Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
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Throwing Monkey

A convenient recipient of your pent up frustrations.
  [vote for,

When all the little annoyances of life (the big ones too) pile up, it can really drive you insane. After not getting enough sleep for several nights, having suitemates that are happily unaware of other people (as well as the concept of "work"), and the realization that I have four long chapters of biochemistry to learn for my midterm tomorrow, I just can't function effectively. That's where my throwing monkey comes in. He's a cheap little stuffed monkey that I hurl against my closet doors (or any blank wall) to vent my frustrations with innocuous violence. It really helps. The act of throwing something as hard as possible, and the flailing of the limbs of this ugly monkey as he slams into the wall is refreshing. However, he does not really "slam." It's more of a soft thud. Punching a pillow has the same less-than-satisfying result.

The axe-throwing and other such games at renaissance fairs would be much more gratifying, as they result in a pleasant "THUD!" as axe contacts wood, or a "CRASH" as a dish hits the target. Ultimately, home versions of this are impractical, as you'd end up with a pile of broken stuff to clean up and replace.

My solution is to add a "skeleton" of sorts inside the stuffed animal. It shouldn't be brittle enough to shatter too easily, yet it should snap audibly upon a good impact. The pieces would be contained within the stuffed body. One such monkey should be good for a baker's dozen throws before it becomes so fragmented it won't break anymore. Due to it's disposable nature, it would have to be made as cheaply as my current ugly monkey, perhaps with post-consumer goods.

mandy, Feb 26 2003

008 http://www.mjnewton...uk/bond/double0.htm
Completely unrelated to the idea in question, but does tell of the mention of the '00' agents in James Bond movies. [Jinbish, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 06 2004]


       So, this monkey doesn't throw shit?
thumbwax, Feb 26 2003

       I think they have novelty things you can throw that electronically trigger a crash sound on impact. That might last longer.
snarfyguy, Feb 26 2003

       True, but I prefer actually breaking something. I find it more satisfying than an electronic sound effect.
mandy, Feb 26 2003

       Like a brick ?
skinflaps, Feb 26 2003

       Real bricks are cheaper.
half, Feb 26 2003

       I feel a Fairport Convention reference coming on...
snarfyguy, Feb 26 2003

       [bee]: "wax physical"? Sometimes I don't quite grasp what you're saying. But, sometimes I'm a bit dense.
half, Feb 26 2003

       The wax physical link is where you can buy bricks made of beeswax.
roby, Feb 26 2003

       Well, I want one of these re-breakable monkeys. Until they start making them, I'll get by gluing felt onto a plastic glove, draw monkey face on it, fill with a bit of water and keep it in freezer until I'm in the mood.
roby, Feb 26 2003

       //The wax physical link is where you can buy bricks made of beeswax// I gathered that. So, the use of "physical" here indicates a hyperlink pointing to a web site that contains a physical address which is used for ordering physical product? Just some jargon I somehow missed then? I gotta get out more, or stay in more...or something.
half, Feb 26 2003

       Bee is not waxing lyrical.
roby, Feb 27 2003

       Apologies for derailing this idea, [mandy]. Please feel free to delete my irrelevant ramblings.
half, Feb 27 2003

roby, Feb 27 2003

       No worries [half] and [roby]. (It's my first posted idea, I'm running on very little sleep, and the biochem midterm is at 8. I am oddly giddy at my impending doom, and wasting time here)   

       That's a good idea, [jutta], I'm sure a polymer with those thermal properties could be found. My concerns would be that it shatter properly at room temperature, and that the fragments be contained (as having to pick up little pieces would destroy the point). I would prefer my throwing monkey be reusable.   

       As to the violence, I like it because it is violent and a bit destructive, but in a not-hurting/breaking-anything-important kind of way. And while it is a primate-looking thing, the one I have is a really ugly treeloot monkey. He's wearing tacky red boxing gloves, so he was asking for it...   

       I really need to study for that midterm...
mandy, Feb 27 2003

       How about a bunch of popsicle sticks arranged across the interior of the chest/back, in such a way that the horizontal sticks overlap, but do not touch the vertical sticks - sumpin' like this ‡‡:

(( ‡‡ ))
// ||
*** ***
If the monkey hits the wall/ground with enough force, *thunk* - milliseconds later, the sticks make contact, giving a satisfying *snap,crackle,pop* sound.
Note the monkey is an accomplished bananaslinger, and has already got bananas aimed at ewe
thumbwax, Feb 27 2003

       [thumb] there is something very camp about that monkey.
po, Feb 27 2003

       He's a swinger.
thumbwax, Feb 27 2003

       Thumb: So if he's got a bananaslinger aimed at mee, I should be able to claim self-defence?
Cedar Park, Feb 27 2003

       [thumbwax] - that picture completely killed me. [mandy] - this idea is brilliant - the introduction of a "skeleton of sorts" is verging on genius in my opinion. It's great. If you were only mildly annoyed you could gently snap his forearms. But for real fury you could hurl him with all your might at a hard blunt object, and then walk over to the broken body and slowly step on and crush its ribcage to finish him off.
sild, Feb 27 2003

       Problem is I find it difficult to dislike monkeys. If you could make a Throwing Craig David I would buy a lifetime supply without hesitation.
sild, Feb 27 2003

       Violence is a natural part of human behaviour. Sure, maybe we'll transcend it one day, but in the meantime I think it's better to break a pretend Craig David than the real one.   

       Did I really just say that?
sild, Feb 27 2003

       I wouldn't mind a throwing Craig David [sild], but would much prefer a throwing Eminem.
RoboBust, Feb 27 2003

       I once met Craig David on a Monday,
Punched his lights out on the Tuesday,
He was in intensive care by Wednesday,
and on Thursday, Friday, Saturday
- he was let out on Sunday.
Jinbish, Feb 27 2003

       That's made my day, Jin.   

sild, Feb 27 2003

       The real Slim Shady.
sild, Feb 27 2003

       Regardless of personal feelinjgs about violence, I reckon there would be a huge market for figures with this feature. Hated pop and political figures would probably top the list, and for the inadequate amongst us, the ego rush of crushing a few WWF bones would be enormous. Or so I surmise.
egbert, Feb 27 2003

       I disagree with the whole basis of this idea. If you're unable to work due to annoying roommates (something that I seriously doubt given that you're spending your time on the halfbakery) then you shouldn't take your frustrations out on inanimate objects. You should take them out on your annoying flatmates. Give 'em hell I say.
DrBob, Feb 27 2003

       But that doesn't involve the satisfying crunch of splintering bone. It could, but might be frowned upon.
sild, Feb 27 2003

       Excelent! You could branch out from mere monkeys to hated celebrities! Who wouldn't want to slam Regis and Kelly up against a wall? From the initial frustration outlet aspect, you could branch into the agressive possibilities...

For a limited time only, get a #3 throwing monkey. Wieghted for accurate distance throwing, the #3 throwing monkey is perfect for the average bloke who wants to keep their attackers at bay. For those adventurous types who like to get in close and personal, we have the Jackie Chan limited edition #7 throwing monkey.
ato_de, Feb 27 2003

       Yeah, we already did the celeb bit above. Are you sure these things are suited to self defense? I can't really picture a mugger thinking "Oh no, a toy monkey with easily breakable bones - I knew I should've called it a night".
sild, Feb 27 2003

       //#3// James, hand me my pitching wedge for this shot.
RayfordSteele, Feb 27 2003

       <Q> "Now, Double-Oh-Seven, this is our latest target seeking intermediate range antipersonnel throwing monkey. And can you PLEASE be careful with it ? It cost ten million to develop" </Q>   


       <007> "Sorry, Q..... " </007>
8th of 7, Feb 27 2003

       Chair: "Is there any new business?"
thumbwax: "Madam President" (rises addresses chair waits for recognition)
Chair: The chair recognizes the member (states *thumbwax* or nods head)
thumbwax:"I move that the halfbakery refer to 8th of 7 as 008" (makes the motion)
thumbwax, Feb 27 2003

       Anything beats kicking the cat. Fishy croissant Madame Mandy - fly me.
The Kat, Feb 27 2003

ImBack, Feb 27 2003

       how about a replaceable breakable skeleton. good for a few rounds, then replace. . like a tic tack box. what about a hard plastic box with bb's in it to make noise?
phinch, Feb 27 2003

       How bout a skeleton with a cord running through it, similar to the canes used by blind people. Throw it, all the joints pop, pull the cord, all the joints pop back in place. (I think there are tents with similar structures)
senatorjam, Feb 27 2003

       Leave the monkeys alone! :D
monkeyseemonkeydo, Feb 27 2003

       The chair recognises the honourable member from Queensland.
waugsqueke, Feb 27 2003

       <giggles as the carefully positioned whoopee cushion gives UnaBubba some 'Bronx Cheer'>   

       008 apparently "follows orders, not instincts.". (linky)
Jinbish, Feb 28 2003

       HEY! I like monkeys!! However I do like the idea of being able to vent my frustrations on an inanimate object. As for a Throwing Monkey Eminem, I'm all 4 it!!!!! Maybe a Frankie Munez... or a Justin Timberlake-Brittany Spears set!! (Double the fun!) +.
smileydudette, Mar 01 2003

       I went to Monkey World in England recently and some of the cheeky monkeys threw shit at me, which I actually quite enjoyed. Reminded me of this idea.
sild, May 09 2003

       You could have a zipper in the back of the monkey, and a skeleton made of those Lok-Blox or bristle blocks or what have you. Once it was busted up, you could open the monkey, take out the bits and rebuild him. We have the technology. Faster. Stronger. Better than he was before.
bungston, May 09 2003

       Everybody's got something to hide except for me and my Throwing Monkey.
dstillz, May 09 2003

       In listening to this idea, I came upon the perfect implementation..   

       The monkey (or celeb) could be cloth with hard plastic bones. The bones themselves would be socketed so that when throwing it, the bones would pop out of joint thus making a nice crunchy sound and turning the monkey into a parapalegic.   

       Side bonus.. You could do any number of torturing to the monkey including pulling out it's bones yourself if you need to.   

       Then, once it the frustration was aleviated, it would just be a matter of feeling around and popping the sockets back in.   

       Another side bonus; the monkey is posable in a limited way.   

       I like this idea.. if someone markets my idea exactly, I'll be happy and want only very little royalties (Plus some samples ;), half of my royalty cash will be donated to mandy for inspiration!
JackandJohn, May 09 2003

       I was kind of hoping this would be something ninja-related. Perhaps those flat toy plastic monkeys that you can hang off each other to make monkey chains, but with lethally sharp edges.
friendlyfire, May 09 2003


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