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It's Not Lanolin; It's Humanolin!

The lanolin made by you.
  (+6, -5)
(+6, -5)
  [vote for,

Summary - Human sebum is the best moisturizer for human skin. Yet people wash it away as if it had no value. Then they replace it with sheep-grease. Our sebum reclamation system brings back your old sebum in a fresh, clean, pure form, to keep your skin healthier than ever. Why pay high prices for fancy moisturizers, when the world's best emollient is going down the drain every time you wash?

Background - Americans love to bathe, with frequent showers and disinfectant soaps. Then once we've stripped our skin of its natural protective oil coating, and three layers of dead skin, we dry up like reptiles, and cry out for moisturizer. Ouch! Some people wash their hands constantly, leaving their hands chapped.

Problem - Most people replenish their skin oils with sheep-sebum (also called lanolin; we'll call it sheep-grease), but the composition of sheep-grease is different from that of human sebum. In addition, sheep-grease can contain environmental impurities and chemicals used in the care of sheep, such as insecticides. Also, some people are allergic to sheep-grease.

Solution - Reuse your own skin oil, after you wash it away. Our skin oil reclamation system allows you to moisturize the natural way - with your own skin oils, which are custom made for you, by you, right in your own oil glands. Why put chemicals on your skin? Say goodbye to artificial dyes, fragrances, and preservatives. Your skin will look and feel more silky smooth and supple than ever before. Scrub all you want, confident that your real skin oils can be replenished. Human-lanolin (or humanolin) is truly the Holy Grail of skin care.

How the Sebum Reclamation System Works - The system collects your wash and rinse water, and extracts from the water the fraction that once was sebum. Then it filters, purifies, clarifies, emulsifies, disinfects, fumigates, deoderizes, sterilizes, pasturizes, and homogenizes the sebum, to ensure you the highest quality home-grown sebum product possible. Your pure essence of sebum is then deposited in a lovely vial or carafe. Legend has it that Cleopatra herself owed her beauty to a similar process, performed by a team of slaves who were sworn to secrecy.

Collection details - At the press of a button in your sink or shower, your waste water is diverted away from the sewer line and into a special tank that feeds into the sebum reclamation system. Whenever you wash your face, press the button to let the rinse water to go into the reclamation system. Using the button, you have complete control over which rinse water is recycled.

Extraction details - The skin oil distiller uses centrifuges, spectrography, and other techniques from medicine and industry to separate out the parts of the waste water that were once your precious skin oil. The skin oil recognition system works best when you wash with our special cleanser, which is formulated to be easily distinguishable from human skin oil. The precious oils are rendered with the highest degree of purity, to give you a crystal clear essence much purer then anything you can buy in a store.

Using Your Precious Oils - Remember that these oils are pure and natural, and free of preservatives. Use what you produce within a few days, or store it in our optional mini-fridge. (or put it in your own fridge right next to your husband's fishing worms). The carafe should be cleaned with hot sudsy water once a week.
The pure oil can be applied straight, with a spray bottle, on damp skin, or whipped into a creme with water, emulsifiers, etc.
If you like the feel of a rich moisturizer, you can compound your own lanolin-free moisturizer at home, using our "Moisturizer Mix." Just add your own oil, and a beaten egg white.
Over time, the system pays for itself, in the money you save on expensive moisturizers. If you find that you are producing more oil than you can use, pour the excess into fancy jars and give it to friends for Christmas. They'll swear it's from Keil's or an expensive French skin-care line, until you tell them you made it yourself. Teenagers can supply the whole rest of the family with genetically compatible skin oil.

When you first start using the system, you may still have some sheep-grease on your skin left over from previous use of store-bought moisturizers. The sheep-grease you wash off may be recycled by the reclamation system, and end up back in the carafe, mixed with your own skin oils. Fortunately, the more you use the system, the smaller the fraction of sheep-grease will be.

This idea was inspired by an idea by [reensure].

robinism, Feb 17 2005

Lanolin http://www.lanolin.co.nz/article001p1.htm
The table shows that lanolin is similar to human sebum, but not the same [robinism, Feb 17 2005]

Amazing Nose Oil Resources Amazing_20Nose_20Oil_20Resources
by Dog Ed. [calum, Feb 17 2005]

Superceptor http://www.big-dipp...oducts/superceptor/
"A little grease is okay, but not in your pipes." [reensure, Feb 18 2005]


       Urgh. Yes, it might be a good idea, but just... urgh. [neutral]
david_scothern, Feb 17 2005

       Ok, I used the word "Purify" a few more times. Is that better?
robinism, Feb 17 2005

       No. I'm not boning this, because I can see the advantages. It's just a bit too utilitarian for me. Kinda similar to taking a dump in the vegetable patch.
david_scothern, Feb 17 2005

       More like having a really good composting system...
robinism, Feb 17 2005

       A nice idea although I fear that skin oils would break down pretty quickly and you might end up smelling a bit rancid.
hippo, Feb 17 2005

       Ok, I added info about freshness and preservatives.
robinism, Feb 17 2005

       I think it might keep longer than you might expect. Sebum seems to be the only known biological substance that contains trans fatty acids, which act as a preservative in food. I'm very keen on this idea.
As a side issue, it always amazes me how lanolin is regularly put into skin creams for eczema when so many people are allergic to it, particularly people with eczema.
nineteenthly, Feb 17 2005

       and all along I though sebum was that little pink flower succulent that grows in rock gardens. :)
dentworth, Feb 17 2005

       I save the sild oil from sardine cans to rub all over before going to work.
ConsulFlaminicus, Feb 17 2005

       Goose grease is also sudorific, and quite natty.   

       With a fancy neo-european name like Olein Populi "OP", it could even smell bad and still make a sizeable market.
reensure, Feb 18 2005

       I've lived here in the US for a while and haven't noticed this face scrubbing proclivity or that the populace is comprised of just surgeons, surgeons with OCD and those who suffer from OCD.   

       I must look more closely.
bristolz, Feb 18 2005

       This reminds me of Fight Club - where they break into medical waste dumps to steal the 'leftovers' from liposuction operations and use it to make fantastic soap.
Flux, Feb 18 2005

       Is lanolin the stuff that smells like wet sheep? Euugh.
AbsintheWithoutLeave, Feb 18 2005

       Nice idea. Let me know when you've worked out the cost-to-market of manufacturing your miniaturised robotic oil reclamation plant that //purifies, clarifies, filters, pasturizes, emulsifies, and homogenizes the sebum// That's the nice thing about here: cost is never an issue. [+]
wagster, Feb 18 2005

       [bristolz], You are probably correct about the face washing. I have read that Americans have more smell-o-phobia than Europeans, but not that Americans scrub their faces more. So I amended that part.
robinism, Feb 20 2005


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