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Douglas Adams Exercise Incentivizer

because "I could be the next Douglas Adams" isn't funny any more.
  (+9, -2)
(+9, -2)
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Geeks need to exercise more, or we'll all be dead by Tuesday.

Geeks will not exercise.

Geeks who do try to exercise are confused by heartrate monitors. What is a good value for blood pressure anyway ? I checked in the Haynes manual, and 400psi is perfectly OK for my Citroen, so it ought to be good for me too ?

Geeks will listen to very few people. Douglas Adams is one of the very few acceptable to almost all geeks.

So, I present the Douglas Adams Memorial Exercise Incentivizer. A small plastic book-like device, with all manner of sophisticated body-probing and fitness metrological technology inside and a simple display on the cover. It reads, in large friendly letters, either "Don't Panic" or "Panic Now", according to your urgent fitness requirements.

A simpler version may be produced for the Ayn Rand readers. It says simply "Exercise Harder !" at all times. By avoiding the need for complex internals, it's thus cheaper to make and more efficient. With luck, we might even see a few of its users spontaneously combust.

dingbat, Oct 24 2002

Douglas Adams Memorial http://www.halfbake...s_20Adams_20Memoria
More memorial musing muted here [Aristotle, Oct 24 2002, last modified Oct 17 2004]


       "sophisticated body-probing" Ooh! Can I do that bit, please? [blissmiss, you're up first!]
DrCurry, Oct 24 2002

       The L. Ron Hubbard version: "Exercise now, or I'll electrocute you with this tomato!".
hippo, Oct 24 2002

       Welcome dingbat, aside from the WIBNI aspects of the idea I like it a lot. A fitting tribute to Doug (who I managed to piss off when he came to Australia a few years ago).
madradish, Oct 24 2002

       You are aware I presume, Douglas Adams died on a treadmill? The incentive therefore being, 'Programmer, chill thyself'?
General Washington, Oct 24 2002

       I would prefer a copy of the "Procrastinators Guide to the Galaxy" which has on the front "Don't Exercise" ;-).
CrumbsDM, Oct 24 2002

       Exercise now, before it starts reciting poetry...
lurch, Oct 24 2002

       The "Eccentrica Gallumbits Aerobics Workout Video" would probably be a good seller, mind ......
8th of 7, Oct 24 2002

       The Stephen King version: "Run! There's something behind you!"
hinkle, Oct 24 2002

       Don't forget to bring a towel. To clean off the sweaty exercise equipment, of course.
Mr Burns, Oct 24 2002

       Perhaps madradish could provide some select phrases uttered by Douglas Adams when pissed off. These could be used to make the "Douglas Adams Exercise Invectivizer", which screams things like "You fat bloated TOAD!" or "you jiggling, pudgy, pudding-assed TURD!" at deconditioned nerds.
bungston, Oct 24 2002

       ooh.. i got it,   

       at what age do couch potatoes realize they need more exercize?......42!   

       "sweat and enjoy"!   

       or a robot could be "your personal trainer, who's fun to be with"   

       Hey arthur! don't just lie there in front of the yellow buldozers....do some sit-ups while you're down there!   

       "mostly strenuous"   

       at least the gulga-frinchens jogged.
-wess, Oct 24 2002

       the ed mcmahon version, "you may already be exercising".
-wess, Oct 24 2002

       Well, to be honest he didn't really utter any memorable phrases. He just kinda glared. I think he was tired. I didn't know that he died on a treadmill, that's quite weird.
madradish, Oct 25 2002


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