Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Bespoke pets guaranteed to last longer than normal, on average.
  [vote for,

People get attached to their pets

They can often get quite upset when they wear out

But we here at PermaPet have the solution to their woes

A pet inoculated against tissue rejection in the womb (see attached link for details of our proprietary technique) with one of our lines of organ replacement bunnies (for cats) or sheep (for dogs) providing you with a ready supply of organs & tissue to help your vet extend fluffy's life expectancy indefinitely*

Stem cell injections to stimulate new brain tissue growth when your pet begins to exhibit signs of mental decay available for an additional charge

Short of instant death resulting from massive head trauma reducing the brain to jelly your pet can expect a far longer (happier is up to you) life by your side than any normal animal of its species.

OK, so your pet won't really live forever but we'll do our damnedest to make sure it lives as long as we possibly can.

After all, it's about the only damn way we're ever going to get enough widespread acceptance of the technique to ever see it's use in humans & that's where the real money's going to be.

Brought to you by Skewed Inc in partnership with Sixth day Industries, a wholly owned subsidiary of Imfinidum Enterprises

*If they'll buy Savanah cats they'll buy these, the pet hybrid wild cat & domestic fox industry (etc) would make a good test market, after all, the buggers buying those are already willing to spend obscene amounts of money on a pet, often sight unseen, seeing as its egg sometimes hasn't even been ovulated yet.

Well, it's one way to make some money out of the proof of concept process.

Skewed, Mar 06 2021

Early foetal human / animal organ transplant inoculations Early_20foetal_20hu...lant_20inoculations
[Skewed, Mar 06 2021]


       So, the idea is xenotransplants for pets, with the linked idea being a way to reduce tissue rejection rates?
pertinax, Mar 06 2021


       [Waggles hand side to side]   

       Or maybe not.   

       The real idea is to sneak acceptance of the method into peoples lives by building familiarity & trust of it under the guise of pet care.   

       The subsidiary idea is to actually get paid for doing the pre human trial product testing ;D   

       The end goal is of course eradicating tissue rejection for xenotransplants in humans (the linked idea) but keep that under your hat we don't want to alarm the overtly religious & suchlike.   

       [Glances at perts head]   

       {Notes an absence of hat]   


       [Proffers a battered trilby]   

       You can use this one.
Skewed, Mar 06 2021

       My hat is not on my head, but is properly secured. You are advised not to look under it without following the usual safety protocols.
pertinax, Mar 06 2021

       This doesn't involve anything silly like dancing widdershins around it in your underdraw's does it?   

       Cos the weather's a touch chilly still.
Skewed, Mar 07 2021

       It ... *might* not.
pertinax, Mar 07 2021


       [Looks relieved]   

       [Rebuttons jeans]   

       Well that's good.   

       I've always preferred dancing widdershins in my own draws anyway.
Skewed, Mar 07 2021

       My elderly father, who passed away a couple months ago, lived by himself and was, naturally, lonely as his world became more isolated. A few years prior I suggested that he get a dog for company.   

       He fired up a bit and said 'No, I've outlived too many dogs over the years - it just hurts too much'. He had a peculiar mix of amusement and pissed-off-ed-ness on his face when I cheerfully suggested "You never know Dad, this one might be the one!"   

       Turns out, I might have been right :(   

       (I still think it was funny though)
AusCan531, Mar 08 2021

       It was, dark humour often works well (both as funny & to pull people out of a down) if delivered in the right way & with sufficient tongue in cheek :)
Skewed, Mar 08 2021


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