Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Cheek Bite Preventer

reduces painful inside-the-cheek bites
  (+22, -8)(+22, -8)
(+22, -8)
  [vote for,

Ever bite the inside of your cheek while you’re chewing? Sometimes I do that. Then the bite swells up, and, due to the size of the swelling, the spot gets more and more likely to be bitten again, and swell more, etc, etc.

This device prevents further swelling after the initial bite. When meals are to be taken, a clamp is attached to the outside of the cheek, held in place by adjustable arms that rest firmly on the head and shoulder of whichever side is afflicted. The loose skin of the cheek is manually pulled out and the clamp, vise-like, is screwed in to affix to the outer skin of the cheek. The cheek then stays safely pulled away from the gnashing threat of the teeth.

snarfyguy, Jan 16 2002


       Peter, you goofball, mouth guards are to keep you from grinding your teeth as you sleep. Though, this guy really does have a real fishbone idea
Salty Ham, Jan 16 2002

       Come on SaltPeter - you know you've both done this!
LeBain, Jan 16 2002

       Just what I was thinking, Rods --- maybe some sort of diver's helmet, kept at low pressure so that the cheeks balloon out, with a hatch in front to eat through? Arranging all the seals and gaskets would be tricky but ultimately worthwhile.   

       (PS, I'm not sure what weight has to do with this. I used to bite my cheeks even in my underfed & bony days.)
wiml, Jan 16 2002

       Inside Cheek Soreness
If the soreness is accompanied by a persistent white diffuse pigmentation it is refereed to as " lichen planus". Lichen planus can be caused by: stress, nuts, chocolate, acidic fruits, anti-tarter tooth pastes, tooth pastes that contain "sodium lauryl", and medications such as diuretics and tetracyclines. If the white lesion gives way to a red bleeding ulcer contact your dentist or physician immediately, about 2% of these can become malignant. Management often includes: avoidance of the causative factors, topical steroids, systemic steroids, topical steroid administered through a slow releasing custom mouth guard, and in some cases laser surgery.
thumbwax, Jan 16 2002

       Great Idea! Due to my overdistendible skin (see extraordnary talents) I have particularly stretchy cheeks, and as a result have a particular poroblem with biting them whilst chewing (I often do this so hard that I draw blood). Anything that would stop the agony would be greatly appreciated.
P.S. [Peter] I'm skinny as a rake
goff, Jan 16 2002

       I agree with Rods. What was Mother Nature thinking when she came up with this design flaw?   

       You know those little spring strips with sticky pads on the ends, that are used to keep nasal passages open and reduce snoring? Why not make a big, headphone-sized and -shaped one of these that wraps around the back of the neck and sticks onto the outside of the cheeks, to pull them out of harm's way?
beauxeault, Jan 16 2002

       What kind of invention is this?? Use that for a month or two and one cheek will be permanantly stretched out and will hang limp past your chin. Kind of like those africans who put plates in their lips.
Haywood J, Jan 16 2002

They are Surma, they who put plates in their lips - and ears. More and more young women of the Surma are forgoing the lip plates after having gone through the agony of the earplates. The lip plates are desirable to the men of Surma, as the bigger the lip is, the more desirable the woman is. The elders like the young women to have lip plates too. Why? Because they'll get more cattle in exchange for their daughter. The men can marry another woman with these gigantic desirable lip plates a year later. And a year after that. And a year after that. And a year after that. And the other wives are happy to see their husband get an extra wife. The men prove themselves by being good stick fighters and having lots of cattle.
thumbwax, Jan 16 2002

       [Haywood]: You don't need to use it for a month or two. If you bite your cheek, apply the clamp during meals for a day or so until the swelling goes down.   

       [PS]: I, also, am not overweight.
snarfyguy, Jan 16 2002

       Nice bit of background info, 'wax. Perhaps I'll become a lip-plate salesman. There seems to be an insatiable market for the things.

Cheek biting? Been there, occasionally. It's very annoying but, as I'm a bit of a fatty, I'll not say anymore, otherwise Sealy will be on my case. Croissant.
DrBob, Jan 16 2002

       A great vision, snarf, and one to be applauded. Indeed, t'is a scourge upon mankind. However, I must observe that this device does absolutely nothing to prevent others from biting one's cheeks, so the threat remains. I guess you just have to live with some things.
waugsqueke, Jan 17 2002

       [waugs]: The issue is with biting the *inside* of one's cheek. If you know of a way that someone else can do that, I'd be grateful if you'd keep it to your elf.
angel, Jan 17 2002

       Details, details.
waugsqueke, Jan 17 2002

       Lets just shape some kevlar to the inside of your mouth. Put some kind of adhesve on one side of the kevlar and presto! You have an inside-the-cheek biting gaurd.
barnzenen, Jan 17 2002

       Clamps? Ow! Why not try a quite small pair of sponge balls inside the mouth, one in each cheek.
Zifeer, Jan 17 2002

       Aren't there such things as wound-sealers? I've heard of such a thing used in emergency rooms--organic glue that seals a wound. If a substance like that can be used internally then it wound seem to be the best way to seal one of those inside-the-cheek wounds.
spaceman_spiff, Jan 19 2002

       Especially if it comes in yummy flavo(u)rs!
snarfyguy, Jan 20 2002

       surprised no-one has mentioned biting your tongue, now that is painful.
po, Jan 20 2002

       Well stop doing it then.
DrBob, Jan 20 2002

       Seems to me teeth are the problem here. How about filing down the sharp outer edges of one's molars instead ?
lubbit, Jan 20 2002

       Welcome! As the official Recruiter for the Chilean Navy, I would like to reassure you that cheek- and tongue-biting among inductees will be reduced by at least 33%, insofar as each of you, now toothless, can remove your teeth whilst you sleep or are otherwise off-duty. Should you still have a problem with painful gumming of your cheeks or tongue, please report to the Dispenary/Barber/Neurosurgeon for removal of your cheeks and/or tongue. Appropriate ship-board duties will be assigned to those of you who are thus altered (including Morale Officer and Assistants, being as how your countenance will be ever-smiling.)
entremanure, Jan 21 2002

       We should all replace our teeth with multicolored pieces of teeth-shaped Nerf. Our mouths would thank us for it.
sera, Jan 21 2002

       ...while the rest of the body curses you for starving it...
StarChaser, Jan 21 2002

       How do you prevent cheek or lip biting in the first place? What causes it? Nerves? Too much vitamin B? Bad teeth? Missing teeth?
Gf222, Dec 06 2002

       Howdy, I've got some suggestions and some answers.   

       I've been biting the inside of my cheeks forever. Sometimes I bite my lips too. I think it's an overactive and quite uncontrollable jaw. I have to be exceptionally careful when I'm really really hungry or am in burst mode whilst speaking. How's that for an image? ;-)   

       Cure Numero UNO: Sugar. Pure Sugar rubbed gently on the inner cheek wound. Takes away the pain and, I believe, will bring the swelling down some.   

       Cure Numero DOS: Hot Tea. Really big on bringing the swelling down (probably why I don't know if the sugar helps because I follow the sugar with the hot tea!)   

       Put your forefinger to your closed, pursed lips. Press tightly and attempt to blow slightly. Your mouth should puff outward. Imagine your cheeks in that position while you eat and you will chew on them less and less often. And no, you don't have to look like a blowfish gone mad at dinner. Just puff them slightly. Cheers!
ndata, Jan 20 2003

       Have you seen Theres Something About Mary???This reminds me about his little accident.Did that once.Screamed so high that only dogs could here me.I think zippers need to be reinvented.
jerry4703, Jan 20 2003

       And how. pray tell, did you contrive to get the inside of your cheek caught in your zipper?
egbert, Jan 20 2003

       But, still there is no cure. After biting just stuff your cheek/lip with toilet paper and wait for the bleeding to stop.   

iamtweety69, Aug 24 2004

       I have this theory that cheek biting is a behavior of a human nervous system symbiont, some kind of thing that is tangled into the human nervous system, feeds off part of our diet and influences the way we react to things to suit it's own needs. I have noticed that cheek biting and lip biting tends to happen at significant moments -- either when a certain food or taste is being introduced into the mouth or even when the emotional setting changes quickly. Maybe a symbiont that is tangled into the nervous systm can tell from the reaction of the overall organism that something that it needs is coming into the mouth and it reaches the lip or cheek out into the path of the closing teeth so that the skin is broken and the symbiont can access the needed food/chemical. I arrived at this theory by observing that cheek biting tends to happen when people are ravenous or otherwise overeager about filling some "need" that "they" have, and observing that sometimes people are able to stop the cheek bite before it fully happens and that the cheek or lip seems to be reaching out to get in the way of the teeth even though the teeth are stopped before they close. So maybe the "need" is some combination of a natural desire and the symbiont's oportunism. An oportunistic symbiont would learn to exagerate the organism's desires and reactions to eek out a living for itself.
JesusHChrist, Aug 25 2005

       <iamtweety69> Stuff your cheek with toilet paper?! Have you ever, really, ever tried that? And are you going to maintain that it stops the bleeding??
Susan, Aug 30 2005

       And then when you whack that apparatus against your car door on the way home, you will be bleeding on both the inside and outside of your cheek.
joshuacronemeyer, Aug 31 2005


       All I wasnted to do is tell the cheek biters they're all way off. Once you do it, you have a sore lump you keep biting. Solution? Simple.   

       Just partially chew an aspirin until it's a little pasty, Shove it over on top of the lump with your tongue, close your jaw and leave it there. It's got to be pasty enough to be soluble with saliva. It will stay there until you remove it, and the bite bump will be smooth and not hurt.   

       Why didn't YOU think of this?   

       Leave it there for about 10-20 min., or longer if you want to. The pain will completely disappear and the lump will flatten right out.   

       No need for external cheek pullers, ebony African cheek disk inserts (they look like coasters for drinks) or foam or cotton cheek stuffing. Don't use toilet paper and if you MUST use paper towels, make sure it's Bounty®.   

       If you're trying to eat German Chocololate with almonds, just melt it, make hot chocolate and stuff marshmallows in your cheeks, they last longer than Cool Whip®.   

       Another option is to go on a strict diet of liverwurst sandwiches with Miracle Whip® and squishy Wonder Bread® "Helps build bodies more ways than you can shake a stick at."   

       Unless you're careful, it's not a good idea to try to eat pussy or suck wieners when having bouts of cheek biting. I kept biting the inside of my girlfriend's outer labia and it gave here an interlabial canker sore.   

       Sometimes after a cheek-biting episode, she'll just gnaw the side of my wiener to minit-steak tenderness with her back teeth, extra-rare.   

       Oh, man...I just hate it when 'at happens!   

       Rob, Ithaca NY
aspenwolf, Sep 28 2006

       Hey, you live in Ithaca. Let's not get together.
GutPunchLullabies, Sep 28 2006

       I have a friend who once bit his tongue so severely he needed stitches in it. His son asked "Dad, when you first felt the bite, why did you keep going?" I have the cheek problem too. It started when I was quite thin. I have not noticed a change in frequency of the accident now that I am not so very. And to the nurse in my dentist's office- no, I do not have a bad habit. I have a recurring problem. Any invention to help gets a (+) from me.
Rm Brz, Sep 28 2006

       perhaps the product can be designed more like a Breathe Right Strip...a thin piece of metal that forms a U shape from the back of your neck and ends on each cheek. At the terminals are adhesive pads that stick to the cheek skin. Outward tension on the metal strip pull the cheeks.
Archbishop Furball, Apr 19 2007

       Sorry [Archbishop], you're 5 years late. Read the 6th annotation.
5th Earth, Apr 19 2007


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