Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Ice Box Explorer

What’s in there?
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Stuff gets entombed in the freezer to emerge months or years later like a dismembered body part of a contract killing at the base of a retreating glacier. We did have roast lamb today, it was from Wales, it said so on the packet. I’m fairly sure the pork joint is derived from a pig that made the ultimate sacrifice.

What we need is a micro tunnelling robot, with rechargeable batteries and WiFi of course, to make its way through ice to work out what is actually in the freezer. I imagine some sort of drill like the mole from Thunderbirds (link) but maybe with some localised heating when needed. Obviously, it will need some sort of AI to be able to recognise frozen peas, decode such hieroglyphics as “Spag Bol Jun 20 v. nice” as well as take core samples of the more esoteric items for chemical analysis. If it finds human body parts, it alerts the authorities. Of course, it will need to run cool in general, frankly, a challenge for consumer electronics these days; this is likely to be the hardest part.

It can’t be that hard however, there are plans to send a mission to Enceladus (link), a Saturnian moon with an icy crust. If they get there, they’ll have to tunnel through much colder ice and there’s no possibility of getting a recharge. If they want to practice in our freezer, I’m all for it.

DenholmRicshaw, Aug 21 2022

Mole https://thunderbird...m.com/wiki/The_Mole
Thunderbirds [DenholmRicshaw, Aug 21 2022]

Enceladus Explorer https://en.wikipedi.../Enceladus_Explorer
[DenholmRicshaw, Aug 21 2022]

[link]






       Approved. The Mole was my favourite Thunderbird vehicle.
xenzag, Aug 21 2022
  

       What's a practical/handy item idea doing in the HB?!   

       I'll bun it of course, because it appears that the 'real' world has become so bizarre and dystopian that the 'unreal' HB has become a source of actual solutions, in much the same way that the only source of factual world news is late-night satirical comedy shows.
Sgt Teacup, Aug 22 2022
  

       I think that trying to automate it is a recipe for disaster. I think this is the kind of job where you need trained specialists hands on on-site.   

       So I imagine you call the Ice Crew and they arrive in a convoy of snowmobiles, dressed in arctic gear with ropes and ice axes and stuff, they shout at each other and charge into your utility room or wherever the freezer is kept, and then they quickly and co-ordinatedly excavate, organise the contents into neat labelled piles, compile a searchable catalogue, clean, re-stack and then leave in a hurry to their next call-out location.
pocmloc, Aug 22 2022
  

       HA
Voice, Aug 22 2022
  

       //compile a searchable catalogue, clean, re-stack and then leave//   

       yes - that's the spirit!   

       they'll have knackered the roof tiles and broken the doors - a small price to pay for you and for yours.
DenholmRicshaw, Aug 22 2022
  

       "I killed that giant Enceladus; drove my spear right through his shield ... or did I dream that?"   

       - Silenus, in Euripides' "Cyclops"
pertinax, Aug 22 2022
  

       + Yes I desperately need this.
xandram, Aug 22 2022
  
      
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