h a l f b a k e r y
My hatstand runneth over
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It's alleged that cats give their humans dead mice out of
concern that they might not know how to catch and eat
food. I can see an argument for this view, since I
imagine they do the same with kittens, but I'm also
rather doubtful because humans are extremely large
pieces of meat and if we
did starve to death, we'd
provide a meal for the cat for a very long time indeed
until decay rendered us inedible. I also doubt cats are
making that kind of catculation in their heads. Even so,
this gave me an idea.
Rat meat can be and is made into sausages, and clearly
humans can eat rodents. I, however, choose not to eat
rodents. But would I continue to make that decision if
the rodent in question was anencephalic and grown in a
vat? Or otherwise made from plant- and fungus-based
ingredients and formed into a murine facsimile? I think
perhaps I would, but maybe not.
This, then, is my plan. Manufacture two lines of
product. One is made from real mouse cell culture and
formed into lifelike, or deathlike, mouse corpses
containing crunchy bones, fur, eyes, tails, feet and all
the rest. The other is made of Quorn, gluten or
something, and likewise made into a convincing
muriform shape, including skeleton, water-soluble fur (I
do not wish to eat the furry - maybe some nice mould?),
blood, eyes and the rest. Sell them in two frozen
packets, one for felines, one for hominins, and chow
down with the cat on a plateful of dead rodents.
Don't get the bags mixed up.
Real rat on a stick
Not just for Discworld Dwarves ... [kdf, Jul 06 2020]
Canine lives matter.
[2 fries shy of a happy meal, Jul 06 2020]
Potential solution for quantity issues. [tatterdemalion, Jul 07 2020]
||I've trapped and eaten squirrel and assume rat is
not much different. A lot of work for so little
meat. I wouldn't bother except in a survival
||But for those who really like meat (any species),
buying it is easier. If you can lab
culture it cheaper and cleaner than wild or farmed
meat, it's worth a bun. Even though rat is
best served on a stick, not a bun.
||I agree that rodent meat is an underexploited
resource given the premise that people eat meat in
the first place. Even more so is the oddity that
Europeans tend not to eat insects on purpose - I
presume we all eat them accidentally. But this is
more about a probably futile attempt to bond with or
reassure a cat, which is why the effort seems
worthwhile to me.
||I've eaten rabbit but not true rodents. I also have a
rant all prepared about the ridiculous way lagomorphs
are divided off from rodents taxonomically.
||Right, I think cats may lose the connection between
your food and theirs if you skin and cook it.
||Well this all just seems rather species-ist to me. I mean what about wolves? [link]
||I just want to heave now, after reading,
||"One is made from real mouse cell culture and formed
into lifelike, or deathlike, mouse corpses containing
crunchy bones, fur, eyes, tails, feet and all the rest."
||And I have a strong stomach.
||Cats like crunchy things, [blissmiss], and that includes
crisps/chips and the like. We also like crunchy things.
These are crunchy mice.
||The right kind of batter might form a crispy shell after deep
frying which, if adhesive enough, might be a way to solve
the fur problem. Dip, fry and then split open to reveal a
hair-free soft mouse centre, kind of like an oyster.
||No, on second thoughts, I'm not sure I'm ready for that
|| These are crunchy mice.
||Ooh, can we have chocolate coated crunchy frogs
||I think your idea was weaved into my dreams last
night, and it wasn't pretty. But I get the crunchy. Give
em a potato chip.
||// chocolate coated crunchy frogs for dessert? //
||Is there lark's vomit with that ?
||Does the selection also include Spring Surprise ?
||Yes, of course ... The Whizzo Chocolate Company proudly
Krunchies, including a special version of our Spring Surprise
for your favorite puss: A chocolate mouse wrapped around
two stainless steel bolts that spring out and plunge straight
through both of the cat's cheeks...
||And so we've connected this now with both Pratchett and
Monty Python, and it was only a small stretch from there to
satisfy 8th's most basic instinct. Are we done?
||Oh wait, we forgot a nod to Frankie and Benjy from