Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Voice of Satan warnings

More effective than 'no user servicable parts inside' sticker
  (+6, -3)
(+6, -3)
  [vote for,

A self contained device, similar to those in annoying greeting cards, which warns the hapless fiddler about the potential dangers of taking the back off the TV etc.

When the cover, panel, tamper evident sticker or similar is moved, a booming voice warns of fire, brimstone and eternal damnation if you stick your fingers in the workings.

Warnings may be tailored to the individual items, so unscrewing the immersion heater without draining the tank might elicit a threat of drowning in a scalding sea.

While this might not deter the enquisitive child, it would have alerted my parents to what I was up to behind the sofa just before the lights went out.

With due regard to the Voice of God reminder idea.

Twizz, Jun 07 2010


       I love it! but it needs a milder variant for less severe situations. Voice of Obnoxious Bastard?
Voice, Jun 07 2010

       This would work against Natural Selection. [-]
8th of 7, Jun 07 2010

       Developing into a generic product now...   

       Makers of popular games consoles could have something saying "Ha! Now you've chipped it you're warranty's void!" as soon as anyone takes the case off.   

       Makers of common electrical appliances could issue a general warning along the lines of "Disconnect the main power supply before continuing"   

       Of course authorised repairers would have (or may be able to buy) secret reset keys.   

       There might be legal problems with products destined for foreign markets. Current warranty and other user documentation is commonly replicated in dozens of languages (at least for the European market) so by the time the warning gets down to the Korean translation the hapless Korean may have already been electrocuted.
Tulaine, Jun 07 2010

       If you undo the case screws and a recorded voice says "Klaatu Barada Nikto", you're in real trouble ....
8th of 7, Jun 07 2010

       A burglar alarm variant could be armed when you leave the house and activate the security system. Any item that notices movement could end up singing a cheerful little song about how it wants to be put back – that slowly changes tune until no sane mind would be able to put up with its satanic whisperings.   

       Should always be an essential part of the system so that silencing of the sound chip prevents future functionality – without the proper reset sequence of course.   

       Admittedly not as fun as lasers of doom sprouting from every shadow and intimidating or incinerating the would be thief (depending on malevolence setting).
saedi, Jun 07 2010

       I don't see why people are talking all this stuff about singing and insulting and etc etc. This is not the general idea for audible warnings on products. It's for a very specific genre of sound: that which emanates from Satan.   

       I find the deviations ignorant of the idea's own originality. [+]
daseva, Jun 07 2010

       [Tulaine] The language problem is, actually, what makes it possible to take this idea seriously. By using the Voice of Satan, rather than some run of the mill synthetic voice, you ensure that, even if Joe Turkeyuser doesn't understand the words, he *knows* he just did something bad.
mouseposture, Jun 08 2010

       Turkey has a religious police force? I thought the Turkish government made a fetish of being secular.   

       Edit: Ah, thanks, I see. Turkish religious police are to religion as Turkish firemen are to fire. Saudi religious police are to religion as _Fahrenheit 451_ firemen are to fire.
mouseposture, Jun 08 2010

       "It had better NOT sound like God" "It had better NOT sound like satan"   

       How would one claim that it sounded like god or satan without themselves falling foul of blasphemy laws by claiming to know the voice of god or satan?   

       Incidentally, I notice many people capiltalise the word god, but not the word satan. I wonder what is the psycholgy behind that?
Twizz, Jun 08 2010

       This does not work against natural selection. It merely provides the individual with the information. The terminally stupid will still keep unscrewing the metaphorical immersion heater.   

       The idea is to use the small, cheaply produced, self contained chips which are already available.   

       Warnings and advice which are part of other systems are widely known to exist, but could benefit from some imaginative input, such as that suggested by 21Q.
Twizz, Jun 08 2010

       //God is capitalised //
I bet that was a good IPO.
coprocephalous, Jun 08 2010

       All garments are in some fashion, religious. What do we actually need them for, anyway?   

       What does satan sound like? Thumbwax's ex-wife?
RayfordSteele, Jun 08 2010

       [Ian Tindale] Don't the terminally religious believe in the actual existence of satan as part and parcel of the whole god thing?
Twizz, Jun 09 2010

       <obligatory titular misreading> I thought this was going to be about some jolly old bearded, white-haired man in a red suit with a sack of presents who'd say "You won't get any presents for Christmas if you don't prune the rosebush/ clear the gutters/ put up that shelf"</otm>
hippo, Jun 09 2010


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