Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Cemetery Playground

Dual use.
  (+53, -5)(+53, -5)(+53, -5)
(+53, -5)
  [vote for,

Many cemeteries are beautiful. Stately trees, manicured lawn, flowers. And barely anyone in there but dead folks and the occasional mourner.

I propose that cemeteries be used as parks. Headstones would either be flush with the ground so as to be topple-proof, or large and substantial enough that they could be climbed on and around. Mausoleums would be fitted with stairs and slides. There would be picnic tables and barbecues in among the stones. The graveyard would be full of live people, having fun, in addition to the dead people and their trees, stones and flowers.

This would not be done in a spirit of disrespect or mocking. There is the frugality of economy / dual use. Mainly, though, I think that some people might want to be buried in a park, where life goes on - sort of the same principle as voiced in that "Gravedigger" song by Dave Matthews, where the singer asks for a shallow grave so that he can feel the rain.

bungston, Apr 01 2005

Bonded rubber surfacing http://www.decoston...rubberflooring.html
Seems to be holding up well in the parks in Phoenix [half, Apr 01 2005]

Rosetta Cemetary Rosetta_20Cemetery
[theircompetitor, Apr 02 2005]

St Alphege's churchyard, Greenwich London http://www.flickr.c...395@N00/2764907625/
(There's another one near The Oval, too, I think) [Dub, Aug 25 2010]

St. John’s Wood Church Gardens https://foursquare....b0be4b008f25a69e957
Wonderfully baked. [Whistlebritches, Dec 31 2018]

Vacation Cemeteries http://liartownusa....-cemetery-pamphlets
It's satire [discontinuuity, Jan 13 2019]


       Absolutely morbid and disrespectful. [+].
Machiavelli, Apr 01 2005

       There should probably be a few pre-set no-play hours, to minimize laughing during a service. Or funerals could be performed only at night.
Worldgineer, Apr 01 2005

       Isn't this already baked in Japan, due to their population / land area ratio ? [off to look for a link]
normzone, Apr 01 2005

       Headstones made of that bonded rubber cushy safety stuff found around playground equipment?
half, Apr 01 2005

       Certainly not as durable as stone, but I can imagine coating a regular headstone with that stuff. In a thousand years of play the painted rubber inscription will wear off and the carved stone inscription will be revealed.
Worldgineer, Apr 01 2005

       (I was thinking of it being cast in relief - sorta like a bronze plaque - in one color, and then the voids filled with a contrasting color so the inscription would be legible even after a lot of wear and the surface would be smooth. Big letters, primary colors. I guess it wouldn't be good for a thousand years though.)
half, Apr 01 2005

       My gran would like it. Hell, I'd like it. How often do people wander round graveyards? At least this'll get people through the door. Gate. Whatever.   

       Instead of a gravestone, I'll sponsor one of those splat-the-rat machines. You know, the ones with the hammer and the furry blobs poking up out of holes.   

       The biggest croissant I can possibly give. [+]
moomintroll, Apr 01 2005

       Whenever I visit Buenos Aires I like to visit the oldest cemetery there. It has beautiful tombs and mausoleums and it's peaceful...until my sister and I get up to our little shenanigans. We'll find a mausoleum that's not locked and I hide behind the door (my sister won't step foot into it so she waits outside a little ways away and watches the tourists' reactions) and make odd noises like thumps, knocks, whispers, and soft singing. I'm thinking I probably shouldn't do it next time I'm there. It ain't fittin' for a 'mature' 27 year old woman.
Machiavelli, Apr 01 2005

       Machiavelli, you're evil. But I guess you knew that, hence the name.
moomintroll, Apr 01 2005

       No, not evil. Just wicked. Sometimes. But think of the great "haunted cemetery" stories the tourists go home to tell!
Machiavelli, Apr 01 2005

       Ah, so you're a tourist attraction.
moomintroll, Apr 01 2005

       This is utter nonsense. They should be used as golf courses!   

       Imagine, fairways full of tombstone obstacles. Like mini-golf played on a grand scale. Hitting the ball into an open grave counts as a penalty stroke.
phundug, Apr 01 2005

       I want to be buried there, but not yet.
zeno, Apr 02 2005

       What's the point of cemetaries anyway? Half the people in there have been dead at least 100(+) years, and nobody knows that they even existed! I'm the kind of person who would see a huge smooth hillin a cemetary, and want to go sledding down it in the winter. In fact I probably would, cept mum says 'no'.
EvilPickels, Apr 02 2005

       [EvilPickels] If it makes you feel any better, there was a time where cemetaries in churchyards were used as a place for setting up your market stall on market day. People would set them up against the grave stones, sometimes of long-gone rellies.   

       My elder brother, when we were little, he once asked mum when 'grandad was coming back from the dead', as mum had told him that it was a place. So she then told him that it was a one-stop place that you don't come back from.   

       This gave me and my sis a laugh when we heard it...
froglet, Apr 02 2005

       Sorry, took a long Calgon bath and just woke up. I once did an idea for a Golf Course Cemetary.   

       Unabubba, I think, commented on how a hand would pop out of the 18th hole, and throw the ball back at you, with an evil chortle.   

       Long story short, the idea was so-so, the comments better. It's good to know, bungs, that bakery minds think alike, I think.   

       (A heartfelt thanks to bris, for her assistance and humor, in keeping me from acting like a child again, and nuking my account. Just may be the reason she's a moderator, amoung so many others.)   

       I think it was called "cemetary golf a course"?   

       But if one blows one's self up, is the idea gone, or just the creator.
blissmiss, Apr 03 2005

       I think i'd rest more peacefully if i knew that life was going to go on around me. but i will haunt the kid that vandalises my tombstone
BPhilpotts, Apr 03 2005

       I want my tombstone to be a functional play-fixture; perhaps a little fountain and kiddie pool. Maybe a water-slide.
RayfordSteele, Apr 04 2005

       Idea so-so. Croissant for Machiavelli's awesomeness.
disbomber, Apr 05 2005

       How would you explain what the little kiddies dig up in the sand pit? 'Mum look what i found...'
gorjabuble, Apr 05 2005

       Could lead to some pretty messed up horror films. Night of the living dead meets the magic roundabout.
hidden truths, Apr 06 2005

       Great idea - lots of great ideas here. I would only suggest that sandboxes be banned. We don't need Junior bringing home femurs that he dug up.
kevindimie, Apr 08 2005

       I was pondering a headstone or other funereal decoration. This would be carved out of a large piece of granite, most of which was buried in the ground (to make it hard to move or tip). It would be a tornado slide (I think they are called helter skelters in Britain). There are no moving parts to such a slide - just stairs then the slide. Polished granite or basalt would make a wonderful slide. I like the idea of 1000 years of kids using the slide, gradually wearing the furrow deeper and deeper.   

       I thought of this idea a while back after visiting a prehistoric indian site that had several large boulders. You could see where one flat one had been worn into a comfortable shape by generations of butts. There was also one rock which clearly was a fun slide, and you could almost see where the kids had slid on it.   

       I wonder if any of you who live in area which has been densely populated for hundreds of years have similar playground stones around?
bungston, Oct 13 2006

       Beats burying people in a playground. [+]
wagster, Oct 13 2006

       I like the idea of children being aware of death and incorporating it fairly blatantly as part of life rather than hushing it up and pretending it doesn't exist, but i expect that in fact most children are introduced to death pretty early anyway.

[kevindimie], on the subject of children bringing home femurs, i actually did that once, when i was about nine, from my local graveyard. I put it on the nature table at school.
nineteenthly, Oct 13 2006

       This is great! (+) Is lunch heated in the crematorium? :)   

       When we were kids out for a trail ride we used to stop and eat our lunch in the cemetary in order to let our horses graze on the nice, rich, fertilized grass... mmmmm...
ionsfromzion, Oct 14 2006

       "may he/she rest in peace of joyful children's giggles and Machiavelli's twisted jokes."
sweet, Oct 14 2006

       I vote for this to be applied to graves near my house but I would myself prefer to be burried in a quiet place ++
nomadic_wonderer, Jan 25 2007

       Kids from my school used to go grave jumping at night. It basically entails running around a graveyard... jumping over graves really. And drinking copious amounts of cider.   

       And, there's the rub.
theleopard, Jan 25 2007

       Just to keep a certain awareness of the underground inhabitants instead of vertical gravestones (which, in the case of a golf course would turn the place into a super pinball machine) there should be full sized holograms of the dead under thick slabs of transparent glass mounted flat over the coffins so you could see who's there. Games could go on in the pathways and on the grass plots but there probably would be some reluctance about activities over the holograms.
JSand, Jan 25 2007

       Came here to post this one. Glad I searched.   

       // I like the idea of 1000 years of kids using the slide, gradually wearing the furrow deeper and deeper.//   

       Me, too. This is a really nice idea in a lot of ways.
nomocrow, Aug 23 2010

       ...and not one person pointing out that "funeral" is an anagram for "real fun."   

       Until now.
PhaseShifter, Aug 23 2010

       [+] I know a graveyard which is also a //park where life goes on// Of course, activities are restricted, but there's a lot you can do: strolling around enjoying the (really beautiful) scenery, feeding the ducks, visiting the chapel (stained glass by a famed master) or the mausoleum of a former head of state (breathtakingly ugly, which is better than pretty), visiting graves of famous people, visiting graves of nonentities, and speculating about their lives, sketching ornamental stone carving, reading quietly on the grass ....   

       [nomocrow] Reminds me of that Georges Brassins song in which he asks to be buried on the beach so that his grave will be surrounded by happy people enjoying themselves (also so the shadow of the cross on his headstone will lie across the body of a sunbathing woman)
mouseposture, Aug 23 2010

       I find no disrespect in this idea. Why should dead people want silence? If we're imagining they're around to sense it I bet they prefer the sound of children's laughter. If we're not pretending they're around to sense it, they don't care.
Voice, Aug 24 2010

       The city of Westminster has this baked to perfection. Years ago, we used to take our little girl to the playground that is part of St. John’s Wood Church grounds. The cemetery abuts the play area. Seemed creepy at first, but in reality, a really beautiful and peaceful place. Voice’s anno is spot on.
Whistlebritches, Dec 31 2018

       [+] Where's the contact details, of that Genius committee.
wjt, Jan 01 2019

       Maybe this a US/UK difference? Small island/high population so pretty much everywhere was graveyard at some point.   

       I often used to eat my sarnies in a churchyard in London, along with all the other office people having their lunch.   

       But, don't confuse lich with lycheese. Bad idea, lose 10 points.   

       //Further edit   

       Brookwood Cemetery had its own railway, London Necropolis railway, and "There were two {train} stations in the cemetery: North for non-conformists and South for Anglicans."
not_morrison_rm, Jan 01 2019


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