try to make an "X"....... to make it easy for you, we've sharpened some pencils at both ends .....
8th of 7, Mar 22 2008

       //Two days of quick training and then out in the field.//

If the UK government finds many more "theatres" to send our dangerously-stretched troops into, I suspect this may become standard operating procedure...
Fishrat, Mar 23 2008

       What [MisterQED] first said... plus: please join the army. Your country needs you (to continue their stupid war) and the world doesn't. Make sure you get shot at... I mean, that's the fun you were looking for, right?
Pericles, Mar 23 2008

       [Pericles] And what country has not participated in warfare? So many are quick to criticize this war/police action/what-have-you. As a soldier, fighting in this war, I have changed my opinion on the U.S. involvment based soley on the changes I have seen, first-hand from my first deployment (2004-2005) compared with this one (2007 - ?). It is easy to be an armchair quarterback [chesterfield cricket coach?] <said with monocle> but if you value my opinion, I would say that the Iraqi people are benifiting greatly from the blood,sweat and tears (Not the music group) of the Coalition's armed forces.
MikeD, Mar 23 2008

       [dogcat] What do you want to be if you grow up?
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 23 2008

       <without offering any particular opinion of the politics behind the mission>   

       Good luck, [MikeD]. We look foward to receiving your postings from somewhere safer in the future.   

pertinax, Mar 24 2008

       What MrQED said.
Voice, Mar 24 2008

       [MikeD], if the US & the rest of the coalition weren't there, who would the "bad guys" be shooting at?   

       Yes, I understand that you believe that a Coalition victory is vital to world stability and the happiness of the Iraqi people, because that's what we're all told. Nonetheless, consider that if all of the occupying forces left, the death rate would drop enormously.   

       The presence of a billion Western soldiers is only beneficial in terms of forcing our particular view of the future on them. Whether or not that future is the best one for Iraq is a matter of debate which is currently being debated with small arms.
david_scothern, Mar 24 2008

       //[dogcat] What do you want to be if you grow up?// answer: a game
xenzag, Mar 24 2008

       //What do you want to be if you grow up?//   

       John Woo? James Cameron?   

       btw. Shittiest idea ever, on the half-bakery or otherwise.   

       MikeD, thanks for the service. I have a friend in Baghdad with the Oklahoma Guard.
Noexit, Mar 24 2008

       [Dave (if I may)] First and foremost, I beleive what I see. Nothing more and nothing less, but, unless I have percieved your words erroneously, you are calling me a "tool",yes? Well, hell. You could be right but ...   

       I have a question for you. What do you know about this war?   

       Me? Not much. Just my piece of the proverbial pie. My leiutenant might know a little bit more, but not much, whereas the grand-scheme-of-things is concerned. His superiors? And thiers? Same and same I would imagine.   

       Sun Tzu "All warfare is based on deception." (Baked many, many, many years ago. Emplimented today? I should think so.)   

       But surely someone or some group of people see the big picture, with ***all*** the information at thier disposal. Moreover, If our opinion on how things "ought to be done" differed from the opinion of those whose position it is to decide, I would say our lack of experience in such a position would be the sole explaination.   

       But there I go thinking again. I get paid to do. If not my superiors, then who will do my thinking for me? You? I reckon what I am trying to say is, the minds that guide my hands have a better resume than you.   

       [NoExit], [Pertinax] Your words fall on appreciative ears. [wagster] laughed my ass off. [QED] amen [8th of 7] they'd still f*ck it up.
MikeD, Mar 24 2008

       [MikeD], thanks, best wishes and best of luck to you.   

       As for the idea: I read somewhere that rich kids were flying into Beirut to fire guns from atop buildings. That may have been in a Tom Clancy book, with some old warrior describing what he'd once seen. So, really baked or not, it's been thought of. And it's still a sick concept.
baconbrain, Mar 24 2008

       [DogCat] - you're really tempting me to break my no-bone policy with this one.   

       Please delete.
Custardguts, Mar 24 2008

       [MikeD], I'd prefer to call you a "loyal servant" as I think that that better reflects the honourable truth - a servant has a mind, where a tool has none.   

       I agree - the minds behind the military effort have much more information and experience than I. The point I want to make is that they also have an agenda of their own - and that is to do what is best for America (the UK can't really claim a significant presence in Iraq any more, or I'd have said "coalition").   

       The safety of the Iraqi people would be greater if there wasn't a war going on. That much is sure. If all Western forces were pulled out, the war would stop. If it were the safety of Iraqis that we went in for, then the continued presence of troops is counter-productive.   

       There are of course wider ramifications which weigh against a mass evacuation. I don't believe that the well-being of Iraq is a priority particularly. It's all about the War on Terror, the clash of ideologies, the potential political fallout of a withdrawal. Those are the reasons that the war continues.   

       I happen to sit on the side of the West - I think that the jihadis are a Bad Thing and should be resisted. I can understand why we would not want to hand over Iraq to a lawless group of fanatics. My only gripe is with the spin that suggests this is all some big favour for the humble Iraqis, because it isn't, and it's not why we went in.   

       And thanks for not going for the throat, by the way. It's nice to be able to debate without rage colouring the conversation. May God grant you a safe posting and a happy homecoming.
david_scothern, Mar 24 2008

       //the minds that guide my hands have a better resume than you.//.   

       [MikeD] - I say this with the utmost respect for your profession, dedication and clear strength of character. "not necessarily". The people, at a high level, who are guiding your hands do not necesasarily have a good track record for displaying moral fibre or acting in goodwill. The las half-century or so is strewn with a litany of dirty little wars, occupations, assassinations, coups, double-crosses and cluster-fucks.   

       It is, however very much in your interests to beleive that your superiors are acting in the best interests of all concerned. How on earth can a soldier do his/her job if in doubt of their orders? Double guessing and debating these issues leads you down the slippery slope toward moral dilema. I must applaud your presence of mind to be able or willing to enter a debate such as this, given the realities of your situation.   

       I firmly beleive that almost everyone involved is acting in good faith, but "good faith" is definitely coloured by perspective. Everyone has an agenda, and to think that those at the top of your chain of command do not is, I think, a little naiive. The facts speak for themselves.   

       It's probably a bit cliche'd for me to say this, but   

       semper fi, my good man, semper fi.
Custardguts, Mar 25 2008

       [Dave] & [Custard] I appreciate your appreciation, I would not be hooked on this web-site if it was a shit-slinging contest between adolescents. I enjoy a well thought out debate and that is what I am getting. That being said, let's get on with it.   

       //they also have an agenda of their own //   

       There is no leadership you could ever hope for where this would not be the case. A more appropriate question, however: Is the agenda conducive to the propagation of a "good society"? Government, by design, is this very question, personified. But all failings of government, or humanity in whole, fall back to one thing: The failing of the individual. We all have seen enough to agree that the world, in general, is going to hell in a hand basket, but saying so isn't going to change a thing.   

       The problem I'm having with your argument [Dave] is that you are basing your proposition off of what you have seen in the news, and/or read in the paper, and/or heard from a friend of a friend who's brother is in Iraq.   

       //they also have an agenda of their own //
MikeD, Mar 25 2008

       I have to beleive this idea is somewhat tongue in cheek, a concept no one seems to have mentioned yet.   

       Sort of a dig at the common adolescent fantasy of "I'm bored. How awesome to be a soldier! I'd get a gun! I'd get out of this small town!", a fantasy the military actively reinforces with their advertisements.   

       The joke is, yes, all of those pesky "real world" issues you all mentioned.   

       Also, imagine if eventually both sides were entirely made up of war tourists? All shooting each other up all day long just to be a part of the 'real action'?   

       On the other hand, maybe it's a serious suggestion. In that case, I would have to say that my biggest objection is this: If the 'bad guys' are sufficiently pacified/underarmed that some untrained schmoe like you (or I) can calmly take their time and 'blast' them, it isn't combat- it's murder. And if there is any element of training, or following orders, or skill involved (and how could there not be) you will just get yourself and all your new friends killed.
GutPunchLullabies, Mar 25 2008

       Even though it's a sick idea I'm quite sure there would be a market for it...
hassabrass, Nov 04 2009


       There is a market for snuff films too.   

       //It doesn't mean you should just because you can. It doesn't mean you should just because you can. Like Abraham and Ishmael, fighting over sand. It doesn't mean you should just because you can.// - King Crimson
MikeD, Nov 06 2009


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