Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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'Snatch the Palm out of my palm.'
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(+29, -1)
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This idea was inspired by one of my annotations to cellph defense. In the ever-advancing wired world, the problem of how to defend oneself becomes more complicated. The martial arts teach self-defense both with and without all sorts of ancient and oftentimes illegal weaponry. Trouble is, when you really need to defend yourself, are you usually sporting a robe, a cloth belt, some throwing stars, and a set of nunchuku?

Probably not.

Chances are, you'll be walking around with a cell-phone, laptop, PDA, Wii, body-computer, etc. Therefore I propose a new variant of martial art that teaches defensive strategies using your electronic gizmos as offensive and defensive weapons, as well as pressure points and throwing techniques.

Boom-a-rang your flip-phone to knock the gun out of his hand!
Mash that PDA into your attacker's neck!
Utilize the mass and thin profile of your laptop to avoid his defenses and bash 'im where the sun doesn't shine!

The mental component of E-jutsu would pursue maintaining inner harmony inside our web-enabled and over-informed world.

RayfordSteele, Apr 15 2002


       Ha! You have not the Tao of Intel, unworthy one! Suffer the fate of Packard Bell! (Croissie d'guerre)
Dog Ed, Apr 15 2002

       I might actually find a use for that palm pilot... :)   

       E-Jitsu... I like it... Sounds trendy and hip... new age sorts of stuff...
oxygon, Apr 15 2002

       Don't forget about one of the other schools of technological self-defense: Kung-Fujitsu.
phoenix, Apr 15 2002

       An umbrella...imagine the moves you could pull off with one of those babies.
stupop, Apr 15 2002

waugsqueke, Apr 15 2002

       Crouching IBM, Hidden Macintosh.
Pseudonym #3, Apr 15 2002

       I've recently been trying Aikeyboardo
sappho, Apr 15 2002

       Channel your Chi throught 801.11b network.
bing, Apr 15 2002

       You must learn to harness the speed of the DSL line young grasshopper.
kaz, Apr 15 2002

       thanks for the tip kaz.
grasshopper, Apr 15 2002

       It is said that an E-jitsu priest can walk through firewalls.
half, Apr 15 2002

       Dang, I like phoenix's title better than my own.   

       Tae Kwon Moto. KaratE.   

       Note: jitsu vs. jutsu. Ju-jitsu minimizes weaponry, whereas ninjutsu is what ninjas study.
RayfordSteele, Apr 16 2002

       Tai Ch'E.
Watch out next for the E-Ganster Rappers, like Ipaq Shak'oor...
goff, Apr 16 2002

       Tae-kwin-dows ?
half, Apr 18 2002


       (Sorry, I'm not much of a punster, but that one seemed so obvious)
absterge, Nov 08 2002

ton80, Nov 08 2002

       Neat idea.   

       Thinking about it, I just figured out that if I insert the stylus for my Sony Clié NX60 backwards into the holder, the pointy end sticks out about four inches. Firmly grasping the body of the device, I could use it to stab somebody. Pulling the device away, the stylus would pull free of the PDA, and remain embedded about four inches deep in my adversary's abdomen, neck, or eye.   

       Croissant, for giving me a good reason why they always sell PDA styli in packs of three...
Guncrazy, Mar 20 2004

       ROTFL What a bunch of nonsense. This is definitely worth a bun.
PauloSargaco, Mar 20 2004

       Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, this is great! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
smugcomputerguy, Mar 21 2004

       I'm a martial arts instructor (Kempo-Ryu, Wales). My instructor has devised many sinister applications for mobile phones (especially with protruding aerials), pens, keys, and so on. That is not to say your idea has already been baked, as it is a specific system in itself, wheras these techniques have been integrated into our system. (+)
Cunninglinguist, Aug 01 2004

       Currently, the city of Edinburgh is shitting its collective tweed breeks, in advance of Sir Bob of Geldof's million man march on the capital, for the G8 protest/right-on musical-backslapping event planned for around 6th July. Small businesses are going to close and staff at large companies and firms are being advised either not to come in, or come in dressed down, so as not to mistaken for the black-hearted, tiny-african-baby-murdering capitalist scum they truly are. There is a very real fear that grubby dole bludging communists will attempt to storm the sandstone bastilles of unbridled commerce.   

       Consequently, what is needed is a rigorous office block seige training programme, teaching besuited desk jockeys how to best use photocopiers, stationery, desks, chairs and all the mysterious chemicals of the office, to fight off the assaults. Obviosuly, this would have to involve training in the rudiments of E-Jutsu, but with an expanded repetoire of moves, to also include Cunninglinguist's Kempo-Ryu adaptations, along with some new heavy-appliance tactics.
calum, Jun 10 2005

       "You have much to learn brass-wifi-chopper."   

       "To be a true 'grammer, you must realize the one and zero of life, is merely a representation of nothingness."   

       "You must drive hard in order to reach true defragmentation of your adversary."   

       "A coder's greatest knowledge is in his net work."   

       "Hiya...errr ahh, Ja'vah!"   

       "You have come far my young apprentice, C++"   

       "Apple of my eye, Rom of my WiFi, you make my hard drive."   

       "You were the chosen one, you were suppose to bring unity to the Force, not turn against"...err ahh, sorry, bad flashback...
McGyver, Jun 10 2005

       As you spend years conditioning your reflexes with your mobile-phone-weapon, it becomes obsolete.   

       "My, what a big, old, obsolete phone you're carrying? "   

       "The better to thump you with!" <WHUMP!>   

       "Ouch! I thought you said 'thump'?!"   

       <THUMP!> <THUMP!> <THUMP!>
sophocles, Jun 13 2005

       <snort!> BUN
elhigh, Jun 13 2005


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