Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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"Star of the Show" Crotch Light

Turn going to the bathroom into a broadway experience
  (+20, -5)(+20, -5)
(+20, -5)
  [vote for,

Going to the bathroom is often quite tedious. It is something we must do several times everyday, and yet it is always the same. Why not have a little fun and make a show of it? There could be a tiny spotlight mounted about head level behind the toilet that could be angled to shine down right on our "little guy" as he does his business (I realized this only really works for guys. I'm open to suggestions as to how something similar could work with women). Also, when you turn this spotlight on, all the other lights in the bathroom automatically turn off and some showtune or favorite movie soundtrack pops on an installed stereo system. While going to the bathroom, you could imagine a huge crowd stretching before you in the darkness, all eyes on the spot-lighted "star of the show." There could also be a little clapping effect once you were done. I imagine people with the expense to do so could install elaborate curtains just in front of the toilet that trigger an announcer when you slide through them: "And here he is, the star of the show, Mr. [insert its name here]!" Going to the bathroom will never be a dull experience again.
smizzou, Jun 24 2001

HB: "Todger Torch" Todger_20Torch
[DenholmRickshaw]'s approach. [bristolz, Feb 05 2005]

Esther Williams http://www.classicm...millionmermaid.html
[robinism, Feb 07 2005]

I Smell Esther Williams http://www.betweent...isplay.php?id=47397
Anagrams: as I'll swim there and I smell waterish [jaksplat, Feb 07 2005]


The Military, Jun 24 2001

Dog Ed, Jun 24 2001

       Hmm... reminds me of enthusiastic parents applauding and praising while toilet training their child. Freud would find this very interesting.... :-b   

       But I have to agree with Peter.
rebekkahshiri, Jun 25 2001

       RodsT So what is a clap clinic? I don't like this idea as I suffer from shy bladder syndrome. Two pints of lager in, I go to the lav to do a quick impression of the London Fire Service, bladder's aching, someone comes in and stands next to me, SHUT DOWN! My Hampton goes on strike! Last thing I need is lights and an orchestra.
Ivy, Jun 28 2001

       Although you would now have a chorus line.
Rodomontade, Jun 28 2001

       I sense a reality program here just waiting to be broadcast.
benfrost, Feb 05 2005

       ...and the dept of Homeland Security logging any repeated requests for Bette Midler routines from stall three.
JungFrankenstein, Feb 05 2005

       Definitely a urinal only type thing, for stand up comedians or ventriloquists.
jaksplat, Feb 05 2005

       I suggested a POV urinal drain shot for a film we worked on once. It didn't have to show the BMW in the shot just him approaching, flying and flipping a blur but we didn't have time to track down a urinal to modify it. Big Mexican Weiner.
mensmaximus, Feb 05 2005

       I have a more spectacular alternative. Has anyone seen water used as a light- pipe? So, just have a small powerful light-source in your loo (maybe one of those blue LEDs) and aim right at it. When you're spot on, you will have the mystical and disconcerting experience of a shaft of light arcing majestically from the loo to the end of your willy. Hours of fun.
Basepair, Feb 06 2005

       I have an even more spectacular alternative. Have 5 friends come over, and swim on your backs in a circle, and all pee in unison to create a water-ballet-fountain effect, while Esther Williams does a swan dive into the center of the circle.
robinism, Feb 06 2005

       Robinism - I had considered that, but I don't have a pool. Or five friends, come to think of it.
Basepair, Feb 06 2005

       Just one friend, and two mirrors?
robinism, Feb 06 2005

       + hilarity
benfrost, Feb 06 2005

       I'm still laughing about the BMW in my POV.
jaksplat, Feb 06 2005

       Robinism - Not a bad alternative. However, I can't work out how to place the mirrors so that (a) I get the full visual experience (b) I don't get splashback off the mirrors and (c) Esther Williams can dive in without trisecting herself on the edges of the mirrors. And now that I think of it, who *is* Esther Williams? And the lack of a pool is still a handicap. No, it's back to my light-pipe scheme for me. It would give a sort of perverted-light-sabre effect, I think. <resists temptation to say 'may the foreskin be with you'>
Basepair, Feb 06 2005

       I thought you'd never ask! Esther Williams was a swimming champ turned movie star. See link for a picture.
robinism, Feb 07 2005

       About the light saber - You could have a cluster of lights, so that even if your aim wasn't perfect, you could still get some light. Maybe the center light could be bright white, then a ring of yellow lights, then green, with an outer ring of blue.
robinism, Feb 07 2005

       Regarding shy bladder - this might, in fact, be good for therapy to overcome such a problem.   

       Incidentally, I always thought that shy bladder syndrome was a throwback from the days of cavemen, when standing around with your genitals exposed was never a good thing with all those sabre-toothed tigers and pterodactyls around.
Detly, Feb 07 2005

       Robinism - concentric targets would indeed be a good idea. Incidentally, I wonder if a sufficiently powerful beam would actually make your entire bladder glow eerily beneath your skin.... And re. Esther Williams...she looks much to wholesome to get involved with this kind of shenanigins...
Basepair, Feb 07 2005

       References to spaceballs abound...
ye_river_xiv, Sep 03 2007

       Fun! Women could have something mounted in the bowl. Make 'em look like their telling ghost stories. [+]
daseva, Jul 30 2008

       Turn on your crotch light Let it shine whenever you go Let it make a happy glow Everytime you pee
Noexit, Jul 31 2008

       After using this for several years, you become a genuine performer and realise that you now have a Pavlovian reaction to stagelights and show music.
dbmag9, Aug 02 2008

       [+] "Pardon me while I whip this out..."
James Newton, Aug 04 2008

       Have a motion sensor, camera, and a monitor. Have a 5 sec intro and let people talk. Record their conversations as they pee and have a website that randomly displays the results.
baslisks, Aug 06 2008


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