Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Effigy Ovens

Protest till you're tired. Then have lunch.
  (+7, -1)
(+7, -1)
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What the hell. I'll post my take on the political protest mania that's going around.

Protesting is hard work. Carrying placards, marching, and shouting slogans all day is tiring. And if you have to throw rocks at police, dodge tear gas and rubber bullets, or carry furniture and electronics back to home, it can get downright exhausting.

Enter, then, The Man. The Man is a wire framed, aluminum skinned (well-vented) effigy, with conveniently placed internal bins for charcoal and hickory chips, and a torso that opens for easy insertion of grilling or rotisserie attachments.

One problem with traditional effigies is that they tend to burn rather quickly, and once the flames reach the head, its features (which are usually crude and only marginally recognizable, anyway) are obliterated. Anyone arriving late to the protest misses out on the symbolism, as they can no longer say for sure who the flaming effigy was representing.

It is ironic that The Man, while responsible for nearly every problem from regional currency devaluations to high cholesterol, solves this problem. The molded aluminum head maintains a recognizable face, even while engulfed in flames or covered in soot.

The head has an additional feature that makes for tasty meals. The Man's head contains an insulated hollow which can be filled with a marinade of your choice. As The Man burns, the slowly increasing temperatures inside the head cause the marinade to drip through a valve in the bottom, keeping your steak, chicken or whatnot moist as it cooks.

Heads will be interchangeable, and will come in a variety of representations such as George W. Bush, Kenneth Lay and the Olympic figure skating judge from France (who is a woman, but nevertheless, The Man). New heads will be developed as contemporary issues arise, and one can even subscribe to a "head of the month club" for regularly scheduled "social protest socials".

The Man is the perfect effigy for the protester who plans ahead. Simply load The Man with your meat and marinade, fill with charcoal and hickory chips, douse with lighter fluid and ignite. You can then string up the man from any streetlight, using steel cable (sold separately). As the aroma of grilling steaks wafts through the streets, people will be drawn to your protest and, enchanted by the delicious air around them, will be more suggestible as you deliver your tirade against The Man. Speech delivered, the crowd should be in a frenzy, screaming "Down with The Man! Down with The Man!", at which point you lower The Man from his gallows, kick open his belly, and distribute the organic, humanely harvested meaty morsels which you can all down with beer looted from a nearby convenience store.

Guncrazy, Feb 15 2002


       Nicely done, Gunc.
waugsqueke, Feb 15 2002

       Thanksgiving just got a bit more interesting...
RayfordSteele, Feb 15 2002

       I just found this hilarious idea. I can't believe more people didn't read and annotate it. Perhaps everyone missed it somehow. I thought it was great so I'll bump it up for a second chance.
tchaikovsky, Jun 20 2004

Third times the charm?


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