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One-Directional Soccer

One way only. No loafers. If you loaf, your carded.
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(+2, -4)
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Occasionally, in gym class, we play soccer. If Pélé were watching, he'd probably croak and die. Why? This is crappy soccer. Soccer from Hell. Sloppy defence, offensive people that stay in the offensive zone waiting for the ball (i.e. loafers), 4 players a side, 3 on the defensive end. Plus, if they know that the ballhandler has a moster kick, they clear the way for an easy goal. You'd swear you were playing "Pong", not soccer. There is only one way to fix this. One-Directional Soccer.

One net only. 2 goalies in that one net, one per team. 4 players per team are running with the ball. You can only pass and move forward. If you drop backwards of pass back more than 5 feet, your carded. The field for this unique brand of soccer wold have to be as long as anormal soccer field, but much more narrow. And, if possible, a motorized trip wire that follws the players while running. That way, if a player falls behind he is carded. If the ball falls behind the trip wire, the play is dead and the wire stops. Then, they start from wherever the trip wire is. I would make it 5 cards before the ejection (instead of 2 yellows or a red). Once a guy scores, the players go back to the starting line and the process repeats itself for 90 minutes. There is only one shot taken, though.

HomerX, Oct 03 2002


       loafers : poachers   

       offensive : attackers/forwards   

       offensive zone : attacking half   

       ballhandler >snigger< : goalkeeper   

       soccer : Association Football   

       No wonder Pele is lying in a pool of blood and urine on the floor.
[ sctld ], Oct 03 2002

       You could make the pitch circle round so that the players wouldn't have to be bussed back to the starting line after each goal. Otherwise the tactic would be to send just one player back to the start and wait near the end.
Maybe you could use race-courses for the pitch, since these exist already.
Also you could attach cameras to the moving wire (or bar) if it was a spectator sport.
Deciding which team had scored might be a little tricky - last touch by any player except for a goal-keeper?
I propose also that the trailing wire should stop maybe 3 metres from the goal until someone eventually gets it in.
Loris, Oct 03 2002

       Why not play 3-and-in? [Each player tries to score three goals against an single goalie. First to three goes in goal. Can be "Passing" or "Tackling" varierty.] Or International 3-and-in, which is the same, only when you score a goal, shout the name of the country you have chosen. "Faaaaarrroooeeesss!"
calum, Oct 03 2002

       Hey, loris, that's a sweet idea. You know, the one with the camera. Yeah, it's last-touch for gaol scoring. Couldn't be that trick if the ref pays attention to the game.
HomerX, Oct 04 2002

       3-and-in!!! or World cup! I 'baggsy' Brazil... loser goes in goal.   

       Your crap friend in goal.
"Hey... Andy...Your in."
"Why me?"
"Cos your crap...we all want to play out field"
"Thats not fair"
"We don't give a damn...your in!"
"But its my ball...I'm away home.."
"Don't be a twat Andy, just stay...you'll be 'out' in 5 minutes"....(heh I don't think so)

       Ah yes the glorious days of youth.
Jinbish, Oct 04 2002

       Remind me to think up some ridiculous suggestions for US "sports", so I can show my complete ignorance of what the game is about in a thinly covered rant
ivanhoe, Jan 19 2004

       At the risk of being British, I say RUBBISH to this foolish sport!
disbomber, Apr 03 2005


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