Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Wait Training Belt

Belt that teaches the importance of patience and calmness
  (+11, -7)
(+11, -7)
  [vote for,

The Wait Training Belt is designed to take at least an hour to fasten or unfasten. It achieves this objective by having 100 different buckles and fasteners.

Some buckles even have buckles within them, so that when you undo the first level, you must then undo the next. The entire belt is festooned with fasteners of every description and degree of difficulty needed to affect removal and replacement.

The belt has no useful function other than to cause the wearer to develop a deep sense of calm, because they will otherwise be consumed by total frustration and rage and begin tearing at their own flesh.

Any wearer of such a belt thus sends out the message that they have achieved a level of enlightenment far beyond that possible through years of dedicated meditation. Wait Training Belt wearers are therefore an exclusive club, and will greet each other with conversations relating to the length of time taken to put on or remove their trousers or skirts:

"I start putting mine on at 3 am, in time to leave for work at 8.30" - "I've just had a combination lock fitted to the back buckle on mine that takes twenty minutes to twiddle open" - "I have to use tweezers and a magnifying glass to undo the last links on mine."

xenzag, Feb 16 2007

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       I could tell this was one of yours, [xenzag], and it's quietly superb, tapping as it does into one of the weirder but deep psychological quirks of us humans (albeit one previously satisfied in different ways. For example, in this sentence:   

       //The belt has no useful function other than to cause the wearer to develop a deep sense of calm, because they will otherwise be consumed by total frustration and rage and begin tearing at their own flesh.//   

       replace 'The belt' with 'Golf', 'wearer' with 'player', and 'flesh' with 'flesh').   

imaginality, Feb 16 2007

       [+] - although I predict bandwagon-jumpers producing a range of cheap "Wait Belts" that just *look* hard to open.
hippo, Feb 16 2007

       Hope you have an incontinence loaf handy. [+]
craigts, Feb 16 2007

       I pictured something like the restraning collars Kirk and Spock wore when captive or the invisible fence dog collar, something that gives one a shock if they act too soon.
nuclear hobo, Feb 16 2007

       You could just get a chastity belt and have someone else lock it. Then, you'll have to be patient enough to wait for someone else to unlock it.
jiwhite, Feb 17 2007

       sighs - removes belt - rests for a while from Bakery.
xenzag, Feb 18 2007


       My god. What the hell is the 1/2 B coming to when a bloody gem like this gets boned. It has everything. It's almost useless, but isn't. It involves zen. What's not to like?   

       Avast at you, you dirty sea dogs! Come out and fight like real bakers, you scurvy wenches!   

       Wear the bones with pride, [xen], but in case you're hungry, here have my bun. [+]   

       This is, I think, one of my favourite ideas; please don't leave us [xen], it's getting a bit lonely here.
Custardguts, Feb 19 2007

       [GutsOfCustard] I'm with you and [xen] on this one - but have noticed that (for want of a better word) 'zennish' ideas tend to split the 'bakery populace straight down the middle.   

       And perhaps (in terms of the underlying cosmic sense of things) a true balance of bun versus bone is a fitting overall judgement. It shows us that the idea transcends the dualistic labels of good vs bad; it simply is.   

       An idea can ask for no greater honour than this. Anything more is (as the great crash of Ought Four teaches us) nothing but fleeting illusion, shapes formed by sunbeams sifted through the branches of a cherry tree.
zen_tom, Feb 19 2007

       in the cherry tree,
sunlight sparkling on buckles,
the Training Belt hangs
imaginality, Feb 19 2007



       and, + again.   

       can I order five or six for my boyfriend? I could like, use them not only to keep his trousers on him, but I could use them like to chain him to things if we get in fights. Then he can't follow me anywhere for at least a few hours, giving us both time to cool off and me time to get a full spa treatment and even tan.
we_dont_eat_them, Feb 19 2007

       [Tom_of zenlike_inclination] I am at one with the notion of a pure balance of the bun-ying and the bone-yang, however my soul is uneasy.   

       Of seven boners, narry a one was worthy of venturing comment in explanation of their crass dissaproval.   

       For was it not the great bhudda himself that said   

       give me your buns and your bones but at least have the balls to explain them.   

       NB Bhudda may or may not have actually said that. Go on, prove that he didn't.
Custardguts, Feb 19 2007

       *tries to disprove [custardguts]*   




we_dont_eat_them, Feb 19 2007


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