Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Safety Trousers

Protect Your Family Jewels From Unneccessary Damage
  (+3, -5)
(+3, -5)
  [vote for,

The idea of Safety Trousers, is that in the nether regions of the trousers, a rock hard piece of armour is sewn into the fabric to protect one's genitals from attacks by members of the opposite sex. The armour plating would resemble a 'box' as used in cricket. The trousers would lso utilise a handy dye dispenser mounted on the armour, which would release some permanant fabric dye when put under pressure. This would be directed away from the wearer, and at the offender's shoes, handbag or any other weapon utilised, thus ruining the weapon used. This way, we can help prevent the growing problem of being kicked in the balls, as well as helping relieve the pain if the worst should happen.
chard, Oct 21 2002

Knoebel's http://www.knoebels.com
Hurt my back last time I was there. Testicles survived unscathed. [waugsqueke, Oct 25 2002]


       A fishbone for your codpiece!
ldischler, Oct 21 2002

       I'd be interested to know if those who voted against this idea liked being kicked in the balls, or alternatively liked kicking people in the balls and thought this would spoil their fun.   

       Although... there might be side-effects. Those who owned cats which liked to sit on laps would soon own green cats.
Loris, Oct 21 2002

       The amount of times you get kicked in the balls is not important. You only need to be kicked there once in your life, and thats it, you're a neurotic wreck, terrified of apporaching anyone with hard shoes. It is, incredibly, amazingly, painful.
chard, Oct 21 2002

       //incredibly, amazingly, painful//   

       Well chard, have you ever baubled a trailer hitch..?
hollajam, Oct 21 2002

       have I been doing it wrong all these years? I thought you were meant to use your knee.
po, Oct 21 2002

       [po] not when the person your trying to knoble is 6 foot something.
skinflaps, Oct 22 2002

       I think the foot is more effective than the knee. If they're too tall you just need to shove the heel of your hand into their nose first, that'll bring them lower, then go in for a goal.
Helium, Oct 22 2002

       Knobling? Thats a form of Swiss yodelling, right? (Either that, or it's a place in Norway.)
DrCurry, Oct 22 2002

       Hit the right spot and you can rest asssured the poor sod will do more than yodel
skinflaps, Oct 22 2002

       knoble? looking that up - for evening classes - sounds like fun
po, Oct 22 2002

       Very odd or is that me ? 'knoble' sounds right when you say it,however the word does'nt exist..maybe i'll try and bake it...then i can go knobling.
skinflaps, Oct 22 2002

       Here we come a-knobling
All donned in shoes of green
Here we come a-knobling
With aim deadly-keen


       Damaged groin, colored shoe
And to you your knoble too
And God bless you and give you
A Safety Trousers pair
And God give you a Safety Trousers pair.
absterge, Oct 22 2002

       God Bless Ye, [absterge].
bristolz, Oct 22 2002

       the slang word that you are looking for is - nobble - to attract the attention of someone or threaten.
po, Oct 22 2002

       These testicles explode
shattering the bold
My hater drops the hits
and it gives me the fits
I'm crawling across the road
That blind shot
made sure this
body dropped
cover for naught
I've gone witless
feel like I've been chopped
Teeth are clenchin'
the pain is wrenchin'
I felt your kick
I'm gonna be sick
Cover the family
Cover the family
thumbwax, Oct 23 2002

       I've only been seriously kicked in the balls once. By a recently disappointed Booker non-prizewinner.   

       - although not because she lost. This was some years ago.
dingbat, Oct 24 2002

       knoble : (nob-bel) n. {slang} To incapacitate a man or boy by kicking the scrotum. A combination of nobble and knacker.
Loris, Oct 24 2002

       I'd concur with Helium's preference for the foot over the knee. Use of the knee requires you to approach to within gouging, punching, biting and butting range.

Also, as a regular user of the cricket box, I can testify to their efficacy. They are, I imagine, also more comfortable than a pair of armoured trousers, though I'm willing to volunteer for a test drive.

Finally, I 'd just like to point out that although, once again, I failed to win the Booker Prize this year, it wasn't me who kicked dingbat in the dingbats.
DrBob, Oct 24 2002

       Make that dye dispenser a custard dispenser and I may be convinced...
NickTheGreat, Oct 24 2002

       Well what if you did it to yourself? Would you get the dye? I knew a guy once who liked to go underwearless until one day he got it all caught in the zipper.... kinda similar I'd guess from his reation when I had to help him get it back out again.
Aurora, Oct 24 2002

       Did you play Doctor?
thumbwax, Oct 25 2002

       My girlfriend's shoe would come a-whirling whenever she had period pains, it was amazing like it was aone of them homing shoes, and then we were together, nursing our shattered ovaries and wincing back the tears as one.
General Washington, Oct 25 2002

       Eventually the inevitiable will happen and you will crack a fat one, what then? do you walk around despreatly trying to cover the green dye spraying out of your crotch onto passers by?
Gulherme, Oct 25 2002

chard, Oct 25 2002

       How would I go about cracking a fat one?
calum, Oct 25 2002

       Are you impotent calum?
Gulherme, Oct 25 2002


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