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Prevent Ass Splash.

The worst part of going #2.
  (+4, -12)(+4, -12)
(+4, -12)
  [vote for,

Whenever one takes a poo, the tird always splashes some water back up to the ass. Its dirty, its wet, its umcomfortable. Its even worse when its a public toilet.

Solution. Have no water in the toilet until you need to flush.

The toilet seat is pressure sensitive. The user sits on it and a the toilet begins to fill slowly with water. The idea is that the flowing water prevents the poo from sticking to the sides. Since the toilet fills slowly to its level there would be no splash back. Of course it you were to take a 3 or 4 minute long crap there would be some.

Since most long craps occur when one has the runs and runs really dont cause splash back, the problem is solved.

Upon filling, the toilet is ready to flush. When the person gets off the seat the toilet either A: completes the bowl fill and flushes or B: Flushes right away.

Antegrity, Sep 23 2005

High-tech toilets http://en.wikipedia...iki/Japanese_toilet
[Loma, Sep 23 2005]

The Home:Toilet:Splash category http://www.halfbake...0Toilet_3a_20Splash
Where this belongs. [ConsulFlaminicus, Sep 23 2005]

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       Lay a single sheet of toilet paper on the surface of the water.
wagster, Sep 23 2005

       Just poop on your living room floor. That way, there is little chance of splash back.   

       The added side benefit is that you can keep your front-of-house cannons trained on your enemies.   

       <note to self: always have a roommate who poops near the back-of-house cannons>
sleeka, Sep 23 2005

       As I may have mentioned elsewhere, the problem lies with the water levels found in American toilets. They really are staggeringly high. It is possible to start to do a poo and have the prow of the poo submereged and the aft still tucked snugly in your bumhole. No wonder there is splashback, a drop of water sent just three and a half centimetres from the water surface will impact on your chubby white ass.   

       //Have no water in the toilet until you need to flush//
Anyway, squat toilets in japan work on a similar basis to the one proposed; shit on porcelain, flush and watch high pressure water jets slide the stool into the waste pipe. Admittedly, there's no slow refill of the western bowl here, but the net result - zero splashback - is the same.
calum, Sep 23 2005

       But dont those same toilets in japan squirt a jet of water up your bottom any way?
Loma, Sep 23 2005

       Um, the squat toilets don't.
calum, Sep 23 2005

       "runs really don't cause splash back ". You had me up to there.
reensure, Sep 23 2005

       What's next?, the Pleco-mmode?
Zimmy, Sep 24 2005

       The problem with those high tech toilets is cleaning them. They look nice and modern, with spouts and nossels. But when a large American with the shits comes running up, well....... enough said.
Antegrity, Sep 24 2005

       That's a little unfair, [blissmiss] - half of the ideas here are whimsical at best. In terms of disaster and loss of life around the world, this time is no different to any other.
Adze, Sep 24 2005

       Im pretty sure that the United States can handle the middle east and some hurricanes. As for the UK, I dont know, you all lost your power a long time ago. Mabye it is time that you concerned yourself with ass splash, what else is there for you to do?
Antegrity, Sep 24 2005

       I have my arse splash situation covered from all angles thank you.
wagster, Sep 24 2005

       // As for the UK, I dont know, you all lost your power a long time ago//   

       Our electricital power? I'm confused. By the way in the UK we would concerning ourselves with arse splash.
AliMon, Sep 24 2005

       Blissmiss, you were right there aren't any UK/US differences, it is turd. Also, Calum, //prow of the poo submerged etc// have a big enough meal and you can do it easily enough with a British toilet.
fridge duck, Sep 24 2005

       Since I spent the first 20 years in England, and the last 25 years here, I know a little about latreen equipment comparisons. US toilets are quiet, stylish, deep, economical but a bit wimpy. UK toilets are ugly, loud, shallow, sometimes violent, but very efficient. Has anyone determined if ass splash is affected by diet? This might shed more light on the subject. Personally I miss the big chain you got to pull with the old UK ones, it was more fun and required less bending. Stay away from British Rail Loo Paper BTW (US Translation - TP)
BritUSA, Sep 24 2005

       I was willing to let this one go with a neutral vote until \\As for the UK, I dont know, you all lost your power a long time ago\\. [-] For being an idiot.
hidden truths, Sep 24 2005

       Humph. Until this idea became crusted with fomite, I had wandered away dreaming of a "Heavy Fog Bank Johnny" featuring warm pea-soup mist that envelops turds, conforms to every contour, mutes every outpouring, and biers nubilously into the shrouded abyss.   

       I think instead I'll go hit on someone with brains.
reensure, Sep 25 2005


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