Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Fellowship of the Ring walking holiday

Over the hills and far away ....
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Few of the audience of the two Lord of the Rings films released so far can fail to be impressed by the rugged grandeur of the scenery in which the action is filmed (New Zealand).

No doubt this exposition of natural beauty will do much for the tourist trade in that area.

The proposal is that tourists should have the opportunity to experience, in as much detail as possible, the experiences of the Fellowship during their journey from the Shire to Argonath.

The party would be led by one or two professional outdoor types, perhaps cast as Gandalf and Aragorn or Legolas. Their primary qualification is that they should be obscenely fit double-hard bastards, capable of substantial feats of endurance.

Up to their arrival at "Moria", the party would be allowed to have a pack-pony to carry their kit. Clothing and kit would be of an appropriate style i.e. medaeval and made from natural materials, thus ensuring that whenever it rained the wearers would become suitably wet and miserable. The participants would also be expected to carry weapons.

At certain intervals, additional teams of double-hard bastards, dressed as Orcs, would amuse themselves and terrify the walkers by giving them a good chasing. Anyone caught by the Orcs would be in for a bit of a roughing up. In addition, from time to time the walkers might find themselves seeking cover from a black-painted "Nazgul" powered handglider. Wolves might also be on the menu of entertainments.

To add to the authenticity, the Ringbearer could be expected to take small but progressively increasing doses of medically-prescribed mood-altering drugs as the journey progresses.

Those sucessfully completing the journey would recieve a framed certificate recognising their feat of endurance.

8th of 7, Jan 20 2003

Like that ? http://www.smh.com..../1042911368678.html
in here ? [skinflaps, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

Bored of the Rings http://www.amazon.c...002-6873146-3961637
I strongly suspect that Guy Fox has already read this. [DrBob, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]


       And not forgetting the amphetamine laced Lembas
oneoffdave, Jan 20 2003

       Indeed. We shall add that to the list forthwith.   

       [TwoSheds], thanks for the link, but no, not like that at all. No coach parties, no hotels. Live out in the open, climb mountains, ford rivers. Make your own campfires. Catch and kill your own food.
8th of 7, Jan 20 2003

       Complete with ring wraiths which are hutning you and will try and kill you, or not?
talen, Jan 20 2003

       There would certainly be Ringwraiths, into whose clutches you would not wish to fall; however, in the interests of avoiding prosecution and also keeping insurance premiums at reasonable levels, the consequences of being caught would have to be merely unpleasant and/or degrading (unless it was in some remote spot with no witnesses and it could be made to look like an accident).   

       // And do you get to do a third of the tour three years running ? //   

       Up to you. We'd have to check in the book how long the journey should take. The party would need to reach the "Redhorn Gate" at a suitably snowy time of year which will limit the timeframes.
8th of 7, Jan 20 2003

       // NZ apparently being considered extremely safe //   

       Except for the Orcs, Nazgul, Cave Trolls, Wolves, nasty things with tentacles in lakes, Ents, Balrogs ......
8th of 7, Jan 20 2003

       Anyone likely to be roughed up by Orcs will probably want to be heavily armed. I see litigation looming up on this idea like Shelob in the dark.
DrBob, Jan 20 2003

       No you don't. It's essentially a roleplay-game holiday. Yes, you have swords; so do the Orcs. Participants would be expected to have some basic swordfighting and survival experience and be physically fit. Cuts and bruises are all part of the "fun". It is not anticipated that the Boromir character will make an abrupt exit from the group as a result of recieving two dozen arrows in the torso; in that way, the experience is not entirely faithful to the script.   

       Hmmmm, Shelob ..... how would that be managed ? We didn't anticipate the Fellowship getting much further than either Rohan or Minas Tirith in any event.
8th of 7, Jan 20 2003

       As a surprising opening to the expedition, my preciouss, She could be done right at the start of the adventure. Gollum! The participants are greeted at the airport by their graciousss host, my precioussss, and then guided out to 'Shelobs Lair' where they are robbed of all their clotheses, coinses, cardses and phoneses, and abandoned in the deep, dark cave. Cold and naked they'll be, my precioussss. Oh, yes! Their guides can then turn up (Bah!) and rescue them, thus giving an excuse for the entire journey.
DrBob, Jan 20 2003

       What, no explosives?
egbert, Jan 20 2003

       This could be syndiacted to many parts of the world, not just New Zealand (with acknowledged differences)... Scottish Highlands, English Lake District, Catskills of NE USA, Black Forest of Germany...?
Jinbish, Jan 20 2003

       [DrBob] MMMMMmmmmm, yessssssss !
8th of 7, Jan 20 2003

       This started out as a nice walking holiday and has since degraded into being mugged at the airport by someone with a speach impedement.... I love it!
rbl, Jan 20 2003

       That's only if you land at Newark.
8th of 7, Jan 20 2003

       links arm with ravenswood, pint at the nearest pub, dear?
po, Jan 20 2003

       //I like everything about it, except for the flight to New Zealand, the lack of coach parties and hotels, the live out in the open part, climb mountains, ford rivers, make your own campfires, catch and kill your own food, and the walking.//   

       I'd rather do that than read the feckin book again, I'll tell you. Fifty feckin pages of them climbing up a feckin mountain. FIFTY FECKIN PAGES! "Oh, Master Frodo, Oi'm scared. Hug me, Master Frodo." Feckin Sam feckin forelock-tugging feckin cap-doffing class traitor. <trails off into subvocal mutterings about preciouses and jacksies and shoving of one up tother>   

       Aaaaaanyway. Amusing idea. Croissant.
Guy Fox, Jan 20 2003

       [8th] //nasty things with tentacles in lakes//   

       It's called the watcher in the water!   

       Btw does the person acting as Frodo have his finger ripped off by a guide with a speech impediment at the end of the trip?
talen, Jan 21 2003

       [8th] - ever considered a career in the army? My (limited) experience of military excercises suggests that there would be more than enough fear, violence, wetness, outdoors, catching/ killing food, and recalcitrant fauna to keep you amused.
whimsickle, Jan 21 2003

       More than considered .... but were invited to discontinue our association after injuries sustained through the incautious use of explosives.   

       And yes, all of the above.
8th of 7, Jan 21 2003

       Or given the walking gear supplied to the hobitts in the film, may be that should be a certificate recognising their feet of endurance?

       In fact, may be all the people should get big hairy feet walking shoes as part of the package?
<unecessary commercial>
Ever wanted to walk like a hobbitt across mountain and vale, hill and dale, but blisters have stopped you at the first bubbling brook? You need "Feet of Endurance" - the walking gear of choice for the descerning middle earth dweller. No more blisters! No more sweaty socks! with "Feet of endurance" you too can skip across the fields with the carefree hairy-footed grace of our diminuitive walking brethren.
Please Note: Allergy to foot changing spells may result in adverse side effects. "Feet of Endurance" spell is accepted at owner's risk. No guarantee of foot shape reversal can be made.
<unnecessary commercial>
goff, Jan 21 2003

       What's the food like at Rivendell?
waugsqueke, Jan 21 2003

       I've asked my elf that question many times.
FarmerJohn, Jan 22 2003

       Getting to "Rivendell" would really just be an excuse to get totally pissed.
talen, Jan 22 2003

       Ohh FarmerJohn, did you really have to go and open that whole can of puns again?
Just don't make a hobitt of it, ok?
goff, Jan 23 2003

       There is a problem; the hobbits go from the north-of-central North Island to the beech forests deep in the South Island and back to the Central Plateau of the North Island and all over the place, without once having to cross Cook Strait. In other words, the areas they go through are not geographically contiguous in real life.
Phosphorus, Feb 22 2006

       // .. and also keeping insurance premiums at reasonable levels .. //   

       Fortunately, New Zealand has some reasonably sane insurance laws that make it impossible to sue for damages due to an accident. Insurance is quite cheap because of this.
danpat, Feb 22 2006


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