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Never Ending Bus Journey

Don't stop for passengers to achieve faster travel times.
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One of the things that always seems to slow down bus journeys is all those interminable stops to pick up other passengers, it's just so frustrating when the bus seems to spend more time taking on new passengers than it does travelling.

This is easy to solve, just don't! (stop to pick up passengers that is).

It seemed so simple when we first came up with this idea at head office but when receipts dropped sharply in the first month of the application of this new policy we realised we had a problem.. after thorough analysis by our accounting team we were still stumped, it was only after customer services got together with accounting down the pub for Geoff's birthday & mentioned all the complaints from people still waiting at bus stops for the past 2 months that we realised what was wrong.

A little further thought & we came up with a solution.

The new passenger delivery catapults installed along our routes last week seem to be working well & the catch nets on the top decks of our new fleet of open top double deckers appear to be performing adequately.

We'd like to assure our customers that the small issue of operator accuracy has been mostly sorted out (we sacked Sturton & the others have been given a stern talking to about drinking at work) & very few people are missing their buses now.

We apologise to our customers for any inconvenience experienced at the end of your journey but until we develop a more satisfactory method of egress at your destination passengers will just have to continue being thrown from the bus.

Skewed, Sep 04 2019

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       Perhaps the answer is to have an autonomous podule linked to the rear of the bus via a gangway. This podule could detach, decelerate to the bus stop, embark/disembark passengers, and then catch up with the rest of the bus.
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 05 2019
  

       //then catch up with the rest of the bus//   

       Assuming the rest of the bus is travelling at the speed limit the podule will keep getting speeding tickets, this could be a problem for our revenue flow, any suggestions?
Skewed, Sep 05 2019
  

       If the bus is in a town, it will be slowed by traffic and signals, giving the nifty podule time to catch up. Out of town, the bus can slow down marginally whilst maintaining the illusion of progress.
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 05 2019
  

       If is this is genuinely a 'non-stop bus', you will have to find ways of refuelling the bus while it is in motion and, at the end of the day, changing drivers while the bus is in motion so that the night-shift driver can keep driving it all night.
hippo, Sep 05 2019
  

       A bus with a very long stretchy/gummy section that could fling itself and passengers contained inside towards the stopped destination could find new and exciting ways to fail to meet the criteria.
RayfordSteele, Sep 05 2019
  

       //slowed by traffic//   

       That will never do!   

       Entirely defeats the object the exercise.   

       Dedicated bus lanes then, possibly dual bus lanes, one for each direction.   

       Small aft mounted catapults might be an idea, for passengers that suddenly realise they got on the wrong bus, are going the wrong way & want to switch busses.
Skewed, Sep 05 2019
  

       //If is this is genuinely a 'non-stop bus', you will have to find ways of refuelling the bus while it is in motion//   

       Special refueling tankers for in-transit fueling?   

       //changing drivers//   

       Same way the passengers get on & off shirley?
Skewed, Sep 05 2019
  

       //new and exciting ways to fail to meet the criteria//   

       You're hired! report to R&D immediately.
Skewed, Sep 05 2019
  

       //new and exciting ways to fail to meet the criteria//   

       Made me laugh, a lot.
blissmiss, Sep 06 2019
  

       It seems to have worked for planet earth and Ben Slapsig or whatever you call the person who travels non-stop by plane
halfshilling, Sep 11 2019
  

       Back in the sixties, a company used to do London to Afghanistan bus trips with Route master double-deckers, you could hop off somewhere interesting, then catch the next one...
not_morrison_rm, Sep 11 2019
  
      
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