Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Tastes richer, less filling.

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Firewood thwacker

Automatically remove vermin from firewood
  [vote for,

Nowadays I've found it's a good idea to wear leather gloves, pick up firewood, then smack it back down, pick it up again and *then* take it into the house. This is necessary to dislodge unwanted hitchhikers that include wolf spiders, black widow spiders, termites, etc. Although it's tempting to douse the wood with bugspray I'm told this is a Very Bad Idea.

Instead let's "automate" this process by locating the wood on a platform that could be made to jiggle the pile, thus mechanically shocking the unwanted critters away. Firewood is *heavy* so a gearmotor driven cam that lifts one end of the platform the pile's sitting on would be ideal. Round and round goes the cam; easy up, thwacking down. a dozen cycles or so should do the trick; easy peasy. No more spider bites!

Aug 25, '07 Addendum: I've ordered the steel; will build one soon! March 09, '09: Made it into a teeter-totter; no motor required. Have been using it for over a year; it works!!

Steamboat, Feb 03 2006

Shooting Bananas http://www.555desig...llpaper/wall017.jpg
From 555 Design [roleohibachi, Feb 04 2006]


       On next week's show: Thag finds a burnt, still warm piece of mammoth meat dropped near the cave fire the previous evening...and it tastes good! Thag becomes the celebrity chef of all the clans of western Europe.
ConsulFlaminicus, Feb 03 2006

       they gas bananas don't they?
po, Feb 03 2006

       [po] You mean they're not already dead?
Do they stun them first?
coprocephalous, Feb 03 2006

       no, its all very cruel.
po, Feb 03 2006

       Isn't it shoot bananas, gas horses?
ConsulFlaminicus, Feb 03 2006

       shooting bananas is very messy indeed.
po, Feb 03 2006

       Yes,it's very hard finding the trigger.
DesertFox, Feb 03 2006

       Not very appealing.
normzone, Feb 03 2006

       How's that?
ConsulFlaminicus, Feb 04 2006

roleohibachi, Feb 04 2006

       Bow down to the brilliant individual that can construct the woodpile that remains standing despite this.   

       No, I don't mean me.
elhigh, Feb 05 2006

       [elhigh] Oh, you just nail the firewood together.
Galbinus_Caeli, Feb 06 2006

       I dunno. Last time I had to worry about bringing firewood inside for the fire, it was kinda satisfying to see the bugs burning up along with the wood.
DrCurry, Feb 06 2006

       Designing the way to keep the firewood on the shaker would probably be difficult on its own. The gear-operated shaker mechanism should be far easier.
shapu, Feb 06 2006

       Y'uns don't have a oil drum outdoors for a test burn of your faggots?
reensure, Feb 06 2006

       Hehe, I forget faggot means something ENTIRELY different in the UK :o).   

       Why not just spray it down with a non-toxic insect repellent? That way it will burn easier, and you won't have to risk breathing in toxic fumes.   

       Re: non toxic insect repellant: been there, done that. Don't EVER use that stuff on wasps; all it does is piss them off. I got nailed the day after I used the "green" stuff; got maybe 20 stings before I could get away. Never again!
Steamboat, Feb 13 2006

       Steamboat, insect repellant is for pissing off insects, not for killing them. Never spray insect repellant of any kind at a wasp nest. Use poison for that.
ye_river_xiv, Mar 01 2009

       Re: wasps. Go see your local friendly linesman (electrical line repairman) - they will have some real funky gear called "wasp-kill" or similar. Linesmen get to see the worst from wasps, on a daily basis, and have armed themselves accordingly. Comes in a jumbo can size with a funny nozzle. Evidently it's pretty gooey stuff, 'cause the stream will hold together for a good 10m (~33 feet to you backwards folk). Instant death to all winged critters, and by that I mean they don't get to leave the nest, just down. Anyone from australia can attest to the aggressive nature of paper wasps - imagine running into softball sized nests, several times each day.   

       I imagine it's basically scortched earth policy ecology wise, I can't imagine stuff that potent isn't a nightmare for the ecosystem, but gawd damn does it sort the little buggers out.
Custardguts, Mar 01 2009

       The wasp freeze stuff kills them relatively instantly. Many of them don't even have time to drop off the nest. Nasty-great stuff. As far as the thwacker, it might just piss them off so they are nice and bitey.
saprolite, Mar 02 2009

       I've never spotted wasps in my woodpile. We'll set the "on" switch 5 meters away and inside the garage just in case though.
ye_river_xiv, Feb 08 2010

       At the risk of being pragmatic and realistic for a moment, can I humbly suggest that you could solve the problems of wolf spiders, black widow spiders, termites, etc. by simply storing your firewood in England? I can attest to the efficacy of this simple solution.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 08 2010

       //...storing your firewood in England?//   

       Yes, [MB], but England is rife with it's own little nasties. Exempli gratia; The English.
MikeD, Feb 08 2010

       realistically (ha) what about a sonic bomb of some sort: while "I am a thirty second bomb" probably won't work, there may be frequencies which insects don't like. Toss the contraption onto/into the pile the day before and hopefully by the time you come 'round to pick up some firewood they're all gone.
FlyingToaster, Feb 09 2010

       //...storing your firewood in England?//   

       Store it in Wales, then. There's nothing else there.
8th of 7, Jun 30 2010


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