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Daschund Luge II

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(+7, -1)
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In the linked idea, a proposal was made to send a dachsund down a luge course.

Amusing though this might be the first few times, it lacks a certain appeal.

Proposed, therefore, is a more entertaining Daschund Luge. Our marketing team have tentatively suggested calling it "Daschund Luge II", which I think is an excellent title.

It is first necessary to find (a) a steep hillside and (b) somewhere in the region of 48,000 daschunds. All should be of the short-haired variety.

It is next necessary to persuade, by whatever means necessary, the 48,000 daschunds (b) to stand in tight- packed formation on the aforementioned hillside (a). All daschunds should be facing uphill, and must be trained to keep their heads down at all costs.

It should now be possible for a slickly-clad (or naked and dry) human to luge downhill on the backs of the packed daschunds. Initial calculations suggest that the transient per-daschund load will not be unreasonable.

As a bonus, fine metal chains are dangled in a curtain across the bottom end of the Daschund Luge II. Depending on humidity, speed and clothing, the human participant should be charged to the tune of several MV by the time they reach this point, and will create a satisfying spark as they whoosh through the chain curtain.

MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 26 2016

The Linked Idea Dachshund_20Luge
[MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 26 2016]


       Nice choice of category. I see this in the next summer Olympics, with judging based on style and spark measurement.
normzone, Sep 26 2016

MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 26 2016

       Outstanding. A 5MV bun for you [+++++]
whatrock, Sep 26 2016

       The static charge generated should be used to send tiny shocks to the pleasure centres of the dachshunds' brains
hippo, Sep 27 2016

       But Daschunds are genetically happy anyway - you never see a sad Daschund.
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 27 2016

       Higher voltages could be attained by the use of cat fur, and cats are much, much easier to fix in place. For example, cats can be embedded in quick-setting Plaster of Paris, then assembled into easily handled and stackable 500mm x 500mm panels for transport to site.   

       A thin sheet of pre-printed stiff board is placed in the bottom of a silicone tray. Cyanoacrillate adhesive is applied to the cat's paws and tail, and they are then attached to the board at the marked locations. The plaster mix is then poured in and allowed to set. Once set, the block, complete with cat, can be removed from the mould and set aside ready for the next part of the process.   

       The tail makes a convenient carrying handle for the sub-assembly.   

       Alternatively, cats can be attached to sheets of MDF with an air-powered industrial nail gun.
8th of 7, Sep 27 2016

Voice, Sep 27 2016

       // In the linked idea, a proposal was made to send a daschund down a luge course. //   

       And then the spelling was corrected.
notexactly, Sep 27 2016

       Well, I've never been one to bow to German ideals of spelling. But fixed.
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 27 2016

       //dachsund// just a bit more...
FlyingToaster, Sep 27 2016

       // German ideals of spelling //   

       ... such as the Queen's English ....   

       (Don't mention the War).
8th of 7, Sep 27 2016

       //Alternatively, cats can be attached to sheets of MDF with an air-powered industrial nail gun.//   

       It's this kind of casual attitude that brings us all down. I really urge you to think more carefully before posting such comments. If you want to attach cats to MDF, nailing really isn't the way. Even with a nail gun you have some real issues to be aware of, MDF splits. In every direction imaginable. The nail diameter is extremely limited. Even with ideal conditions, you're going to drive the nail into the surface of the other side and that frequently lifts it, aesthetically awful. Nails grip very poorly in MDF, so it may be advantageous to nail through the MDF into the cat, but then there's so little information about the average cat as a nailing substrate.   

       It is possible that one of the Roman emperors less encumbered by the restrictions of sanity presided over a number of underlings who acquired significant experience of cat-to wood nailing, but alas, such experience is lost.
bs0u0155, Sep 27 2016

       //Nails grip very poorly in MDF// What you want there is a ring-shank nail, mate.
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 27 2016

       // It's this kind of casual attitude that brings us all down. //   

       <hangs heads in shame>   

       Sorry, yes, MDF is a stupid idea. It might work with thick sections of Sterling board, or shuttering ply.   

       We humbly beg forgiveness. In future, we will always carry out extensive tests when nailing cats to anything, rather than extrapolating from limited data derived from a small, unrepresentative sample.   

       If any Roman Emperor knew about nailing cats to things, it would most likely be Gaius Augustus Caligula. We shall commence a literature search immediately.
8th of 7, Sep 27 2016

       Surely screws would be superior than nails in retaining any animal? Then you could say 'I screwed the pooch' with pride.
RayfordSteele, Sep 27 2016

       Dachshunds do eventually die of old age. Their pelts could be saved such that this Idea could be implemented without using live animals trained to hold still.
Vernon, Sep 28 2016

       Who said anything about training cats ? Well-known to be impossible.
8th of 7, Sep 28 2016

       //Who said anything about training cats ? Well-known to be impossible.//   

       Again, this is partial information at best. While it's true that cats respond poorly to the kind of training that works well on dogs or junior government ministers, there are alternatives. Rose bushes are spiky, uncooperative organisms, much like cats. Both may be trained in the same manner, traditionally a stout frame and plenty of sturdy garden twine. As it grows, you may dictate the exact shape you desire.
bs0u0155, Sep 29 2016

       More like the type of 'real' half-baked idea that used to be commonplace here. I would like to promote a camel hump version of this luge, to provide a more 'textured' descent.
xenzag, Oct 05 2016


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