Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Mice for Humans and Cats

Give humans and cats fake mice to eat
  [vote for,

It's alleged that cats give their humans dead mice out of concern that they might not know how to catch and eat food. I can see an argument for this view, since I imagine they do the same with kittens, but I'm also rather doubtful because humans are extremely large pieces of meat and if we did starve to death, we'd provide a meal for the cat for a very long time indeed until decay rendered us inedible. I also doubt cats are making that kind of catculation in their heads. Even so, this gave me an idea.

Rat meat can be and is made into sausages, and clearly humans can eat rodents. I, however, choose not to eat rodents. But would I continue to make that decision if the rodent in question was anencephalic and grown in a vat? Or otherwise made from plant- and fungus-based ingredients and formed into a murine facsimile? I think perhaps I would, but maybe not.

This, then, is my plan. Manufacture two lines of product. One is made from real mouse cell culture and formed into lifelike, or deathlike, mouse corpses containing crunchy bones, fur, eyes, tails, feet and all the rest. The other is made of Quorn, gluten or something, and likewise made into a convincing muriform shape, including skeleton, water-soluble fur (I do not wish to eat the furry - maybe some nice mould?), blood, eyes and the rest. Sell them in two frozen packets, one for felines, one for hominins, and chow down with the cat on a plateful of dead rodents.

Don't get the bags mixed up.

nineteenthly, Jul 06 2020

Canine lives matter. https://en.wikipedi...ver_Cry_Wolf_(film)
[2 fries shy of a happy meal, Jul 06 2020]

Sustainable_20meat_...ic_20transformation Potential solution for quantity issues. [tatterdemalion, Jul 07 2020]


       I agree that rodent meat is an underexploited resource given the premise that people eat meat in the first place. Even more so is the oddity that Europeans tend not to eat insects on purpose - I presume we all eat them accidentally. But this is more about a probably futile attempt to bond with or reassure a cat, which is why the effort seems worthwhile to me.   

       I've eaten rabbit but not true rodents. I also have a rant all prepared about the ridiculous way lagomorphs are divided off from rodents taxonomically.
nineteenthly, Jul 06 2020

       Right, I think cats may lose the connection between your food and theirs if you skin and cook it.
nineteenthly, Jul 06 2020

       Well this all just seems rather species-ist to me. I mean what about wolves? [link]   

       I just want to heave now, after reading,   

       "One is made from real mouse cell culture and formed into lifelike, or deathlike, mouse corpses containing crunchy bones, fur, eyes, tails, feet and all the rest."   

       And I have a strong stomach.
blissmiss, Jul 06 2020

       Cats like crunchy things, [blissmiss], and that includes crisps/chips and the like. We also like crunchy things. These are crunchy mice.
nineteenthly, Jul 07 2020

       The right kind of batter might form a crispy shell after deep frying which, if adhesive enough, might be a way to solve the fur problem. Dip, fry and then split open to reveal a hair-free soft mouse centre, kind of like an oyster.   

       No, on second thoughts, I'm not sure I'm ready for that either.
zen_tom, Jul 07 2020

       Finally somebody got it!
nineteenthly, Jul 07 2020

       I think your idea was weaved into my dreams last night, and it wasn't pretty. But I get the crunchy. Give em a potato chip.
blissmiss, Jul 07 2020

       // chocolate coated crunchy frogs for dessert? //   

       Is there lark's vomit with that ?   

       Does the selection also include Spring Surprise ?
8th of 7, Jul 07 2020


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